I can’t hold on to anything:
Everything arises and passes from conditions; suffering lies in holding on as conditions change. This morning, I received word from Davy that Hal’s caregiver, Mamadi, had the Habeas trial and now, in this next week, there would be a bond hearing. The court would decide the amount of his bond if it was invited, and say what would come next. There are no guarantees; worst case scenario, he’ll be deported. He will die! And I cannot change this just by my will. The bond may be anywhere up to $25,000; so far, (thanks to the generosity of over 300 people including some of you) we’ve raised $18,000; it’s essential he have the full amount ready when they decide what it will be; if it will be. Again, all I can do is act with love and hold my heart open, imagining this kind, young friend and all similar asylum seekers safe and at peace.

https://tinyurl.com/FreeMamady

Feeling agitation after speaking with Davy, I went outside to sit under the spruces. It was a damp morning, the scent of moisture in the breeze. But I wanted to sit outside and so got myself settled: breathing in; breathing out…. Less than 10 minutes and the first rain drops fell. I came back indoors and sat, eyes open, looking out the window at heavy rain. Then it stopped and I went outside again. 10 minutes then more rain; even heavier this time; back indoors looking out the window. Grasping!!
Sunshine and rain; gain and loss; pleasure and pain; hope and despair…I know these are all conditioned objects. What is the Unconditioned, open heart? When I’m very present in meditation, there is a knowing of objects arising and passing away, sometimes pleasant, sometimes unpleasant; sometimes “liking” arising with pleasant; sometimes “disliking” arising with unpleasant. Through it all, presence holds everything in a spacious container. Or not! Aaron’s words resonate. “That which is aware of contraction is not contracted.” But sometimes there is such strong contraction that I can’t get past it. I can’t pretend it’s dissolved. Then I’m left just present with contraction. Can there be compassion for this human caught in contraction?
The contraction may remain but the texture of it changes with compassion, which softens the contraction, softens my experience of it and allows the heart to open again.
I sat in here by my window this morning watching the branches blow in the wind, the rain pelt against the glass. I watched grasping thoughts come, angry thoughts come, fear-based thoughts. It’s just wind and rain arising out of conditions. Eventually the rain stopped and the sun came out.