Category: Dharma Journal

Dharma Journal – May 2017

Dharma Journal teachings from Aaron channeled by Barbara Brodsky

Transcription and closed captioned.

The Three Kayas: Part 2

 My blessings and love to you all. I am Aaron. Thank you for this opportunity to speak with you today.

 Last month I spoke about the three kayas and staying connected with the pure heart, but without fear of connecting to the world. Sometimes it’s not fear of connecting but fear of losing that center, but you can never lose this space of divine consciousness within you.

I promised some suggestions on how to come back into that space in those times where the world has gotten to be too much for you; when you’re constantly rushing around doing this, fixing that, and it seems that the need is never-ending. The need is never-ending. Can you really do more if you let go of the essence of being and become another lost soul screaming for help?

Last month I spoke of the sambhogakaya, or wealth body, the bridge between the divine and the outside mundane world. When we think about a bridge, we think of the whole span of the bridge, and it doesn’t matter if you’re here or here or here on the bridge. But it does matter. The closer you are to the Dharmakaya side of the bridge, to the awakened heart, awakened consciousness, the more stable you are as you walk across.

Think of it as walking out of a very well-heated house on a bitter winter day. There’s a long vestibule. You step through the inner door and immediately it’s cooler. But you’re not freezing yet. You walk, and you walk, and you walk, a 100 yard hallway. The outer door is open. You begin to feel the cold. Perhaps there is something you must do right at the end of the hallway. Last month I used the image of the person who had fallen in the river and needed to be rescued. Well, here’s somebody at the end of the hallway shouting for help. You don’t pay too much attention to the cold. You walk down there and you do what is needed for that person. Then you return to the warmth. Are you going to sit there shivering together at the end of the hallway?

Let’s pretend it’s a child who has fallen and skinned his knees. He’s hurt, he’s bleeding, he’s afraid, and he’s shivering. You will want to pick him up and carry him back toward the warmth. Why would you stay at the end of the hallway by the open door where the winds are screeching and the sleet pouring in? Come back to the warmth.

Some of you have the idea that you can only serve in the world if you jump through that further doorway to suffer with those who are out there suffering. Your suffering does not help anybody, it only adds to the suffering in the world. Come home, come home.

The first step is repeatedly to remember: I can come home. I choose to come home. And also, when you start to feel dispersed, fragmented, and lost from that pure heart, know when you’re losing touch with it. Stop. Time to come home. Coming home can be as simple as: breathing in, I am aware of fragmentation, contraction, and fear. Breathing out, I hold loving space for these experiences. I re-enter the heart of love. I choose to re-enter the heart of love.

Maybe you’re in a conversation with someone who has very opposing views to yours, and he is becoming very angry, starting to flail his arms around and contort his face, using crude words; you feel yourself being sucked into his anger. “I choose to stay connected to love.” Only love can heal. Fear cannot heal. “I choose to stay connected to love.” So, intention in this way is a vital part of the training. Remember to keep re-connecting to your intention.

Trust in your ability to come back to the pure heart, is another part of this. However many times you have fallen off the edge of the hallway and into the blizzard, freezing and needing to scream for help; look at those experiences and remember: I have the capacity to return home.

I’d like you to visualize something for me. Maybe we’ll call it a very short meditation. Imagine yourself sitting in what I call the Dharmakaya, the Unconditioned, the Divine or Christ consciousness, and imagine it as a beautiful cavern of magnificent colors and lights. Beautiful melodies are playing. Imagine yourself sitting right in the cave doorway. As the divine breath breathes itself out, we may remember the line from the Bible: In the beginning was the Word, and the divine breath. Ahhh; feel that breath, ahhh, and with that breath, ahhh, the creation of the world. You move out with that breath.

But, my dear ones, what exhales also inhales. Come back home. Come back home. Why would you have need to do otherwise? So, the second part of the mindfulness is to begin to watch for the places where you begin to forget to come home. Is there an “I should”? “There is so much pain, I should stay out there, no matter how distracted I am becoming”. Is there some kind of a martyr complex in you, something that only feels, “I am only doing good if I am in pain.”? That doesn’t make sense to me. You are love, and you are loved. There is no reason for you to suffer, and your suffering does not benefit others. Quite the contrary, your modeling non-suffering is what helps others most.

