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Healing and the Ever Perfect Workshop | May 24, 2017 | Transcript

May 24, 2017 Wednesday Evening, Healing Workshop

This transcript has been reviewed by Barbara and Tavis
Technical  delay in starting so beginning with introductions

Barbara: introduces herself

Tavis: One of the things they asked me to talk about is how I join allopathic medicine and the energy work. Many people ask, how did you even get into energy work, being an allopathic physician? So I’ll talk a little about that now, and we’re supposed to talk more about it in a little bit. I’m an M.D., Internal Medicine, Board Certified with the Board of Internal Medicine, and also part of the clinical faculty for the University of Washington. So those are allopathic credentials. I’ve been in practice for almost 30 years, with Indian Health Service in the 1990s, and head of the hospital there for a while, and in private practice since 1999. I closed the private practice in 2015 in order to pursue more of a mixture of the spiritual energy work and a little bit of allopathic medicine. When we practice allopathic medicine under the standards of care through our governing bodies we can’t really use spiritual medicine or alternative medicines. They’re not standards of care, they’re not FDA approved, so I have to separate those. But there is a way for me to combine those, and I’ll talk a little bit about that later.

So that’s my introduction. The next introductions are Aaron and the spirit doctors…

Barbara: We’re getting a little bit of a late start here. We’re going to be working with a number of entities today. Well, I’m an entity, Tavis is an entity! But also Aaron, of course, and Jeshua; Three of what I consider spirit doctors, who go by the names Father John, Father Kindness, and Dr. O.; the Mother, who many of you are familiar with; and another very loving entity who presents herself more as female, Sister Love. They’ll be the prime presenters, but don’t be surprised at anyone who drops in!

I’m going to get out of the way and let Spirit speak…

Aaron: My love to you. I am Aaron. I know they said Jeshua would start, but I just want to come in, say hello and welcome you. As Barbara pointed out, many different entities will be coming in and out of Barbara’s body, so we need your help to keep the energy high. If you get up to walk out of the room for any reason, that’s fine. Don’t rush out and rush back, because that breaks the energy. Walk out gracefully, lovingly. Come back and feel the high energy in the room while you stand at the door, say thank you, and take your seat, so you’re not crashing into the energy.

Part of the reason that I came in first is that Jeshua would far prefer to sit on a stool. (They adjust the seating.) Jeshua, will this work? (Yes.)

Jeshua: My love to you all. They call me Jeshua. Thank you for being here with us today. Now we will start the program.

You are light. You are love. You ask the question, who heals? What heals? What is the nature of distortion? I want to begin the program by addressing these questions.

Let us begin with a simple prayer that I think all of you know. You know “The Lord’s Prayer,” as being my words. “When you pray, pray this way.” What did I mean by these words? Let’s take it a piece at a time, because I think this foundation is vital to your understanding of everything else we will discuss today.

“Our Father/Mother/Divine Creator, the Source of all that is, we praise Thy name.”

Now, the Divine Creator— co-Creator with you;  the source of light and love, does not need your praise. There’s no ego there. Why would it seek praise? The praise is for you. When you praise, you raise your vibration. You come up to a higher place of love and begin to know who you truly are. “We praise your name.” —whatever name you give, and each tradition gives its own name. There is one God/Goddess/Divinity, many names. I love you. I cherish you and all that you have created.

“Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done.”

In other words, may this light and love that you are be found everywhere. And may I of my own free will be a part of creating that light and love throughout all the universes, all the galaxies, everywhere. I am light, I am love; therefore I am created in Thine image, I am light and love, and I choose to be a part of the co-creation on this heavy density planet. “Thy kingdom come.” Thy will of Love everywhere and in everything. The Knowing of that love in everything. “Thy will be done.”

“Give us this day our daily bread.”

Is anybody here hungry? Do you need bread? What do you need? Do you need Light and love? What truly nourishes you? I think we can find some bread in the kitchen, if anyone needs it. But I doubt that’s what you truly need. If it is what you need, of course we’ll make sure it’s available to you. But the essence, light, high vibration, love; that is what we ask. “Give us this day our daily bread.”

“And forgive us our trespasses.”

That’s a harder one. If you know yourself to be light and always act in accordance with that light, then there are no so-called trespasses. But coming into this heavy density planet you forget who you are, and you cease to know yourself as light and as love. And then you act in antithesis to the core of your being, which is light and love. You act in service to self instead of service to all beings because you have slipped into the illusion of separation.

We ask forgiveness for that, that which shaped us, shaped us with free will and the possibility to hold to that true light or to slip into distortion. When you slip into distortion, you suffer. When you suffer and you are paying attention, it helps you learn not to slip into the distortion of separation but to hold the space of love.

We ask forgiveness, we ask compassion for ourselves and all beings who, because of the humanness and living on this heavy density planet, do slip into distortion, do transgress against the illusory other, which is really the self. Because when I harm another, I harm myself.

“and help us to forgive those who trespass against us.”

To see that they have also slipped into the illusion of separation, and out of that illusion have acted and spoken in ways that do harm. Each time we say, “I hold you in my heart,” seeing the pain that creates the distortion of separation, we forgive. And in forgiving others, we forgive ourselves.

“Lead us not into temptation.”

Lead us not into the paths that the separated ego would walk, but help us to know our innate connection with God/Goddess/All That Is.

“Deliver us from evil.”

What is evil? How can anything be evil if God has created everything? On the ultimate level, there is no evil. On the relative level, we slip into the ego self, into the stories. Deliver us from, let us say from slipping into the illusion of separation. That’s my best definition of evil: to become caught in the illusion of separation. “Deliver us from evil.”

“For Thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory.”

The one God/Goddess/Infinite Creator, the heart of love, it is that, the divine essence, that we adore and with which we come to know in non-duality.

That is my meaning behind that prayer. Now let us take this one step further.

Who are you and why are you here? You are love. You have always been love, even when you forget that you are love. You have the Bible story of the Garden of Eden, and some of you cry out, “Return me to Eden! Why was I evicted from the Garden? What sin did I commit, to be thusly removed?” No sin. You are always in the Garden. How could you be anywhere else?

This is part of the illusion to which you have agreed. When you first found yourself with awakening consciousness in that Garden, the first moment of “I Am”, of a self, there was the idea of separation from God. If I am, then God must be separate. This is akin to the birth of the child, who as the fetus, dwells in unity with the mother. But upon its birth it experiences itself eventually as separate from the mother. Not immediately; eventually. And it did not happen for you immediately, either.

This spark of God that you are, this spark of consciousness eventually looked around itself in this heavenly realm and said, “I am.” And then, “If I am, and I do not feel God’s presence, then I must be out of the Garden. How do I come back?” Saint Joh/n of the Cross speaks of this experience as the “Dark Night of the Soul.” The rest of the journey has all been your attempt to come home to God, to come home to your true self, to know yourself as you are.

But here’s something interesting. That which we think of as God or Divine Essence or Creator, is infinite. And if it’s infinite it includes everything, including you. It includes loving thoughts and angry thoughts. It includes joy and sorrow. It includes fear and love. You are here in incarnation to end the dualities. If something is pushed aside, is thought of as not divine, it seems to be outside of the heart of love. It is something seen as needing to be fixed, something broken. But what if everything is an expression of God/Goddess/All That Is, of love?

There are some what you might think of as beautiful expressions, and some what you might think of as contracted, negative expressions. Are they not all a part of the One?

