Dear Friends,
I ‘m sure you have heard of Sisyphus, who was condemned forever to push a huge boulder up a high hill, only to have it roll back down each night. We hear of his fate and immediately think of suffering. But the suffering isn’t in pushing the stone, or even the fact that it won’t stay; the suffering is in the expectations and grasping for it to stay.

Everything in our lives changes, moment by moment because each experience is shaped by the outflow of conditions. We can never hold that boulder up the hill. We also can never stop dancing with the boulder or we die. But “pushing” looks very different when it is a grasping effort or when it is a loving dance with the world around us.

Recently I’ve been speaking with friends who, like me, are aging. The body changes; things that were once easy become challenging. I can no longer split my firewood and carry it into the house. I used to love to do that. I can no longer even weed my whole garden. I have to ask for help. I can no longer lift and transfer Hal from bed to wheelchair. Joints ache; muscles are weak. The mind changes too. I forget more easily; I grasp for a word that’s right there, just out of reach. And of course I resist this aging. Then I suffer.

Last summer I had a major infection in a toe and was not permitted to walk or swim for 4 months. I was so frustrated because I love to swim. Summer passed by without that joy. This summer I’ve been in the lake as much as possible, paddling my kayak, swimming for an hour or two, just enjoying the blue sky, fresh water, and sunlight. Rejoicing! Now, today, I was headed out to the lake, but it looks like I have a new wound on a different toe. It doesn’t look infected; I see the doctor tomorrow.

I see myself grasping, and then suffering. But it’s all the outflow of conditions. I cannot keep that boulder at the top of the hill. I cannot keep the body from aging. But I do not have to suffer.

How do we get there, to that place of release of suffering? This is where my practice sustains me. I watch the grasping arise. To quote Aaron, “that which is aware of grasping is not grasping”. There can be no denial of the movement toward grasping. That’s just more grasping, not truth. But through my meditation I become stable, resting in awareness, resting in the essence of being, and can see the whole conditioned realm arise and pass away; arise and pass away; arise and pass away… those boulders that are our conditioned world. I can watch it all from a place of open-hearted compassion and not become caught in being the “doer”.

I see a different boulder around our present political climate and the upcoming election. I want it this way, so I grasp. But I can’t control what will happen. I can only hold my intention in my heart and invite an outcome that’s truly for the highest good of all of us. If I can’t do that, I’m going to suffer. And, again, I practice, watching grasping; watching the fixed mind very caught in its own opinions. I have to remember to listen to those with different views and to keep my heart open so I can truly listen. Here is freedom from suffering. And here is the only path out of suffering for all of us as we learn to hear each other with open hearts.

I’m looking forward to sharing more of this beautiful Dharma with you in fall classes and the October live retreat.

Wishing you a beautiful summer.
With love, Barbara