Lake with cloud reflections and autumn leaves – Oct. 2025.

This is what I had to do with my foot. I could lose myself into the light and energy of the Dharmakaya for periods of time, try to tell myself the ever-perfect foot was there, which is true, yet deny the mundane realm infection, which choice could lead to losing the foot to the infection. I had to stay with both dharmakaya and nirmanakaya; to stay on the sambhogakaya bridge, At times fear became predominant and I lost contact with the Dharmakaya. Then the stories based in fear would arise and run away with mind for a while. My mind would become consumed with how to fix this infection. It was not just the foot that asked attention, but the emotions; the fear. How do I rest in the fearless while still acknowledging the fear?

Finally, I would remember the importance of sambhogakaya and ask myself, right here with infection, where is the ever-perfect foot? Here with fear and contraction, where are spaciousness and love? There was no guarantee that in doing this practice the foot would heal. I could not practice in order to make the foot heal. I could only do it to invite the expression of that ever-perfect foot right there with the infected foot. Here I rested on the bridge, in sambhogakaya or wealth body, and held space for the infection to release; for the ever perfect to express.

If there is any tension of “fix-it,” that tension is drawn into the mix. For all those weeks lying flat meditating with foot elevated, I needed to be willing to be present with fear (the Path of Sacred Darkness), to watch how easily I could get caught in the stories of fear, and to keep gently saying no, backing away, returning to big mind, Awareness mind, yet always with compassion for the human who faced the serious infection and possible results including amputation of the foot.

I had many hours to practice. I could not walk or even sit at my desk with my foot down. So, I meditated! Often, I lay on a chaise out under the spruces, watching branches blow and clouds glide past. Fear: awareness of fear: unpleasant experience of fear: breathing in spaciousness: opening with compassion to this human and to all humans suffering thusly, experiencing fear. That which is aware of fear is not afraid, yet we cannot deny the arising of fear or of any other pain or strong emotion.

Fear only becomes darkness when aversion arises (as it will, for the human) and there is no awareness of aversion, no presence with it. Then aversion runs wild with its stories. With deep presence, not resisting experience, the aversion and darkness itself can become the teacher, leading one into that sacred darkness wherein darkness and light are experienced as one. Darkness becomes the opening into the light.

Mindfulness helps me remember to rest in with balance on the bridge holding the wisdom that when the conditions are present the object will arise. The only way I can truly change the conditions is with growing presence and compassion. My vipassana practice was vital here, noting arising of pain, of fear, present with unpleasant feeling, resistance, and growing aversion. What is the direct experience of aversion in mind and body, when met with an open heart?

The wound is healed now. I was given medical permission to walk on that foot, and to swim. Ahhh – breathing out the residue of tension, of fear. I find myself aware of all sentient beings who have lost a foot this week, in a car accident, a war, an earthquake, the animal with foot caught in a trap. This ceases to be MY foot and becomes THE foot; one foot to heal for us all.

I choose to take it a step further; one heart to heal for us all. When I am able to live firmly grounded in the heart of compassion and deepest wisdom, I feel I’m fulfilling my intentions as a human. At some deep level, I know this is what I took birth for; what we all took birth for. May all beings be happy and at peace.

Barbara Brodsky Ann Arbor, Michigan Nov. 2024

Writing today, June 3, 2026
We’ve come to the end of the book chapter. Daily life continues.
Dawn comes, followed by darkness: Darkness comes, followed by dawn.

The lake at early dawn, taken from my boat, facing east.

 The song, “Let it Be” has been coming to me often.

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

. . .

And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

 

I need to continue consciously returning to light, to love, to the awakened heart. It’s so easy to let ourselves sink into darkness, but I know I am / we are here to honor and reflect the light.

Darkness comes to me in the form of sadness about our world right now, politics that dictate that people will be bombed and die , environmental destruction, bigotry and hatred, and my own personal challenges. Where is the light?  “Let it be” cannot mean “do nothing.” For me, the phrase reminds me not to approach any challenge from a contracted place, not from a place of fear or anger, but to “attend to” it, to give it loving attention, asking how to support change for the highest good. There is not always an immediate, clear or easy answer. “Let it be” to me means to not attack the issue, but to hold it quietly and trust that wisdom will come out of spaciousness and love.

Last Saturday I finally got out to my beloved lake to swim. The lake level is very low. My usual process is to climb into my kayak from the accessible boat dock, and paddle 150 yards to the swim area shallow raft, since I can’t walk that narrow trail with my walker. I tie my kayak there and swim. I’ve been doing this easily for 9 or more years, since I’ve needed a walker.

Boat dock enroute to swim dock.

It was a huge challenge to get out at the swim area. My kayak barely floated. When I placed my feet on the bottom, my knees were up to my chin. But I did get out and there was just enough water to float on my back, to a place deep enough to begin to swim, and on to deep water for a beautiful hour, down the lake and back.  Monday I joyfully returned for another swim. In the summer I love to swim 3 or 4 times a week.

My kayak tied to the swim area  shallow raft in deeper-water times;
such a beautiful spot; I swim down to that very far end and back.

The lake water was even lower. My kayak beached about 3 feet from the swim area shallow raft. Swinging my feet over the side, impossible to stand, knees at my chin, I finally rolled out onto my stomach and crawled about 10 feet into deep enough water to float. I injured myself: knees, back, hips, shoulders. This 83-year-old body can no longer crawl. Anger and grief came up and body pain too. I did swim for an hour, alternating feeling of great joy with sadness. There were stories of helplessness, anger at aging, and some fear about the body pain. There was also blue sky, a sweet, spring fed lake, Herons and other birds. Then, I had to return the same way, the last 6 feet in only inches of water.… Lots of pain! By the time I returned to the boat dock, my body hurt badly and I could barely walk.

Paddling back from swim area to boat dock; evening.

Mind jumped to feeling anger, feeling sorry for myself, a bitter “I just won’t swim any more” of despair. I came home to a hot shower, Tylenol and arnica, and lay down to meditate. Finding that bridge; the reality of the situation, an older and now injured body; the very shallow lake (a spring fed lake; where has the water gone?) And the ever-perfect: this body can heal; is healing. The lake can heal, is healing. Yet on this physical realm we still need to find solutions. Let it be; don’t worry it like wiggling a loose tooth. Rest in the ever-perfect and invite the highest expression of myself, the lake, our world. See it already there! Imagine, then envision it. It already exits!  Remember the physical realm is the slowest to express. Invite that perfect expression with love and patience.

Physical therapy and rest are helping the body. Out at the lake, some longtime friends are looking for a solution, to re-position and anchor the “shore raft” into deeper water so I can again paddle up, stand, tie my boat and swim. But I did have to ask! Friends had to be told of the need!  “All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well”. Let go of worry and despair. Offer effort with joy!

Sunset, back at the boat dock and children’s beach.