A battery has a positive pole and a negative pole. Only one battery. It cannot be a battery unless it has a positive pole and a negative pole. That which we think of as positive lives with the intention of service to all beings, the intention of love. That which we think of as negative lives with intention of service to self, and putting the self above others. But the Self is also part of Creation. Is ego negative? Is ego evil? No, nothing is evil. Ego is a misunderstanding, caught in the delusion of separation. If everything is Divine then ego is also Divine. But now it expresses as an uncontrolled contraction, pushing itself, separating itself, instead of knowing itself as everything.

You have come into the incarnation to more fully know yourself as non-dual with All That Is; to look at the beautiful expressions that we might call positive polarity, and the, let’s call them the more unattractive expressions that we might call negative polarity, and to bring the negative back into the loving heart; not to empower the negative but to invite it back into the heart. This is why Aaron keeps telling you, when something negative arises, bring it into the heart. Fear, anger, greed, you don’t have to enact them, but don’t hate them and thereby empower them. As Aaron would tell you, they have arisen from conditions. Let them be, and return to the true self.

You have lived with the Garden of Eden myth for a long time, with the idea that you had to do something to finally fix yourself, to scour off the negative so that you could be the beautiful one that you are. You have believed that you can only reconnect to the source of love if you do a good job of scouring and finally get rid of all the negative. This applies to your emotions, to your thoughts, to your body, until people come to me and say, “Why am I sick? What did I do wrong? How do I get rid of the illness?” Rather, the question needs to be, how do you embrace everything— fear, anger, negative thoughts, body discomfort? What is the true nature of body distortion? I will speak more about this today, and others of these Brothers and Sisters of Light will speak. I wanted to simply get topics started.

What is the nature of illness? Of course, there are many grounds for illness— environmental, genetic, different causes for illness in the body. But let’s talk more about what perpetuates it and what releases it.

If you know yourself to belong in the Garden, you know you have the right to be there, the absolute right to be there. You have always been there. Come back. Why do you hold yourself apart?

You might say that I came to Earth, in the lifetime when you knew me as Jeshua, to invite you all back into the Garden. That’s where you live. You’ve always been in the Garden, but you forgot. So, wake up! Come back! Be there with me. It’s lonely there without you.

I’m going to give the body back to Barbara at this point, to let Barbara and Tavis take this wherever it will go next. Thank you.

Barbara: Thank you, Jeshua. This is Barbara. This is a little tricky part of it, and I asked Aaron and Jeshua, can I really do this? Can I really have Jeshua leave the body and me, Barbara speak soon after?  They said, “yes”. So give me one minute to ground myself here. His energy is so high it’s a little hard to come back to Barbara consciousness. But they decided Jeshua needed to talk first, and it was easier for me to talk second than later when there had been numerous other entities in the body.

I’m going to go back and sit in my chair; Jeshua can have the stool…

So we’re talking here now about the questions, what is healing, what needs to be healed, who heals. I’ve been asked to speak personally about the simultaneity of the ever-perfect and distortion. Tavis asked me to clarify: what do I mean by ever-perfect? What do I mean by distortion?

Imagine a flat ocean, no ripple anywhere on the surface. Then the wind blows, and ripples form. We could say the ripples are a distortion of the flatness. But there’s nothing negative about them; this is the nature of the ocean. More wind blows and waves form. Are the waves ever separate from the stillness of the ocean? The ocean is stillness and fluidity, stillness and movement. The waves are not separate from the ocean. Our minds and bodies move into areas of contraction, and they’re not separate from the core of radiance and stillness. They’re not bad, but the ripple is felt as a distortion.

BB here

One image gave me many years ago that I found helpful. I was down at the lake at night, sitting on my boat. It was a very clear night and the water was perfectly still. I had a brilliant flashlight. Aaron asked me to shine the flashlight down into the water. The water was very clear. In the daytime one can see the bottom. The light hit the water, and then it seemed to bend because the water has a different density than the air. So the light was straight, and then bent. He said, is the light truly bending? No, but there’s the illusion that it’s bending. This is just the play of different densities or vibrations.

If I feel loving, truly open-hearted and connected, and then something comes up that arouses anger, I personally think of anger as a distortion. I feel it as a contracting energy. Then Aaron asks, “is this other than love? Is there anything here that’s not love?” The anger is just a distortion of love. If I couldn’t love, then anger wouldn’t come. One of the conditions that gives rise to anger is that I’m capable of loving. Does that make sense to you? If I was not capable of loving, I would not care enough to move into anger. But because I want to protect, or because fear comes up based on that love, I may move into the distortion of anger. They’re not separate.

This is about the relationship of the relative and the ultimate.  I’m going to bring out these nested canisters. Some of you have seen this demonstration years ago. We have an ultimate reality (large canister) and a relative reality (small canister). Most of the time we spend our time in relative reality. We look out, peek around (pulls out a small teddy bear from the relative canister). Relative reality. Sometimes when we look out we say, “Ooo, there’s a big space out there.” Back into relative reality, “It’s too big out there.” We forget that relative reality is inside ultimate reality, and that when we’re in relative reality we’re also always in ultimate reality.

We have some profound meditation experiences that leave us in the ultimate. “Wow!” But we can’t stay there. Eventually we come back to the relative. Then we have a profound meditation experiences of the ultimate, in which we begin to see that we can come out of relative reality and really straddle them, one foot in each. We start to gain balance there, get a little bit comfortable with being in both. But we are still trying to move back and forth— relative, ultimate, relative, ultimate. When something scares us— boom! We jump back into the relative. The relative goes back into the ultimate, but we’re back into the relative, lid on, and fail to realize the simultaneous presence of the ultimate.

For me, the most powerful part of all my years of spiritual practice has been truly understanding the simultaneity of relative and ultimate. If I’m in a deep meditation in ultimate reality, I’m still in relative reality. When I lose myself in relative reality with a lid on, I’m still in ultimate reality. I can’t lose ultimate reality.

So what does this mean to my life? I want to give two short examples. Through all my childhood, teenage, and young adult years I had a very strong sense of unworthiness. I had done a lot of work with myself meditating and with therapy and so forth. I understood intellectually that I was not unworthy, but that was still the label I gave myself. If I was at a party, for example, and came in and walked up to somebody and then maybe somebody tapped their shoulder and they looked away from me— “Oh! I’m unworthy. They don’t care about me. They don’t love me. Something’s wrong with me.”

About 25 years ago I was at a month-long meditation retreat, and as I did walking meditation and saw people walking toward me, Aaron invited me, instead of looking away as was the instruction for the retreat, making no eye contact, to look up. Of course, as soon as I made eye contact with them, they looked away, because we’re told, “no eye contact”. They looked away and shame came up. And then Aaron asking the question, “is there anybody unworthy here? Can you see that this whole story just arose from conditions and has no ultimate truth?”

Gradually— good that it was a month, I needed the whole month—but gradually my heart began to open to this human that had the conditioned experience to believe myself to be unworthy and to move into shame. Finally, I said to Aaron, if I’m not unworthy I must be worthy. He said that’s just another story. No worthiness, no unworthiness. Can there be compassion for the human that still has not purified the conditions that give rise to unworthiness? The story “I’m unworthy” still occasionally arose, without believing in the story, without getting hooked into the story. Just, here is old conditioning. The relative level, “I’m unworthy!”, and the ultimate level, “No one is every unworthy, including me.” Filled with love, feeling connection, feeing joy. Moving back and forth between the two.