Ahhh, and then drawing the breath back in, coming back into the divine heart, and knowing yes, I am whole. Practice with it until you can flow out easily and flow back. Flow out and flow back. You can learn how to do this. It’s not too hard.

Learn how it feels to rest in that space just at the doorway of the Dharmakaya, the beginning of that bridge. Feeling radiating light around you; high energy; the heart open with love, joy, and connection. You may have to do this first just silently in your meditation until it becomes a stable resting place. Then as you venture further out into the world, begin to notice that the further you come from that divine heart, the shakier the footing gets. Go only as far as you feel comfortable, and come home. Do it again, another day, and come home. Gradually you will begin to find yourself more comfortable venturing further out.

Yes, there is enormous suffering in the world. But, as with my earlier image, if you jump off the shore into a raging river to save somebody, and your rope lets your swim a hundred yards downstream, it’s likely going to be beyond your capacity to come back.

I am not suggesting that you work from fear but from wisdom that knows your present capacity, and then is able to keep expanding that capacity. Eventually, yes, you’ll be able to simply swim your way back up the 100 yards of river without the rope. But for now, know what is real for you what you are capable of, and give yourself practice at doing it successfully without losing touch with this pure heart, without losing the radiance and love.

I will pause here. We’ll pick this up again next month. There’s much to add to this. Thank you for your attention.

Dharma Journal – April 2017

Dharma Journal teachings from Aaron channeled by Barbara Brodsky

Transcription and closed captioning.

The Three Kayas: Part 1
Living from the Heart of Love

My blessings and love to you all. I am Aaron. It’s become a real joy to be able to talk to you this way each month. I have many topics I would love to share.

Often, in the course of your daily life, your energy becomes dispersed— your attention, your energy, your focus. Your world is so busy, and it’ s easy for your whole focus to end up out there somewhere (gesturing) rather than centered inside.

People go to meditation retreats, where the energy is deep within, very still. From that place, it sometimes becomes difficult to move out and attend to the taking out the garbage or cleaning up the overflowed toilet.

People sometimes ask me, where is the best place for my focus to be? Shall I be within my heart, resting in stillness? Shall I be out there and taking care of the millions of needs in the world? My reply is always: both.

There is a simultaneity of the ultimate realm, in which you rest in the divine heart, and of the relative realm, present with the mundane world. The challenge is to learn balance, how to rest in both places at the same time.

I usually try to avoid technical words, but there are three words in a Buddhist teaching that I find very helpful, and they’re not complex words. First, the root word kaya, which means body. There are many kinds of bodies. Dharmakaya means truth body, the body of the Dharma. You may think of this as the divine essence, the Unconditioned, divine consciousness, Christ consciousness. On the other end of the spectrum is nirmanakaya. Nirmana means form, so nirmanakaya is the form body, the outer body.

Don’t leave me! I can feel that some of you are saying, “Eh, too many technical words, Aaron. Too many formal words.” Bear with me; only one more, sambhogakaya. This is usually translated specifically as wealth body. What does that mean? Think of the Dharmakaya on one side of a ravine and the nirmanakaya on the other. To get from this truth body, from the heart, out into the practical world, you need a bridge. Sambhogakaya is the bridge. But it carries all the riches of the Divine heart out into the world, thus, wealth body.

All right, you have my terminology. Now let’s put that aside and understand what it means, how we use it.

I want to start with what I hope will be a clear example. Imagine you are meditating beside a swiftly flowing river. There have been heavy rains so the water is flowing fast. You’re sitting on the bank beside a big tree that leans out over the river, meditating; in a space of deep peace, watching the water flow by. You hear the sounds of the rippling of the water and the wind blowing in the trees. You have been sitting and walking and sitting again for hours, and you’re very still.

In the distance you suddenly hear screaming. “He’s fallen in! He’s fallen in! Save him!” What are you going to do?

You happen to have a very long rope with you. You don’t know why you brought it, but you brought it. You tie one end of the rope around the tree. You tie the other end of the rope around your waist. Remember, this is a fierce current, flowing fast. If you jump in there and you have 100 yards of rope, it’s going to quickly swing you 100 yards downstream. How will you get back? On the other hand, if you only give yourself 10 feet of rope, how will you reach the person who has fallen in and is going to be floating past, hoping you can save him?

