I’m looking at  the experience of pressure this morning. I’ve been writing regularly but it’s not edited (many typos; I’m not a good typist) nor broken it down into separate blogs. Now the DSC office tells  me today’s was the last available post. Pressure! It seems  my life is  filled  with  pressure;  and that’s probably true for all of us.  So, this morning, I’m turning aside from  previous  pages of writing to consider  “pressure.”

I was up early, got up, dressed and came here to my office. Usually, I’m delighted to settle into meditation. Hal is still asleep and I look forward to 1 to 2 quiet hours. Today when I sat, I was filled with tension, mind and body agitated. I start with the body as a guide, just observing the places of tension. “Breathing in, I am aware of the tension; breathing out, I allow space for the tension.” I invite it to be a guest; yes, an unpleasant guest; ahhhhh. I look for the stillness that IS right there with the agitation. Not two!

Half an hour later, still watching agitation, with  Aaron’s familiar phrase, “that which is aware of agitation is not agitated.” I can rest in that awareness, no agitation, way off on the Dharmakaya end of the bridge, but as soon as I come out of awareness the agitation is there. How do we make peace with agitation? I know it’s not the agitation that’s the issue but my relationship with agitation.

Watching the monks speaking at the finish of their peace walk, I was moved by their  stillness. He gave his talk and asked everyone to repeat with him, “Today will be my day of peace.” It’s just a reminder; we can’t force ourselves into peace. For me it’s a reminder that I choose peace in every moment or I choose war! This morning, I was at war with myself because I so badly wanted to settle into a place of peace. Ha!

Just watching agitation, finally I settled into the middle of that bridge, as I spoke of a journal or two ago, war and peace, in breath and out breath, just present with things as they are. “Today will be my day of peace.” It’s an invitation, a reminder of choice, not a command.

Here is the space where I meditate (and work). This wonderful frog sits by the small pond in my garden all summer and comes indoors for the winter. Note that two pictures have fallen down and I can no longer wield the hammer to replace the hooks. I watch that with a little agitation every morning. It’s a teacher. Notice dog and cat beds too. They are usually in here with me, finding their own peace at dawn. And see the wonderful window that looks out on our spruces Hal and I planted in1971, often filled with wildlife!