By the end of the month, two things had happened. I no longer believed myself to be unworthy. I did not get hooked into that story anymore. And I was filled with compassion for the human who had. I was no longer trying to fix myself because I didn’t find anything broken in myself anymore. Understanding the simultaneity of relative and ultimate with my heart, not intellect, really got me there. It’s very powerful.

For the second part of this, let’s fast-forward to a few years ago. I was experiencing extreme pain in my back. The MRI and other tests showed that I had spinal stenosis, which is a condition in which the bone has closed in around the nerves that come out from the spine, pinching those nerves, creating pain, and in my case, also some degree of paralysis. There were times when I would be standing and feel my legs gave way and collapse to the ground. It was scary.

The doctors here at UM Hospital wanted to do surgery, a 14-inch incision on my back to cut into the bone that was pinching the nerves. I had bulging discs, and they wanted to put in a metal screws to push the spinal pieces apart to relieve pressure on the discs. There was a good chance that this would work, maybe an 80% chance that I would have real relief after the surgery. There would be six months of recovery and a brace, gradually strengthening after that, 80% chance all would turn out well. There was also a 20% chance that they could nick the spinal cord and I would end up paralyzed from the waist down, based on the various pictures and tests they took, and where the nerves were in relation to the surface.

What was I going to do? I was in agonizing pain, and I couldn’t walk. Ultimate and relative. The relative reality: there is this stenosis. It’s real. I must deal with it in some way. The ultimate reality: the perfect spine is there, just like the one who has never been unworthy is there. The ever-perfect spine is there. How do I return to that ever-perfect spine? My choice was to turn to the entities at John of God’s Casa de Dom Inaçio. In meditation, they said they thought they could help me, no guarantees. For them to be able to help me, instead of relating to the spine as damaged and something that had to be fixed, I needed to meditate and know the strong perfect spine, to visualize it; to feel the places of blocked energy and invite the simultaneity of a full flow of energy; to love my spine. I needed also to do the work of asking, what does this inability to walk protect me from? In what ways am I allowing myself to shrink back from being the fullness that I am?

I can only say it’s been two years now, and they continue to work on me. I can stand up and the back is strong. I don’t walk perfectly, (demonstrating, inaudible). The best thing is there’s no pain. I still have bad balance, related to my lack of middle-ear balance, but there’s no pain, I can stand erect, and my body isn’t hunched over. I’m starting to love my spine and know the innate perfection that’s capable gradually of expressing itself. It’s not going to be instant, because the physical body is the heavy density part of this, and it takes time to shift itself from distortion into perfection. But the body is capable of expressing that innate perfection.

These two experiences, with unworthiness and with my body, have taught me so much about what heals, how we heal, how we support healing or block healing. It’s been amazing. I’m fully convinced now that, I won’t say that everything can heal— I suppose I’m not convinced that if my arm ended up being cut off, I could grow a new arm. I probably could but I don’t believe it yet, so I probably can’t because I don’t believe it! I’m not going to invite an accidental amputation of a limb in order to learn that. I pass. I’ll trust that I could do it if it I had to, and not push it.

The process is just not becoming self-identified with the illness. Ask the question, what does this illness protect me from? If I was not experiencing this, what might I be experiencing? For example with my deafness, I found very early on the part of me that did not want to hear the screams of the world, the cries of agony of the world. I found past-life connections. I’m not saying that I became deaf because I did not want to hear the screams of the world; I became deaf because the nerves were oxygen-starved during childbirth, for whatever reasons. There was a genetic predisposition to this happening. I became deaf for many reasons. But the deeper healing is that while the ears still don’t hear, there’s nothing karmically holding me to being deaf anymore. I still feel that eventually I’m going to hear.

What blocks healing? What is healing? Returning to the ever-perfect. Okay, enough from me. I’m going to pass this to Tavis.

Tavis: I’m honored that I’ve been asked to speak about the allopathic medicine and the energy that I use. Often people ask, how did I even start using energy being trained as an MD? I’m also Native, and 20 years ago I apprenticed with a Medicine person, in a very strict, traditional Native training for what we call a Ceremonial Elder. People of the non-Native communities often refer to that as a shaman path. We don’t use that term. It was during this journey that I became connected to my higher self and began to learn about spiritual healing. I was fortunate about a decade ago to undergo treatment by my helpers to eradicate some health issues that, as an MD physician I would never have believed was possible. And so that began the journey of learning from these helpers how to help others to learn in similar ways.

Now does this mean that I don’t use allopathic medicine or I don’t believe in it anymore? No, I sincerely believe that allopathic medicine with our procedures and our medications are very helpful. And the other modalities— chiropractic, naturopath, massage, various and sundry of other modalities are helpful as well. And at any point in our healing path, some components are going to be helpful to us and some components are not.

But overall what we need for healing is healing of our spiritual and our emotional and psychological self, because those are tied inherently and deeply with our physical body and our energy centers that are there. We can attempt to heal just physically, but often some of those illnesses will come back because we haven’t done the other work of the spiritual, emotional, and psychological healing. So learning how to combine these many aspects, is what we’re using now. I’m using the term “we” because I’m working with a very high energy group of healers we call the Brothers and Sisters of Light. And why do they need someone like myself or Barbara, other people, to channel or facilitate this healing? It was explained to me to consider a fiberoptic cable. It’s wound with insulation, and when you get fully-insulated fiberoptic cable, you get a very clear message, like when you’re looking at your TV. If your cable is working well, you’re happy because the insulation is all intact. But if you get a little nick in it, it doesn’t work so well and your picture is all jumbled up. And you make all these calls to Infinity, or Xfinity— probably we should call Infinity, but we’re calling Xfinity! But what they explained is, those of us in 3rd density form that help facilitate these healings and can channel, we are creating that connection, and creating sort of that insulation. We’re able to help facilitate that message in a much clearer aspect than if it was just coming without one of us to help ground that and pass it on to the individual that we’re working with. The spirit realm needs a 3rd density being to optimally connect to another 3rd density being.

So using that channeled connection is a teamwork approach and a process that’s not only the healers’ and myself, but the patient’s. The patient is integrally involved in this. It’s not miracle healing. We’re not going to put you on a table, wave our hands and say, “Ah, you’re cured! You’re thinking.” This takes work.” Yes, it takes more work than taking a pill every day. You need to work on your psychological, your mental, your emotional issues. We give specified meditation healings, imagery done specifically for whatever process we’re trying to help you heal. And this involves you in this intricate process. And as we go forward this evening, the other spirit doctors and Aaron are going to talk more in depth about what those processes are, and why it’s so important. But this is how I am melding the allopathic and spiritual. I’m fortunate enough to have almost 30 years of medical practice and a broad understanding of diseases and illnesses, and I can use this information in combination with the help from the healing entities to directly affect what is going on in the physical body in a much more direct way. And this is what patients have said that have had some other types of energy healing, is that we’re being very direct. And this direct approach is quite beneficial in addition to the processes they’re doing which we call “the homework”: their meditation and their working on their other issues.

I think this is where we’re going to take a break, now…


Part 2

Tavis: I’ve been asked to give a few examples of what our healing process looks like.

A gentleman came who has bad diabetes and vascular disease, meaning he had a lot of arteries that were blocked. He had stents in the arteries in his legs to help the blood flow, but even those stents were blocked, and his vascular surgeon said there was nothing more he could do, he gave him an exercise program. But every time the gentleman walked, he had a significant amount of pain. So he came saying that he was tired of physicians and surgeons anyway, even if they could do anything for him, and wanted a different approach.

