Today I have been looking at the experience of sadness. For the second summer in a row, I have a foot infection that’s preventing me from swimming, kayaking and other water activities that I love. There is sadness, a real sense of loss. It seems there’s not a lot of grasping; there’s no fear and not much contraction. Just sadness but with heart open with compassion.

I can remember how it feels to swim a long distance down the lake on a beautiful day, the water cool around me, the sun glittering on the water and sparkling in the trees that line the lake. I feel so much joy swimming like that – so different than in an indoor pool. There’s a sense of expansiveness, of connection with the environment, rejoicing in the beauty around me and delighting in the ease with which my body moves through the water. I swim much more easily than I walk; can swim for an hour with no strain at all, so I miss that ease of movement as well as the physical beauty.

As the body ages there is naturally going to be diminishment of capacity. It’s true of the mind also; my mind is not as sharp as it once was.

I have the option to rejoice in what I can do; for instance, to write and share this bit of dharma. It’s a joy to go out on my big hammock-swing, pump it up a bit and then lay back looking up at the treetops; there’s a sense of movement almost like the swimming and I love the beauty of the spruce branches blowing in the light breeze, the touch of blue sky, the sunlight catching on the branches. And almost like swimming, I can pump the swing keep it moving. It’s joyful but not the same experience.

I have to ask myself, is there grasping for the other that’s blocking the joy from what is here? I don’t see it, at least not much. There is so much this aging body can no longer do; climb mountains, raft down a white-water river, ride a horse, just climb up a mountain trail to new, beautiful vistas. We know the body will age. So, what’s the answer?

This morning, I was looking at the power of gratitude. I sat in my chair by my small garden, pond and tiny waterfall feeling the power of the elements, the life force of the water and the plants, enjoying the colors and the beauty of the birds coming to the feeders, the multi-colored butterflies. In the background the five very tall spruces, my “guardians”, stood strong and filled with wildlife. There was nothing in my body or mind preventing me from the full joy of this moment, no place else I wanted to be. There was deep gratitude, no grasping, no sadness.

It’s vital that the gratitude must be genuine. It can’t be, “Now I’ll feel gratitude to push away the painful feelings.” With full gratitude, sadness can be there but not grasping, which contracts us. Like joy, sadness emerges from the open heart, free of contraction. There’s a deep acknowledgement of things just as they are, including that everything in the conditioned realm arises and passes away; that we cannot hold on to anything. How different when we greet it in just this moment and with love, Knowing how fleeting it is – a flower that blooms for a day, a love that blooms for a lifetime, and yet all subject to passing away.

I love this way of sharing the dharma and feel joy and gratitude for it, and for all of you.
It’s August! I notice with joy that our class starts next month. Together we’ll look at questions like this, and how we can live our lives more fully from the awakened heart, right there with life’s challenges. Our class title, “That which is already awake is the path: Awakening to the joy and unconditional love within”. Together, we remember that which is already awake and the practices that support resting in awakened presence in the midst of the turmoil of daily life. Please remember to register.

And for the October retreat too. Twenty-five are registered so far. Register soon to avoid disappointment. When we’re full, we’re full.

A closing thought. Saturday I’ll head to the lake for the day with my new chest-high fishing waders that were gifted to me, guaranteed waterproof, pull them on and wade into the lake, climb into my kayak, and paddle to my heart’s content. I’ll make sure to get photos to share.

With love to all, Barbara