Sunshine and rain by my back deck this morning

This morning I went outside to meditate; after 15 minutes, rain started. I came in, meditated awhile, then was ready for breakfast; the sun was shining again, so I returned to the deck and started to eat. Rain started again… My internal weather today has been similar, a mix of rain and storm.  I woke up with joy; one of my mother’s beautiful oil paintings hangs above my bed and is the first thing I see (upside down) each morning as I open my eyes. It always brings joy, gratitude, and a “thank you, Mom” with an open heart, for her loving mothering and for teaching me to paint  and to love flowers too.

Mom’s triptych painting over my bed

But when I got out of bed, my knee and hip hurt again, (they had felt less painful after swimming in the warm pool yesterday at the rec center and I was attached to that reduced pain) and anger came; storms!

The day continued like that; the pleasant and unpleasant alternating. There’s natural attachment to the pleasant and aversion to the unpleasant. The rain is not a problem, nor the aversion to the rain, but the idea that the weather shouldn’t change is very painful! It will always change!

Aaron reminded me of the practice of “Thank you teacher,” said with sincerity to whatever has come. The rain, the pain, the computer glitches, the annoying phone calls (I do need to remember the twenty plus years when I had no phone at all,  just after losing my hearing, and say “thank you” when the phone rings). The suffering is not really with what’s” out there” but how I relate to it. It’s always about me, and about an opportunity to invite deeper compassion. That doesn’t mean I don’t say no to something painful, but I can say no with spacious kindness, not contracted anger. This is the heart of my practice.

The meditating frog by my pond; he always elicits a smile

Can you see the live frog beside him? What is “real”?