We began to work. After the first session he came back in a week. I said, “How’s your neuropathy? “which is nerve pain in the hands and feet of diabetics. He said, “They don’t hurt anymore, and I actually forgot about them.” It’s interesting that nerve pain actually responds really well to energy work, and I think that’s because of the electrical components of it. His legs, he had 5 days of pain-free walking, and then he started to get some pain again the next couple of days. So we did some more work, another treatment, and gave him homework. We taught him how to do meditation healing with some imagery to help keep the vessels in his legs open and the nerves healthy. And after 6 weeks of weekly sessions he could walk without pain. He had no neuropathy in his hands or his feet. And he actually had pulses in his feet, which he did not have pulses when we started. So that was very exciting.

We had another woman come in that had a neurogenic bladder, which meant that she couldn’t urinate without using a catheter, the bladder wouldn’t contract. She would hold up to 700cc of urine in her bladder; normal is around 30cc. 100cc is okay, but when you get much above that it can become a problem with infections and such. So she was catheterizing on a regular basis to get rid of the urine.

When I worked with her, it felt like something was going on in her back. So we did a treatment, and then she came back the next week, and she said, “I can urinate, and I think I’m getting rid of almost all my urine.” I said, “Just to be safe, catheterize at night. We’ll get some studies.” I wanted to look at her back. So we got an MRI of her back, and we got an ultrasound of her bladder, something we call a PVR, post-void residual, looking at how much urine is left after one urinates. When I saw her the following week, the MRI showed that she had a disc pinching on her nerve, something that the radiologist was calling cauda equina which typically needs surgery to correct or else you can develop paralysis from below the point where it’s pinching on the nerve. Her post-void residual was now down to 100cc from 700cc. Subsequently she can urinate on her own, she doesn’t need to use the catheter anymore. And we prevented her from needing surgery to release the impingement on the spinal cord.

Another person recently developed a number of kidney stones. Most of them passed but one got stuck, which is not uncommon if it is large. Urine backs up and causes the kidney to swell, we call this hydronephrosis. After a month this person decided that they needed more assistance because they weren’t going to be able to clear the stone. I said, you’ll need to see the urologist, which will take you a week, and you’ll need to undergo a procedure, or you can let me try and work on you now.

So I worked on him; it doesn’t take long, 5 minutes. The next day he called saying he was passing fragments of stone. He happened to be an ultrasound tech. He checked the ultrasound. The stone was gone that had been stuck in the ureter. Two weeks later the hydronephrosis was gone. All this without requirement of anesthesia and lithotripsy and other procedures they would have had to do to get rid of that stone.

And we have many other illnesses and health issues that have improved: Dysarthria from stroke, her speech therapist called in the other speech therapist in the clinic to listen, she was amazed. We had a kid that was having facial tics and couldn’t focus in school. That’s gone, and he’s doing well in school. Just a myriad of disease and illness processes that are improving. And people are feeling lighter and happier because they’re also healing their spiritual and emotional selves. So it’s very exciting.

Q: Do they also do spiritual or emotional work to help with these conditions?

Tavis: Yes. Part of their homework is to work on their own spiritual and emotional issues as well as the imagery that we give with the meditation healing.

Q: How do you determine what the emotional blockages are?

Tavis: We’re going to go through this with the other spirit doctors that are going to come in, who are going to address these blockages in more detail. So we’ll answer that in a little bit.

So I’m going to turn this over to Aaron…

Aaron: My blessings and love to you all. I am Aaron. Let’s step back a bit, into intellect and philosophy, to use it as a foundation.

Jeshua said, come back to the Garden. Come back to knowing your innate perfection. The seeming distortions which are real on the relative level are nonexistent on the ultimate level. But because you hold onto them— Barbara used the example of her feelings of shame and unworthiness. There was a strong self-identification with these. She had to be willing to ask, when I am not being the one who is unworthy, who am I? What if I’m not unworthy? And to regard the fear, “what does unworthiness protect me from?”

If one believes oneself to be unworthy or limited in other ways, does not understand one’s unlimitedness, one then has an excuse. “I can’t do it. I can’t change the suffering in the world or in myself or in my community. I’m small. I’m helpless.” But you are huge. You can do anything.

What if you try and you cannot do it? That’s part of the fear. For some, it’s more frightening to think of letting people down than not trying at all, or it can be more frightening. The opposite side of it: what if I can do it? What if I really am that powerful? But because you have deep intention to live your lives without harm and with love, and because you have not yet fully resolved the negative emotions— they still arise— there’s fear of your power. If you are infinite, unlimited, and anger comes up, you could blow up the world with that anger, or at least that’s the fear. You see that fear of their power in little children, and then they start to become rational and realize, “I can’t really blow up the world.” But at some level there’s fear of knowing your power.

As Jeshua reminded you, you came into the incarnation to co-create a universe of love, a higher vibration. Quite literally, to help shift this heavier density Earth into a higher vibration. What do I mean by higher or lower vibration? I think this experience becomes more accessible when you think about contraction versus spaciousness.

I’d like you all to clench your fists, make yourself tight. Make yourself small. Can you feel that energy can’t easily flow when you’re contracted like that? Tension. You may contract with the thoughts like, “I can’t do anything.” Or with anger held down, tight. (pause) Now I’d ask you to bring your hands together. Breathe deep, fill the chest, open the chest, the pelvis. Say thank you, thank you. Can you feel how that changes your energy? Can you feel the spaciousness in thank you? Can you feel it?

Years ago, I gave a number of sequential classes, that you can probably find on the Archives, on energy. Let’s talk about this briefly.

Contracted. I put something in the hand and the hand closes around it. And then I give it back, and the hand opens. That’s a natural and balanced contraction. The breath comes in, and then flows out, the chest contracting and expanding; a balanced contraction. Balanced contractions are healthy. As a human, your whole life is filled with these balanced contractions.

When the contraction becomes unbalanced, tight, contracted, it is a cause for distortion. For many people, the whole body is contracted most of the time. The opposite, not to contract at all, to just stay spacious, well you can’t live that way. To breathe, to chew, to give and take, there must be some degree of contraction. How do we invite balance?

Think of a river carrying logs. The logs are flowing smoothly down the river, sometimes crashing into each other, but mostly flowing smoothly. But there is a dam, so as the logs flow down river, eventually they tighten against each other. There will be a lot of contraction, hyper movement. Then the logs become so impacted that they stop; they can’t go anywhere. Logjam. You might think that the remedy would be to push harder, to break up the logjam, but the more logs you push into it, the more it becomes jammed. If you remove some logs, gradually there’s space again.

When negative emotion arises, emotions like fear, grasping, or anger, and the body contracts, and then you think, “I should fix it,” that “I should” is just like putting more logs into the network, contracting and contracting and contracting.

What brings spaciousness? A favorite teaching of mine: that which we do not love comes as teacher. We begin to see the contraction around the emotional, mental or physical issues. If we remember, “This has not come to harm me; this has come as teacher— thank you,” just that change of energy allows the heart to open, “Thank you,” opens the whole system. It allows the energy to flow again.

We’re here today primarily talking about physical healing, but also emotional and mental. When you fight with whatever distortion has arisen, try to get rid of it or to fix it, you pull the whole body into a contracted state. Friction occurs. Eventually with that friction, the body will wear itself out. If you do not contract around unpleasant catalyst but remind yourself just to stop and say, “Thank you, teacher. This too has come because I have come into the incarnation to learn to practice love. Thank you, teacher. I will hold my heart open, even to this,” then you don’t contract around it. Then the body does not deepen into that particular distortion and become more and more ill.