How much is just enough? Perhaps you give yourself 20 or 30 feet of rope, tie it around your waist. And then you see the person coming down the river, bobbing up and down, screaming, “Help me! Help me!” Do you jump in immediately and let yourself swing to the whole end of the 30 feet? Or will you wait until they’re approaching and judge how much rope you really need, only emerging from that tree, that still, strong place, out into the water as far as is needed?

The person sweeps toward you and you jump in, only releasing as much rope as is needed so that you can grab him, a child. You pull him to you. You’re still holding the rope, too, so it doesn’t open further. You hold him until he feels secure. You ask him to hold you tight around the neck, and then you take the rope and pull yourself in. The current is tugging at you, but it’ s only about 15 feet. You’re not too far from that secure, deep place of safety. Pull yourself in. Put the child on the bank, pull yourself up on the bank.

I think you understand my metaphor here. If we leap out from the Dharmakaya from this stillness of our hearts and deepest place within, fully distracted by the, “Help! Help!” of the world, how will we get ourselves back? If we keep ourselves tied to the shore, how can we reach and touch what needs support in the world? There must be a balance.

I find it works best to live as close to the Dharmakaya as is possible, which skill comes from daily meditation, really understanding what that truth body is, that place of love within you, but without fear of jumping into the raging river, when it’s needed. Only, you must maintain a connection to the Dharmakaya or you will drown.

It’s so easy to become dispersed by fear. You jump into the stream, and immediately there seem to be not one but a thousand voices screaming, “Help! Help! Help!” Your world is in such chaos. If you do not maintain daily connection to the divine heart within through meditation practice, through mindfulness, through the practice of loving kindness and more, it’s so easy to lose it.

We begin to look at the ways that fear and reactivity to fear lead us to lose that connection. Is there anyone to whom I am speaking who has not felt dispersed in that way in the world in the past week, with anxiety, with confusion? “How do I fix this? What shall I do?” It happens.

The challenge is not that it happens but how you may bring yourself back. The first step is knowing that this dispersion happens. The second step is knowing the intention not to lose the clear space within. How can you really lose it? It’s there. It’s always been there. It is the essence of your being, and beyond that, the essence of Being. If you think you can lose it, if you are afraid you can lose it, you will lose it. The first step is knowing that you cannot lose it. To know that you cannot lose it, you need to know how it feels to rest there.

People speak sometimes of losing their balance. Could anybody lose their balance who did not understand what balance felt like? A one year old toddling with her first steps, she doesn’t think, “I will lose my balance.” She just walks, and she plops down when she can’t walk any further. But she sees people around her upright and walking so she knows, “I can do that.” She has no fear, “I will lose my balance”, no story about that. She only knows, “I will walk”, and so she does.

We find different practices and supports to bringing us back to this center. One is by reflecting on the places in which you feel most centered, in love, in kindness, in ease in the world. And these are probably the times when you are feeling joy, gratitude, and connection to others, not separation.

What seems to happen for the human, though, is that when separation that comes from anger, or grief, or confusion, when it arises, you pull into a smallness. Basically, you separate from yourself. And as soon as you’re separated from yourself, you’re separated from everything. And then, from that place of separation you’re at the end of the rope, now 100 yards downstream with the current pulling at you. No longer is the child calling, “Help!”; you’re also calling, “Help!” You’re afraid the rope will break and send you over the waterfall.

Instead, you jump in with the short rope, and knowing, “I am safe, and I have the capacity to save this child. If he comes anywhere near me, I will reach out to him.” You can’t swim, the current is too fast. You can’t swim 100 yards across the river. If he’s at the far shore, you can’t reach him. If he comes near you, you can reach him.

We learn to trust. Holding the intention that the current bring the child to me, I will venture far enough out into the river to grab him and bring him back. This is possible. I choose it. And then I do it. Can you see then the energy never becomes contracted with fear? There’s a strong statement: I thusly choose. I know that this is possible and I choose it. I co-create it with the universe. And I have not left that divine heart to move into a place of fear and separation, nor of ego. I choose. I bring it into being. And it comes into being not from me, the personal self, but from the ground of love into which I am connected.

