Joey relaxing

When I opened my eyes after meditating this morning, here’s what I saw. Was I ever this relaxed? Even after meditation there’s often a subtle tension, a body anticipation of what may come next and be unpleasant.

Nearby,  Banner has relaxation down to a science, toys gathered around him

I began to reflect; what holds the tension? It’s not the physical pain or heavy emotions but the resistance and aversion to them. My body is still in pain after my swim/ kayak challenge 10 days ago. (the lake level was the lowest it’s been in 55 years. I had not realized and paddled on. But I could not fully paddle to the swim area; my kayak grounded, stuck in sand in the invisible bottom. I was alone (which is usual for me) and had to literally roll out onto the  muddy/sandy bottom and crawl on hands and knees ten feet to water deep enough that I could float; this body was not happy!) Sadness arose; and anger; frustration; aversion to the aging that had me thusly stuck!

And the world around me brings sadness: we’re caught in war; greed and hatred

This morning I was reflecting on “the worldly dharmas”: pleasure /pain, gain/loss, praise/blame, and fame/disgrace. The last two pairs don’t challenge me too much anymore; the first two are still hard! What have we lost? In what ways am I grasping for that body of 50 years ago (or even ten years?) Yet, what have I gained? Greater wisdom, compassion, patience; a more open heart! But it’s hard to see when my joints and muscles ache and knees are skinned; when I cannot easily get into the lake to swim! Here is aversion. “That which is aware of aversion is not adverse”, as Aaron so clearly states it. But my body was contracted with aversion.

I opened my eyes and watched my sleeping friends, so at ease. Where is that non-tension to be found? The question isn’t what balances pain and tension but, right there with tension and discomfort, with aversion, can I choose the open heart. Who or what chooses? I began to chant, “metta, karuna, mudita, upekkha” repeatedly, then sat with open eyes, open heart, looking at my giant spruce alive with birds, my sleeping and peaceful friends, then out into my backyard.

Last night we had a wonderful celebration out here. Twenty-five years ago, our son Davy brought out his first issue of Found Magazine. Later, the book version topped the NY Times best-seller list for months, led to two appearances on the Letterman show, and paved the way to his writing and filmmaking career. This spring he’s been on tour around the US celebrating 25 years of Found. Last night found the Found show in our backyard, where it all started, surrounded by about 60 old friends and new ones.

Many volumes now.
This was #1 https://www.amazon.com/s?k=found+davy+rothbart

Gain and loss, joy and sorrow: pain and freedom from pain, I can only hold an intention  to embrace it all. Here are some back-yard show photos. What joy!

Part of the gathered audience; Davy in red hat and makeshift podium

Double exposure? Grandchildren with me and Hal.

Music! Hal dancing!