I want to be careful here. I am not suggesting for those of you who have some ongoing ailment that you are making yourself sick, only that you are following the habitual tendencies of the human. And if you will remember that what you came here to practice is love, spaciousness, cultivation of an open heart rather than fear, and ask yourself, “Right here with fear, where is love? Right here with pain, where is release from pain?”, this to me is the path to healing.

There are many causes of dis-ease, physical, mental and emotional. There is one clear path to healing in all of these situations, and that is to remember the power of love. It is normal for the human when something hurts to think, “I need to fix it.” But can you feel how just with the word “fix” you begin to contract? How about, “I choose to love it.”? Is that different? Which has more contraction, “I need to fix it” or “I choose to love it”? With “I choose to love it” you also have the intention to release it. You’re not loving it and hanging onto it, you’re loving it and letting it go. But you are not trying to fix anything.

The interesting thing is, when you give energy to fixing, you are giving energy to the distortion. This re-energizes the distortion. It keeps it going. Barbara mentioned her back. The primary learning for her of the first 6 months of back pain was, every time her back froze up with pain, to stop and breathe, feeling the expansion of the pelvis, opening. She was invited to learn the anatomy of that part of her back, a combination of muscles, nerves, and so forth called the lumbar plexus. The stenosis was in the lumbar spine. She began, with mindfulness, to watch the small contractions, not just pain in the spine but to observe what was painful. The whole spine? The whole lumbar spine? No. Where was the pain? The nerves being pinched. Well, when she breathed and made more space in the pelvis, the nerves were not as pinched. Then gradually it could open. She became more adept at identifying the specific areas of pain rather than just, “Oh, my back hurts.” Then, not, “Fix my back that hurts,” but, like holding a child that’s crying, “Oh…”, comforting her back in that way. Loving her back, not trying to fix it. This is what promotes healing.

Your body is a wonderful tool for learning because it’s so responsive. As soon as you close up there’s going to be pain. As soon as you try to fix there’s going to be even more pain. As soon as you breathe and open, pain will recede. So I think you learn faster from the physical body than the emotional and mental bodies. “Thank you.” But that doesn’t mean you want to perpetuate the pain, only to choose. I choose to release this, to release my whole long-term relationship with it; to see any karma that’s holding this to me. I choose to live without this kind of pain and without suffering. It is possible. But keep in mind, whatever you do not love comes as teacher. It is not there for you to fight but to pay attention to. “Thank you, what have you come to teach me?”

Let us move on here. We have karmic, environmental, physical, emotional, mental causes for dis-ease or distortion. We have many supports for healing. Love is the primary one. Knowing your innate spaciousness. Let’s move on to the question, what blocks healing? I’m going to pass this to Tavis.

Tavis, I am going to stay in the body at this point, so that if you want one of the other entities to come in, they’re very available.

Tavis:  We’re going to discuss blocks to healing. The basic understanding is, whenever we have these blocks it interferes with the energy and the love and light that’s flowing through us to help us heal. I’m going to name a block and ask that Aaron or Father John or Dr. O or anyone else who wants to chime in can discuss it in further detail.

One of the first ones on the list is self-doubt.

Aaron: I am Aaron and I am asking who would like to comment…

Father John: I am Father John. I am happy to be here with you. Barbara has been practicing with us, not having to go back to Barbara-consciousness,  but being able to let us move the body back and forth between us. We will do that for as much as we are able. And I am not as practiced in speaking through her body, so if I drop the voice, please let me know.

What is self-doubt? It’s not knowing the divine self. It’s identifying with the small self. I personally find that this self-identification with limitedness is a primary block to healing.

Tavis: I agree, that when we do not believe in our own ability to be healthy or to heal, we block the way to healthiness.

FJ: Then the next question is, what supports this self-doubt? What cements it in place? And this goes back to what Jeshua said, about the belief, “I must scour all the negativity off myself before I am able to return to connection to the Divine. I am not capable of that so I will keep myself small.” So my question then is, and this is not just a spiritual question but is also a psychological question; we see this kind of belief in one’s own limitedness, one’s refusal to acknowledge the divinity of the self in both what I would call healthy and unhealthy individuals. Those who have a healthy physical body seem to be able to maintain that body even with this denial of the radiance of the self. So I wonder and would like to dialog with you about what you think is happening, because this is one of my challenges. I see people come to me as a spirit doctor, seeking healing who hold onto the sense of limited self and self-doubt, and then I can work with them to help move them spiritually through the self-doubt and into embracing the self. Then the physical healing can follow. But I see those who do not seem to have this attachment to a limited self, and yet the body does not seem to heal. I have some thoughts about this, but I wonder what you have seen of this.

Tavis: Along with the self-doubt and absence of divinity for oneself I think is linked unworthiness and shame. I agree, I don’t totally understand why some people are ill without the concept of their own divinity, yet others appear healthy. Perhaps that is where a difference is. They appear healthy but maybe are not as healthy as we see them.

FJ: I understand what you’re saying, Tavis. We need to keep in mind that each lifetime is just like that, (snapping fingers) and that the belief in one’s limitedness, the belief in… the feelings of unworthiness, all of this may not present in this lifetime. And yet, because they have presented in past lifetimes, the body moves into the ailments. We cannot just say we need to get past feelings of limitedness and unworthiness and so forth in this lifetime to heal. However, most people do not have access to the past lifetimes.

So what I personally find most helpful when somebody who does not seem to have much self-doubt or self-negation, feelings of unworthiness, but they’re moving into a limited space, the body is expressing dis-ease…

— One moment please. I am not nearly as articulate as Aaron. I need help to find the right words…

Aaron: I am Aaron. I understand what Father John is saying; let me see if I can articulate it.

We’re talking about the soul that is constantly growing from one lifetime to another. It moves into a negative physical pattern in one lifetime, that may present the human an opportunity not to move into the habitual patterns of shame or unworthiness or fear, but to love oneself with that physical pattern. That can present a very strong pathway to healing in this lifetime, and karmically can shift the whole karmic habit, when something unpleasant or challenging arises, of closing down into limitation. So that the person may move into increasing physical discomfort, even die, and yet there is profound healing because they no longer believe themselves to be the one that is impotent, incapable, limited. They know the wholeness of the self, and with that base in the next lifetime will not have the need to create such disease— I don’t want to use “create” because that can be interpreted to mean your fault, you created it. They may not have the need to participate in such disease. If the body still has certain karma that has it pick up certain patterns of cancer or heart disease or Alzheimer’s or whatever, it will do so. But there’s much more power to drop that off and heal from it because the karma that perpetuated this from lifetime to lifetime to lifetime has passed, has been liberated.

Tavis: So you are saying they can heal the mental/emotional karmic issues without actually recognizing their divinity, and move on in the next lifetime with better physical health.

Aaron: Not quite. Let me bring Father John back.

FJ: I am Father John. In Lifetime A, our human expressed the physical distortions, and then the fear and hatred of the distortions, the sense of shame that he could not heal it, and such. And then he passed away from Lifetime A. In Lifetime B he came into a body that had certain similar conditions, with an intention of allowing the arising of certain similar distortions, to see if the heart could stay more open to the self and not move into the ideas of shame and unworthiness. There was intention to know the wholeness of the self.