Think of the meaning of these three kayas in your life, and continue to hold the intention to rest deeply in the divine heart of love, even as you step out to be active in the world, to take care of yourself and others, always with love and not fear.

Next month I will speak further on this. Thank you for being with me today.

Dharma Journal – January 2017

The Year of Light

Aaron channeled by Barbara Brodsky Transcription: January 11, 2017. Monthly Dharma Talk (Not yet reviewed by Barbara and Aaron)

Transcription, video is also closed captioned:

January 11, 2017

The Year of Light

My blessings and love to you. I am Aaron.

When I look out the window, I see light. Radiance everywhere. But some people turn themselves away from the window and they say, “No, the world is dark, Aaron.” We each have a choice whether to recognize the innate light that floods everything or to carry ourselves in a place of darkness.

I would like to name this year, “The Year of Light”. I think I have done that before, but let’s carry through deeper on it this year. What does it mean to recognize that you are Light?

There is a beautiful poem by the Sufi poet, Kabir. I’d like the share the beginning stanzas.

The Guest is inside you, and also inside me.
You know the sprout is hidden inside the seed.
We are all struggling; none of us has gone far.
Let your arrogance go, and look around inside.
The blue sky stretches out further and further.
The daily sense of failure goes away.
The damage I have done to myself fades.
A million suns come forth with light
When I sit firmly in that world.

We all sit firmly in that world. This is our innate place of being. We are light. What prevents us from recognizing that light? What keeps us lost in the darkness? Let’s explore that a bit together, but with a reminder that you always have a choice to be the light that you are or to disclaim that light and say, “No, I am darkness, I am limited.”

The world surrounds us with catalyst, sometimes challenging; words and actions that bring forth pain, fear, and anger, that lead you to feelings of limitation and helplessness. There is so much habit energy in being helpless and small. Why are you afraid to be big? I am not suggesting that you allow the negativity in you to be big, but that you can allow the love within you to be big. What if it bursts forth and shines everywhere?

So much of this is simply habit, the habit to remain dim and small. For the spiritual seeker who aspires to live life with love and non-harm, I think the habitual pattern to stay small is an outgrowth of discomfort with negative emotions that you recognize have not yet been fully resolved.

This one pushes you. Anger arises, wanting to lash out at the other person. Then, “Oh no, I can’t do that,” and you diminish yourself and your energy. The pattern is unconscious. What if, when you feel that push and you feel that (gesture), want to lash out, you just remind yourself, “This not my highest intention. I am light. I am love.” But remember also that light and love are powerful. This is the ground of compassion.

So you have that push, anger, and then, “No, I will not respond from the place of anger.” And saying to the other, not anger (hits screen), but, “No, you may not speak to me that way. No.” Let your light shine forth, and say this compassionately, yet very powerful “No.” I can’t guarantee you that the other will stop what he or she is doing, but you have not contributed any more negativity to the situation, only kindness.

If the other is greeted with that “No” often enough, eventually something will shift in him or her. How many times can somebody push you, be met with, “No,” push you again so you fall over on the ground, and you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, walk back up to them and say, “No.”? They may punch you, they may try to beat you up, because they’re so afraid of the power that you wield when you say, “No.”

But something else can happen, and it’s so beautiful. Eventually that “No” brings forth a remembrance of their own. At some point they will catch your eye, and your radiance will draw forth their own radiance, and something in them will reverberate with your light. They will begin, just begin— the “seed inside the sprout.” They will remember, “Oh, I am also light.” It may not be a conscious thought, but the anger in them will diminish a bit. They’ll start to look away.

Barbara tells a beautiful story. This is probably 1960 or ’61, somewhere in the Deep South with a group of others, integrating a small southern restaurant. They sat in the restaurant meditating. Everybody had gone out except the manager. An angry crowd was outside. They knew that people had been badly beaten trying to integrate this restaurant in previous weeks, so they knew there was real danger. They were prepared to accept that danger because of the strong intention to bring light and love to the situation.

They meditated, the four of them, for half an hour. All seemed to be ready at once. Barbara could hear then, she could hear the anger outside. She knew there would be people with rotten fruit and wooden clubs and stones.

The four of them came to the door. She was so filled with compassion for these people— not pity, not anger; compassion. These were people deeply in pain. Their beliefs and way of life were being threatened. But the light in her was willing to say no to this. The power of satyagraha, soul force. Gandhi coined that term, soul force.

