From an Emerald Isle Retreat
Written June 16: Encouraged discouraged. These are states of the mind and body that will arise with certain conditions and will pass when the conditions change. I’m attached to feeling encouraged. I have aversion to feeling discouraged, but I can’t avoid either one. They arise out of conditions
My beloved friend Aaron reminds me, “that which is aware of discouragement, is not discouraged…” Yet here it is. It’s been 10 days since that injury with my beached kayak in the shallow lake. I still can’t walk well; I’m still in pain. My garden, in which I was delighting – I can’t walk down the hill to it. Hal’s caregivers have been taking care of it to some degree, but I can’t do it. The Patti-pan squash and the lemon cucumbers have huge leaves, and all the flowers and baby fruit have been eaten away. Discouraged!
I can’t remember what Buddhist teacher wrote this years ago, but was talking about their garden and feeling discouraged because animals were eating everything. They offered the thought, maybe I’m not planting a garden for myself. I do have plenty to eat. Maybe what I’m really doing is feeding the animals. Can I take delight in that?
Now it’s June 20. I’m taking delight, after two more days of PT, that I am walking better, feeling less pain; I’m encouraged! But I know that attachment to this freedom from pain in my body leads to suffering.
In what can I take delight other than feeding animals my squash and cucumbers?
From Wordsworth, a long-time favorite poem:
My heart leaps up when I behold
A rainbow in the sky:
So was it when my life began;
So is it now I am a man;
So be it when I shall grow old,
Or let me die!
Rainbows come into my life in many forms: a child’s laughter; the chipmunk resting on the Buddha’s head; flowers blowing in the breeze in my garden; the birds drinking from my small waterfall, Hal’s smile. They are wonders when they come, nothing I can attach too, but just be still and enjoy!
Part of my garden this morning
One of our sons beneath a magnificent rainbow