The mental body heals. The karma heals. Even the emotional body heals, but the human may still die of that ailment. In the next lifetime, that ailment may come up again because they have not fully resolved the conditions out of which that ailment arises. Of course there are some that are beyond conscious control, the genetic and environmental conditions. But if in Lifetime C, as that ailment begins to express, instead of an attitude of either fear, “Look what’s happening to me,” or an attitude of, “It’s not fair, I’m helpless,” or “I must fix it,” if instead they say, “Oh, this is arising, and I can hold this with love, knowing that it is here for a reason, and I do not have to be afraid,” if they can do that, that is the ground for healing it.

How many lifetimes or how many times in one lifetime do you repeat that particular ailment before you can finally say, “Oh, okay. I don’t want this but here it is again. And this time I release it completely. Now it can heal.”? You know the potential for healing, so that one can simply take care of it without fear. If you get a splinter in the finger, are you afraid? You just say, even with a big splinter, “Oh, it will have to be removed.” That’s all. Not, “What did I do wrong, that I have a splinter?” Just, “Here is a splinter.”

Tavis: You touched on fear as a component of illness. It is a block. Can you talk about fear of power, fear of change, fear that blocks healing?

FJ: Fear is a contracting emotion. Aaron talked about contracting and expansion. When there is contraction, no energy can move, nothing can heal. Aaron may be better suited to respond to this part of it. But I know that what you teach here at Deep Spring is the mindfulness that recognizes the contraction of fear without becoming caught in self-identity with fear. It arose out of conditions— Aaron, am I saying this right? Yes— it arose out of conditions, it’s impermanent, it will pass. I don’t have to believe that this fear makes me bad. I don’t have to contract my body. Rather, if you learn that you have some very frightening disease. “What am I going to do?!” Fear. And then you look at your options. I can continue to be afraid. I can try to push away and deny the fear, which doesn’t really get rid of it in any way, just buries it. Or I can open my heart both to the physical ailment and to the fear. When I hold my heart deeply open to both the ailment and the fear that arose with the ailment and say Aaron’s, “Thank you. What have you come to teach me?”, then always that learning will be accessible. As the energy field opens and you begin to see the simultaneity, as Aaron spoke of it, of the ever-healed and the distortion, you can more consciously say, “I choose to live in the ever-healed, not to be self-identified with the distortion but to take care of the distortion, as is appropriate with traditional or energy medicine, with surgery, with massage, with whatever is best suited to help support the release of that distortion.” But there’s no contraction because there’s no longer self-identification of fear. Fear is also seen as arisen from conditions and not as the self. Only then can the body heal.

Now what I find, when I work with healing, with those who come to me for healing, is that most of them have carried the same or related distortion through many lifetimes.  In other words, one may have bad knees and in another lifetime, painful hips, but they’re part of the same distortion. I can support, I can help to re-grow the cartilage in the knees, for example, but that doesn’t release the real distortion. The distortion is the whole idea, “I cannot get up and run! It’s not safe to be big and bold in the world. I must live myself as limited.” But when we challenge people spiritually to explore “who” is limited, what is this whole idea of limitation, what does it protect you from, and begin to invite them to heal the karma that cemented the idea of keeping the self small and in place, to look at the emotional body and what keeps that small – and we’ll talk more about this – when I invite people to begin to look at these questions, then there’s access. Anything I do to help re-grow the cartilage in the knee maintains itself rather than falling away 6 months later.

Many years ago when she first came to the casa and asked for help to hear, the incorporated entity asked Barbara, “Why do you wish to hear?”  She reflected in meditation, then was asked, “what do you choose not to hear?” It was only when she had done her deep work with these questions, work which she thought she had already done but not as deep as needed, only then were they able to begin work with the actual ear and related nerves. Meanwhile, at the Casa she was offered support to go deep and find the answers within.

This gets us back to what blocks healing.

Tavis: Let’s talk about anger— anger against the illness, anger about things in our environment, people, careers…

FJ: Dr. O will come in…

Dr. O: What a joyful thing to join all of you here in this way! One of my specialties is, was, in a past lifetime, parasitology and the eradication of certain kinds of parasites. Now in my present work as a spirit doctor, I’m more aware that when there are parasites in the body, it’s more often a result of very low movement of energy in the body, which is caused by the contractions of held anger. I’m not saying held by anger— anger will arise— but held anger, identification with the anger.

Parasites and also bacteria thrive when there’s not a smooth flow of energy in the body. When the body is open, energy flowing, anger comes— ahhh, (as Aaron’s words) breathing in, I am aware of the anger. Breathing out, I hold space for the anger. The anger arose and it will pass, and it is not who I am, so I can let go of it. Not fear it, but acknowledge, right now it’s here. Right here with anger, where is that which is not angry? But for the one who does not choose to move in that direction, my experience as I attempt to support healing in that person is that as I literally release bacteria and parasites from the body, and the person feels movement, the movement startles them and frightens them so they close up again, thus creating the ground for the regrowth of the parasites and bacteria.

So for healing, the emotional and mental bodies must come along with the physical. One must do the work on the emotional and spirit level. You are not here to be free of parasites and bacteria, although that’s certain a more pleasant way to live! You are here to learn love, starting with yourself.

Tavis: Would you agree that this low energy body with poor energy movement contributes to other illnesses, such as autoimmune and cancers?

Dr. O: Absolutely. So I’m speaking here from my specialty in a recent past lifetime, but also in many lifetimes before that, working with medicine, and of course a much less technically learned medicine, in those days. Not really even aware of the anatomy of the body, at sometimes. But from my present perspective, any blockage of energy in the body deeply supports all kinds of ailments.

However, the reverse is not true. For the person who has understood this and deeply opened the body, found that there is not absence of fear but an openhearted relationship with fear and negative emotion, for this person autoimmune diseases, parasites, bacteria, joint ailments – these can still arise. It doesn’t mean that they’re not allowing the energy to open, only that the body needs time to heal. And if we’re talking about somebody who’s 90, they may not have the time. If we’re talking about somebody who has an autoimmune disease who is 30, then certainly it can heal.

Tavis: We see very little parasite infections in America these days.

Dr. O: That is a blessing.

Tavis: Right. Many bacterial infections that are treated with medicines, but they could be prevented or better treated with addressing the mental/spiritual/emotional issues we are discussing. We see much more autoimmune and cancer these days.

Dr. O: The autoimmune is a fascinating area. Why is the body eating itself? There’s something very deep there about the body’s attacking itself, and I think this is very much geared toward shame, unworthiness, and other emotions. I would conjecture that there is more autoimmune ailment in this country than in other parts of the world. That’s a conjecture; I have never explored that. Have you?

Tavis: I have not, but it is interesting.

Dr. O: I’m thinking of countries where there is almost no sense of unworthiness and very little autoimmune disease. And this would be a very interesting study for somebody, to look at the correlation between self-negative emotion and autoimmune disease.

I’d like to bring in Father Kindness…

FK: I come here with a sense of wonder, and I understand there are many people there on that screen?

Tavis: On the other side, all over the world!

FK: All over? Not just on the screen?

Tavis: They aren’t in the screen; they are in their homes in other states and countries.

FK: (to people on screen) Can you feel my energy? Can you feel me when I offer love to you? I don’t know if we can hear you back; some of you answer me: can you feel my loving energy expressed toward you? … (The screen program at this event does not allow Father Kindness to see the faces of people connected remotely; the tech monitor asks them to wave if they can feel his energy.)

Tavis: She can see the people in their homes and they are waving, “Yes!”

FK: (Father Kindness walks over to the screen? There is laughter.) I love you! I love you!  (The remote connectors are laughing with joy.) So this is a wonderful tool.