So they walked to the door. And one of her most powerful memories is coming out and looking at people in the eye, seeing the anger, the fear in their faces, and being able to greet it— no words, no “No,” just looking in the eyes of one person after another. And they could not meet her gaze. Eyes dropped. The weapons in their hand dropped. It wasn’t shame that she was drawing forth, it was a memory that they also were light.

She was not shaming them; their own recognition of who they were caused them to feel some shame about the person they had become. So they dropped the weapons, they stepped back, and the four people walked through to the waiting car and drove away. She remembers this as one of the most powerful memories of her life, the one that really taught her the power of inner light and love. You are that.

Many of you have expressed concern, with the coming inauguration, of what the next years will bring with a leadership that seems more inclined to give voice to negative thought and hostility toward others. I cannot say I’m delighted that this man will be your president, but I think it’s perfect, because he is a mirror for you. He is the angry crowd gathered outside and you are the person walking out the door, and able to walk out, not with hostility and anger in yourself, but with full confidence both of the light within you and the light within him. I do not imagine that this man is going to easily be transformed to know his inner light, but that could happen.

But it’s not about the president-elect, it’s about all of the people in your society who are feeling so much fear and pain and anger, like the crowd drawn outside that restaurant, that they are looking for somebody strong to fix the fear and anger that they feel in situations that elicit it. These are the people to whom your light can speak. But it cannot speak to them until you uncover it in yourselves and let it shine forth.

This light is your essence, you cannot lose it, although you have temporarily lost track of it a bit. What does it mean to keep yourself small? What if you are that light? What if you are all-powerful? And yes, you have not yet resolved your negative emotions. It means that you must be increasingly responsible to any negativity in yourself, able to experience that negativity as arising thought, arising energy, and simply hold space for it until it resolves. You can practice with this on a daily basis. The itch, wanting to scratch— can you just hold space for it? The angry words that somebody said to you— I’m not saying don’t respond, but don’t respond until you hold space and it is not anger and ego responding but love. So each of you has the ability to go deeper and deeper into the essence of love and light within you. You cannot lose it, it is your essence. The darker it gets, the more important to remember your light.

Imagine us entering a cave through a big doorway. The sun is behind us shining light deep into the cave so we easily walk in. You’ve been told there is some cherished treasure— now I’m not speaking of gold here but something really important, something beautiful, that you will find deeper within the cave. So we walk in together. 25 yards, it’s still lit up; 50 yards, 75 yards— it’s beginning to get dark. But you can still turn around and look over your shoulder and see the sun shining through the doorway. So no matter where you are in the cave, you can always turn around and find the doorway. That’s step one.

Eventually, in every life, the cave turns and you lose sight of the doorway. Here we are at that space where the cave turns a corner. Pause here. I am light, I am love. We are light. We are love. Can you feel it? We are light. We are love. We will not be diminished.

Now join hands and let us walk around the corner. Notice that moment of fear, suddenly pitch black and you don’t know which way the cave mouth was. You knew you turned right, but could you turn the correct degree of right to go back around the corner and out? Fear. Ahhh…breathing in, I am aware of the fear, breathing out, I hold space for the fear. Opening, opening… feel the increasing spaciousness, and literally feel the light that you are shining forth. All of you, holding hands, creating a circle of light. You can never lose that light, it’s your essence. Within that light there is enough to retrieve perhaps a lost child in the cave that’s fallen to the floor unconscious. There he is. You go in and pick him up. You lift him up, and your light is enough to turn you back around and walk around the curve, and there is the sunlight again. Emerging into the sunlight.

You really have to be in the darkness to know the power of your light. When you’re in the sunlight, it’s easy, you rely on the external light. But when you are in the darkness in a place of grief, of fear, of confusion, your inner light is vital. When I call this the “Year of Light”, what I am asking, inviting, really, is each of you, especially when it becomes dark, to take the time to remember: I am light, I am love. And that light can never be diminished because it is that light of the Guest within me and you, the Divine within me and you. It can never be lost. When I speak from that light, I transform myself, those around me, and the world.

