Needing to be alone and  re-center after a sleepless night and frustrating morning

 Some days are more challenging than others. With thunderstorms the last 2 nights, one of which knocked out the power for a while and brought on the loud generator,  I’ve been awakened by anxious animals several times each night, and by Hal too. Banner hates the thunder! Joey is fine with thunder but awakened me with the generator. Then he jumped on my windowsill (generator is right behind my bedroom) and hissed at it furiously. Hal also heard the storm and heard the generator come on.  It does keep his oxygen running. He’s not anxious, just awake.  He trusts me to keep him safe through the nights.  For me, I’m tired!

I was sitting with him on the deck after breakfast, wanting to relax; it was a beautiful morning. But I couldn’t find what he wanted on his iPad. He cannot change it with one hand. I wanted to read; every 2 minutes, as a song finished,  he pushed the iPad to me beseechingly. Finally, I was just frustrated and said sharply that I couldn’t do any more. He took his dry erase board and wrote this.

Can I also love me, and have compassion for myself? The caregiver came, I took an hour-long nap and am feeling better. I can still see that thought ,”I shouldn’t be angry.”

My image in the lake on a sunny day

Back to Floating Non-duality and what support it offers me:

Question: I gather you’re not using the word “manifested” as “created” so much as “naturally expanded into,“ in other words, it simply followed its own nature.

Aaron: That is partially correct. There is no Creator and Created. That would be dualistic. The Created IS the Creator, just as the river is the spring. The spring does not create the river. The spring merely is a spring, and because of that nature as spring, the river is born. However, the spring has no intention to invite the expression of the river. It is just a spring. That which I call “Creator” has intention to express itself in infinite ways, although it does not specify the nature of those expressions.

If you press your hand down on clay, it will take a shape that is dependent in part on the pressure of the hand, and dependent in part on the characteristics of the clay. The same hand pressure on another substance would yield a different expression. This illustrates the process of dependent arising. The particular “shape” you take will depend on your own karma.

Please note that there is not a creator creating the shape of the dough so much as that which we call ‘creator’ and that which we call ‘created’ participate together in the formation of the shape. This is co-creation and is a necessary result of interbeing.

Barbara today: what does it feel like to naturally expand into my true compassionate nature, not to push myself with “I should be compassionate”? After my nap I sat outside and meditated awhile. “I shouldn’t be angry” is the voice of duality, and it’s a natural experience of the incarnation. So is the thought, “I must be compassionate.” With mindfulness, awareness sees such thought arise and doesn’t get hooked into it. The arising thought itself serves as further support for steady compassion. The thoughts will dissolve on their own if I don’t keep trying to judge, fix, or otherwise get ensnarled. Just let it be!

Grandson in a sunbeam (photo by his dad)