Coming back to the question, bacteria thrive in certain kinds of acidic conditions, well not just acid conditions, but there are certain kinds of conditions in which bacteria most thrive. Stagnation is a condition, lack of energy flow, imbalanced acid or alkaline conditions. When the body is out of balance, this imbalance is related to contraction and expansion, to Aaron’s held contraction, or even held expansion, but in either extreme, not being able to take anything in. If you don’t contract, you don’t breathe in, you can’t take anything in. Expansion in a forced way is also a form of armoring; can you see that?

Bacteria, my sense is that bacteria is going to become a greatly increased problem in the Earth in the coming decades because of the overuse of antibiotics. It’s simply giving these bugs an opportunity to expand themselves and take over, and then you keep needing stronger antibiotics.

Most bacteria infection can be healed with energy, with, when I say light, I don’t mean the lamp, but— I would like you all to try this with me. Hold up your hands. “I am love. I am loved.” Draw it into yourselves. Bring the hands down to the crown chakra. Then reach up again. “I invite light and love into my body.” Touch the crown chakra gently, and you may also want to touch the third eye or the heart chakra. Actually, keep one hand on the crown chakra and bring the energy down to the sacral chakra, below the navel. If you can, using two fingers, the thumb and the little finger, one on the solar plexus and one on the sacral chakra. Little finger on the sacral chakra, thumb on the solar plexus, and one finger at the crown. “I invite light. I am light. I am love.

(pause while they do)

Thank you.”

Can you feel the energy begin to move down into the body? So many of you, especially those with strong spiritual practice, live with open upper chakras and ignore lower chakras. The lower chakras, because they’re ignored and pushed aside, create contraction and the whole gut contracts, creating a ground, a supportive environment for bacteria through the whole body. These are simple things that can be taught to school children, and children can be taught how to heal themselves. But nobody is doing that. I hope there are more people like you doing this kind of work with allopathic medicine and energetic medicine.

Tavis: It is my deepest hope to be able to teach doctors in the future these methods.

FK: So Aaron is asking Tavis and our participants, we had envisioned four sections of an hour, but we are far over with the late start. Aaron is asking us, are you all able to go on for another 10-15 minutes, then take a break, and then just have three sections? Is this okay for you? (yes) So let us continue this dialogue for another 10-15 minutes, take a break, and then move into Part 3.

Tavis: Another block is something we call secondary gain: when someone has an illness that prevents them from doing something they don’t want to, or obtain some type of treatment (ie more attention from friends or family; identifying as a victim “poor me, I cant do such n such or I should be treated a certain way) because they are ill, and they don’t really want to heal, but ask for help.

FK: The human organism is one complete physical/emotional/mental/spiritual construct. Your medical technology is quite advanced, in many ways. Your psychology, in terms of intellectual understanding, is advanced. Most of you— I can’t speak for the whole world, but people do come to me from all over the world for healing— many of you are very young, spiritually. When I say that, Aaron says I’m not saying what I mean. Aaron, how would you phrase it?… Many of you have aspired to mature spiritually but you’re stuck in certain misunderstandings about the self, such as the— I am channeling Aaron here— misunderstandings about the self, such as the need to limit the self. All that Aaron and Jeshua were talking about, the whole Garden of Eden idea. Until you fully embrace the knowledge that you are limitless, divine beings and that it’s safe to be that, you’re going to keep the self small, and then you’re going to keep stepping back from the possible physical healing, for the reasons you’ve stated.

So the aspect that most needs to be attended to here is the fear of being unlimited, powerful, and radiant. What is the fear about? I think as a physician, one thing you can begin to ask people is the question that Aaron often asks, “Is there anything this illness is protecting you from. Acknowledging that you do not want it— and I’m not suggesting you do want it, but if you simply relax and consider, is there anything that you feel you might be getting out of this illness?” And some people will be afraid to even think that way. They have a need to be the victim. Well, until they’re ready, they can’t heal. But when they are ready to consider this question, and begin to heal the causes that allow the disease to develop, then for many people you can release the ailment very quickly.

Aaron, I wish you to talk about this, please…

Aaron: I am Aaron. So let us go into the karmic causes, here. There are two levels of karma that I regularly see. One is karma that still has deep roots. One is karma that’s more based just on old habit. If it has deep roots, it’s hard for people to get past that karma right now. You do not yet have the kinds of support necessary, What I have seen as support, that addresses body, mind and spirit, is what is needed. Shamans of past generations were geared to heal both the spirit and physical body. Now there’s spirit healing; there’s physical healing. They are regarded as separate.  We need more trained shamans who have medical background like you do, and who have deep spiritual understandings and the ability to bring the two together. Then there are those who have released the deeper roots. A different kind of support will be most helpful. I will discuss this further, or another entity will do so.

FJ: For those who are still stuck, then, in the old karma, this is what I see as a new and very powerful area of medicine. For those who have released the self-identification with the karma and are more, simply acting, or the body is acting, picking up the distortions out of old habit, then a trained physician without a strong spiritual background— you have the spiritual background, but even those who don’t can begin to understand the distinction in the body, what’s holding this distortion in place. When they see it’s more superficial, they can begin to ask that question: are you ready to let this go? I can support you but I will not force you to let it go. If you want to hold onto it, that’s your right. But if you come to me as a doctor, I assume you intend to let it go, and I will support you.

 I know Aaron uses the practice of the Four Empowerments and Seven Branch Prayer, which are in his books. Aaron, what are the books? Path of Natural Light, Parts I and II. They’re also on the Deep Spring website archives. These are wonderful supports to releasing old habitual tendencies that do not have deep roots.

So then let’s go back to— Aaron and I are passing the body back and forth a bit. Aaron, do you want to come back in again? He says no, to continue. I am Father Kindness.

If the ailments have deep roots, you cannot force somebody to let go of an ailment even though they say they want to be free of it. You can only present them with alternatives. You must be very gentle not to lead them to believe, “This is your fault.” Only, to help them understand, “You are still getting something out of this, so that you’re holding it to you.” I think here is a place where some mixture of psychology and spirituality, perhaps through meditation, and traditional medicine, can work together. I know that Barbara and Aaron work with vipassana practice and having people look at what is arising in their experience; the body pain and distortions, and ask, what is it? From where has it arisen? Is there any attachment to it? What would it mean to let go of it? Working gently, not with an “I should,” but gently releasing, until one starts to understand the structure of the karma. Not necessarily seeing past lives, but understanding the structure of the present karma.

All of these different areas of medicine and spirituality can benefit by working together in ways that your present-day culture mostly has not yet considered. You have such advanced technical knowledge, in some ways, but the shamans of cultures long ago who had trust in their own inner vision, and could see just as well as an MRI can see, could understand and bring together the spirituality, the release of karma, to heal in ways that present medicine cannot heal.

Tavis: Is ancestral baggage the same as karma?

FK: No. Aaron, will you talk to this, please?

Aaron: I am Aaron. Father Kindness and I have been passing the body back and forth a bit. I hope we do not confuse you. But it really doesn’t matter which of us is speaking; just know that a loving entity is speaking. But I am Aaron.