This is the power you have, in these somewhat shaky times in the world, not knowing what the future will bring in your country. Aware of the increasing violence throughout the world, with the seeming increasing hatred in the world. I invite you to find the source of your power, which is not yours, but the power, of love. And remember that you are undefeatable when you rest in that power. But it is never a power that you can use for your own personal gain or to harm others. It is only the power that all beings have that speaks from the loving heart. And it’s such a joy to rest in that space. …”A million suns come forth with light when I rest firmly in that world.” This is your birthright. Enjoy it and use it well.

Thank you.

 

Dharma Journal – December 2016

The Greatest Gift

Aaron channeled by Barbara Brodsky

Transcription and closed captioned:

November 21, 2016 Monday, Monthly Dharma Talk
(Not yet reviewed by Barbara and Aaron)

Aaron: My blessings and love to you all. I am Aaron. I’m here to share a story this evening, as you enter this holiday period. Let’s call it, “The Greatest Gift.” What is the greatest gift? Certainly not wealth. But what is it? I would say, Love. What is love? Let me tell you my story.

This holiday season I’m going to share a story of time with Jeshua. I loved this man, this friend, and whenever he was near I would try to take time off to go and see him. At this time I was traveling with my young son Mark, a 12 year old boy. Jeshua was further than I usually traveled, but I came to see him because I was heartbroken and I didn’t know what to do. My wife had just died in childbirth, leaving me with Mark, four other children and a newborn infant. Yes, I could be a father. I could find a way to take care of these children, but the love of my life had died. The light of my life was gone, and I did not think I could survive that loss.

Mark came with me. The children went to stay with a relative, including the infant, who I knew would be very well cared for,. Other shepherds were taking care of my flocks and our garden. So I felt free to leave.

We walked for many days, and it was a joy to be with this maturing son. We could even lose the reality of the dead wife, and for Mark, his dead mother, for a few minutes at a time, but both of us were grieving seriously.

One night we had not gotten as far as we hoped, to find a safe and comfortable place to shelter and sleep. It had grown dark. We walked on a bit further in the dark, pushing us, against my wisdom’s voice. I was walking ahead. There was a place where there had apparently been a landslide off the trail; I stepped blindly into it and fell about 15 feet down, into a ravine. I shouted for Mark to stop, even as I slid. I lay at the bottom, not fatally injured but with a badly broken leg. Mark carefully slid down to me. He wrapped me in blankets. He bound my leg. We sheltered there through the night as best we could.

In the morning, other travelers coming down the path stopped to help us. We were fortunate as they could instead have robbed us or even murdered us. Those were the ways of those times. You never knew where people would be loving or not loving. This is equally true of the world then and the world now. But I understood that when I expected people to be loving, I could help to draw the love out of them even if they were caught up in fear or anger. So these two men, dressed very poorly, what you might call highwaymen, stopped to help us. I wanted Mark to hide, lest they hurt him, but he said no, and he climbed up to the top of the slope to stop them and said, “My father has fallen. His leg has broken. I need to get him back up to this trail. Will you help us?”

One of them men bound my leg more securely than Mark had, using several sticks and binding it. And then, while it was very painful, it was manageable. They got me up to the trail and said, “Now what?” to Mark. He did not know, just said, “Thank you,” gave them some of the food we had by way of thanks, and they went on their way.

About two hours later one of these men came back with a mule pulling a small cart. “Where did you find this?” He said, “In the village. I told them there was a man with a broken leg.” I asked for help, and someone gave the help. I promised him that the mule and cart would be returned. It was a spindly mule, it was a shabby cart, but it worked. The man and Mark lifted me into the cart. I gave the man some money and asked him to give it to the one who had loaned us the mule and cart, and that we would bring it back. I was going to see Jeshua and then we would bring it back. So Mark was able to carry me in this way. In another several days’ walk we came to the place where Jeshua was staying with a number of his followers.

By this time I was in very bad pain, body and spirit, not only losing my wife but now afraid the leg would not heal. I had only planned to be away for a few days. What will happen? My children! My sheep! So I was in a state of fear when Jeshua came into sight. And he embraced me, “My brother.” We had much love for each other. You probably have heard some of my stories of our boyhood time together. He had men lift me gently off the cart, carry me into a dwelling place, a simple thatched roof dwelling, lay me on a soft pallet made of straw, but very comfortable, and cover me with blankets. Food was brought to us both.

