This 3×6 painting was part of my final senior show as a graduating art major,
Connecticut College,1964. Now in my living room.
Juggling held my attention even back 62 years ago.

I’m sitting at my desk,  sweet Willow by my side. She lies as close as she can get, clinging as she watches me pack; she has clearly seen packing before. I’m looking forward to leading the retreat yet also sad because, after 7 weeks here, she is finally learning to trust me. Trust is a big risk for her after losing her owner (who died), grieving and feeling abandoned – in an adequate  care situation but without love. I know she may regress while I’m gone for a week. Notice her paw holding my chair leg! She’s just a small item to juggle, knowing all the needs are important; I do want to lead this retreat.

This letter is both about juggling and also trust. Whom do we trust? What are the foundations of trust? As I type this, a news item flashes onto my computer of a school shooting in Oregon with children killed!  Other messages talk about the woman of high position in Trump’s government  who lied about being a lawyer and they give more information about Epstein connections of various politicians. My mind sums up the distinction as service-to-self / service to all; doing of harm or the commitment of choosing non-harm. The importance of these commitments is what leads me, at age 84 (in 2 weeks)  to lead the retreat. I can’t turn my back on the world right now. What can we find in a week of meditation that may help ourselves and the world?

On my desk is a large pile, electronics, various medical and health needs, paperwork and printouts; behind me another pile, clothes (what will the  weather be?  sunny!!! ) a pillow, meditation shawl. I used to travel so light, just a carry-on backpack for a month.

Nothing worked these past few days. My bank merged with another  two weeks ago; I went into the new bank before the merger, spoke to a banker, filled out forms,  and thought I was all set, but Monday I couldn’t get on the site to pay bills.  Because of that (something not fully registered) my credit card won’t work, which I discovered when i got to the pharmacy and was finally next to pay for my prescriptions…. DTE didn’t get my payment (bank again!) and sent a shut-off notice!! ahhh; do you want to hear about more balls in the air???  I must complete arrangements for Hal, since he can never be alone and I’ll be away the 12 or so hours daily that I usually care for him. Is there adequate food in the house? An emergency plan? Someone to walk,  love and reassure Banner and Willow!

Sitting quietly in a meditation hall, or by a lake shore filled with fall colors, or even with rainclouds; putting aside all news for the week, and everything that must be juggled, I may come back to a place of center. I’m not escaping, but recentering. I can begin to see the multitude of objects that touch mind and body, some pleasant and some unpleasant; to see the patterns of reactivity; and right there with those habitual patterns, to see new possibilities; to choose kindness, to choose to say no without attacking the catalyst.

Those reading this today won’t be on retreat. Nevertheless, please take time to recenter yourself and to ask, “How am I enhancing peace and kindness in the world today? Just for this moment, can i put down all the balls?” They are never going to all stay up anyway! Maybe if I temporarily put them down, with a smile, I can add to the kindness in the world!” Then pick up just one, maybe add another. Pour a cup of tea for a friend! Make one phone call or pay one bill, then breath and appreciate the radiant color and  blue sky.

Vote! That’s a vital one we all can do;
please let me know if you need help to do that.