That first night I was running a high fever and Jeshua sat with me through the night. I could feel the power of his energy enfolding me, embracing me. And good soup was fed to me. Other friends came and went also. Mark was taken care of, of course, fed and given a place to sleep beside me in that hut.

In the morning, I begged Jeshua, “You can heal this. I know you can heal it. Heal it for me so I can go back to my children and my sheep.” He put his hand on my shoulder. He said, “It will heal. Be patient. It will heal.” I noticed that first morning the pain was almost gone, and the fever was gone, and I thought, “Ah, by tomorrow I’ll get up and walk!”

“No, it will take about 6 weeks to heal.”

“But Jeshua, you can heal it like that!” (snapping fingers)

“6 weeks. It will heal.”

Now, I knew it wouldn’t take 6 weeks. Why was he doing this to me? I knew even I could manifest a faster healing, knowing what I did about resting in the ever-perfect and inviting wholeness.

We stayed there for about two days. I was very impatient. My family, my sheep! The borrowed mule and cart! He said, “Mark will return the mule and cart and walk on home. One of these brothers will go with him. We know he is just a boy. We will not send him alone. But when he gets home, he is a  capable shepherd; he can take care of the sheep. He is growing into a man now, and your family is well-taken care of. He will tell them all what happened and that you will be home in 6 weeks.” There was nothing I could do. I could not walk on the leg. I could not force him to heal it, to perform a miracle. So I embraced Mark and he left.

The days went by, and my focus shifted from the broken leg to the broken heart. Every day Jeshua spent time with me. Another mule and comfortable cart were found, so that when the whole group moved to another place, I was comfortably brought with them. Every day Jeshua asked me to talk to him about my wife, what I loved about her. To see that she still existed in my heart. I could not lose her. And so, as the leg healed, the heart healed.

I know Jeshua could have miraculously healed that leg, supported the healing of it. And I would have gone back, back filled with anger and grief. The heart needed time to heal, and Jeshua understood that I would run back and push myself into the effort to take over and do what needed to be done. So in a sense he forced me to stay there.

The greatest gift was his love, and the love of all of those around me. So many people came and sat by me. They talked to me— not only Jeshua, but others, drawing my love for my wife out to the surface. I had hidden it because it was too painful. Their love allowed me to remember that I carried her here in the heart and could not lose her; helping me to find joy and faith again.

Jeshua is and was such a strong reflection of the divine, that being in his presence, it’s impossible to forget the power of love and the healing power of love. I had forgotten, in my grief. But as it came back, finally there came the day when I knew, “When I am ready to go back, I will not go back with anger and fear.” Sadness, yes. Sadness and grief are different. Sadness and joy balance each other. The ability to know sadness, to open one’s heart to loss, is very powerful. When the heart is open that way, it can receive joy. But I knew that i was not caught in grief grounded in anger. “Why did this happen? They should have been able to save her. Not fair!” No, just gratitude for the years I had spent with her. Love in my heart for her. And knowing that I could love again. Maybe not taking a new wife, but I could love my children, I could love my friends and neighbors. And I could love in a new relationship, if that showed up. The heart was open. The greatest gift waslove, and receiving that love.

It was very interesting. As this shift happened, one morning I said to Jeshua, “My heart is so open. I really think the grief and anger are gone.” And he smiled and said, “Yes, I think so too.” We sat there, me on a bench with my leg elevated, the splint still tied around it. But I did not put weight on it. Jeshua looked at me and said, “Yes, I think you’re ready,” and he unbound the splint from my leg. He said, “Now stand up and walk.”

“I haven’t walked for 6 weeks, will it hold me?”

“Shhh, no fear. Come back to the loving heart. Know that it is healed. Know that it will hold you.”

And so I stood up, and I walked. Of course the body was weak from a period of not walking. I did not set off to return home immediately. My first impulse was, “Now that I can walk I must go home!” Jeshua said, “No, you need time for the body to fully strengthen.” So another week, 10 days, passed strengthening the body. And then finally it was time to say goodbye, carrying with me this greatest gift, the gift of love.

This is what I wish you for this holiday season. May love light your hearts so much that it brims over and is shared with the whole world. May you find the joy of loving and being loved. I love you very much.