When I think of ancestral baggage I think of literally the karma one has taken on from one’s physical ancestors, both family and of a wider group— cultural group, religious group, even human karma. The personal karma is different. For example, as I meet, counseling and working with people, there is a generation today, many of whom experienced the Holocaust from one side, one perspective or another. Many who experienced it, not personally but had parents and grandparents who experienced it, are carrying some of that “personal baggage” from it and in healing it through finding forgiveness for the places of fear and hatred in their own hearts, healing that in themselves. They don’t have to be thinking of the situation of the Holocaust, but they are helping to free the anger and fear and hatred of their ancestors. Those from the other perspective, who were among those who were doing such great harm, may experience the same thing. There’s often enormous shame and guilt in the incarnate self, without any real understanding of where it came from. It’s not personal karma, but they came to the incarnation with the intention to help to heal, to free some of the ancestors who are very much trapped in the terrible things they did and the self-remorse and self-hatred over those things.

Tavis: Can one heal, then, these longstanding ancestral issues by addressing one’s own guilt, shame…

Aaron: Absolutely. And this is the best place to release it. When you release it for yourself, you release it for everyone. So this is very powerful.

I would suggest we pause, here, Tavis…

Tavis: One last question: impatience around healing.

Aaron: Impatience around healing is really fear and contraction. It’s more of the same. When we come back, Father John will speak more to that.

Thank you all…


Continuing talk about parasites; start not recorded. On-line questions, not recorded.

Tavis: … I want to address a comment from the online community and acknowledge there are some communities in this country and other countries who live in endemic areas for parasites and have more infections with this type of disease. Third world communities in the USA with poor living conditions and inadequate public health programs are at greater risk than the general population in the U.S. Americans, when they travel, can bring back parasites too, that are often missed by physicians because we are not accustomed to looking for them.

My original comment was addressing more prevalent processes affecting most of the U.S. population. U.S. physicians are seeing more autoimmune and cancer processes than parasitic infections. My apologies for being national-centric and not including the rest of the world, however my scope of practice is limited to the U.S.

Barbara: A couple with a child who was about 3 came back from Brazil where they had been living. The child developed some scabs on her head. They were treating it as an insect bite. It didn’t heal, but was spreading. Aaron says Dr. O would know, but we don’t need the details. I’m not channeling Aaron, he’s just speaking through me. Something had bitten and laid larvae within, creating worms. In the hospital when it was identified, most of the doctors there had never seen this before, but apparently, it’s very common in South American countries. Aaron is saying, and then the US doctors wanted to treat it with surgery. Dr. O said to the family, no, what you need to do is to put some kind of sticky material on top that will deprive it of air, then remove the sticky material and it will pulled the worm out. No big surgery needed on this child’s head.

Tavis: Do we have other questions?

Q: My question is, you mentioned not giving energy to the distortion, but also doing what’s practical for the body in the world of reality.

Barbara: To give energy to the distortion is to approach the distortion with fear. Not, “Oh no, what’s happening? How do I fix it? How do I get rid of it?”, but, “Ah, this is present in me, and it’s not wholesome for me, so I choose to release it. To release it I will do this or that medical practice or diet,” or whatever it may be. But it’s a very gentle, I’m focusing on that which is already whole and returning to the wholeness, knowing that to return to the wholeness I release the distortion. But Aaron is saying, using the idea of a big splinter, not “Oh! I must go to the hospital! What will they do? They’ll have to make a huge cut in my hand!” Just, “Oh, here is a big splinter. Okay, I already see it out, and then I may go to the hospital.” And instead of making a huge incision, they just make a very tiny cut because the body is already releasing it.

Q: Thank you.

Tavis: One comment on that. Many times, we use imagery of the body as it should be, as its healthy self, so it can remember how to get to that healthy self. If all it’s known while it’s been ill is this ill part, it sees that as its normal self. So, we give it imagery of its healed self, and that helps as well.

Barbara: This question was brought up to me, for you, really, during the break. How do you treat something in both allopathic and energy medicine, if somebody comes to you with, I don’t know what— cancer, a broken arm, arthritis. These are very different things and I realize you can’t give one answer.

Tavis: I have to separate allopathic medicine from energy medicine practice by standards of care in America. In a primary care clinic, I only practice allopathic medicine. In the energy clinic, I use the same skills from the allopathic medicine, taking a history, understanding the pathology of the illness, the progress of the illness, etc. I use that with the other modalities of assessing psychological, mental, emotional issues that tie into the chakra energy centers, which directly affect the physical body.

The patient is given homework to address these issues on their own or with a mental health expert. Then we address the physical with light and love, divine energy. We do treatments and give them homework.

Barbara: What does bringing in light and love look like from your perspective?

Tavis: We can all do that now!

Barbara: Let’s!

Tavis: So, sit with palms up, feet uncrossed. I want you to take deep breaths. And as you take a deep breath in, you’ll imagine light coming in through your head to your chest. And when you breathe out, you’re going to see that light going everywhere, sort of like a sunburst going out your feet, out your hands, out your head. We call that “expanding your aura”. We want this divine love and light to go everywhere throughout your body. So, breathe in the light, breathe out, and push it everywhere. Breathe in the light, and push it out everywhere.

Once that light is going everywhere it allows the helpers and myself to work on your aura. I don’t actually touch your body during this process; we work on your aura and your energy centers. And we go through and help expand the aura, and then we concentrate on certain chakras and certain areas that need to be addressed.

The problems that we work on during the treatment are the problems that have come to us by the patient. I don’t do what people sometimes ask, which is a scanning of the body and picking out things that might be a problem. This is a teamwork, a partnership, that these problems we are working on need to be something that the patient is willing to work on as well.

So, keep breathing in the light and pushing it around. Many people say they feel a warmth and a tingling. This is that divine light and love moving through our system. This light energy can be used for healing, and we use it as imagery for areas we are intending to heal, such as for Barbara’s spine. You’ll (we will) imagine this light going into the discs and seeing them as normal. We imagine the light going into the vertebrae and we see them as normal. We imagine light going down the nerves and seeing them fully lit up and normal. We insulate around the nerves with the myelin sheath, is so important, seeing each as intact and whole. Everything is imaged as working as it should be. And we give the images twice a day so the body learns what normal should be, what healthy should be, instead of the illness that it’s had.

Does anyone want to comment on how they felt moving the light and energy around?

Q: Heat.

Q: I’m not sure where I was…

Tavis: That’s okay. You went into that healing space. That’s good. So we use this light and love to expand the body’s energy and use it for healing.

Q: Recently there was a pain patient who decided to end her life rather than continue with the pain. She had a brain tumor. She made headlines because she went to Oregon, I think, for the license to commit suicide. And I understood that. I have been in a situation where the pain was so great that I knew that if it lasted for too much longer I might have made the same choice. How do you as a patient— I mean, you’re sort of out of your mind. How do you work with that kind of pain and not contract? First you have to stop the pain, someone has to stop the pain in order to even think clearly enough to say, okay, what’s going on, what’s happening? What can I do for myself? So what do you do in those kind of instances?

Tavis: With my practice, we’re usually able to impact the pain, either decrease it or entirely eliminate it for a short period of time. And this motivates the patient and gives them hope that they can learn to work with it and eventually heal it.

Barbara: Father John will come in….

FJ: I am Father John. Pain is a statement that something is unbalanced in the body, something is moving into or holding a distortion. You are mammals. When there is pain and contraction and distortion, the habitual pattern for the mammal is to contract around the pain. The more you contract, the more you enhance the pain.

Doing any kind of work that limits the pain so the body may rest and remember a pain-free state or a lessened pain state, as you said, allows the body to recharge itself. To consider the possibility not just of fixing the pain, fighting with the pain, surviving the pain, but resting in a pain-free state.

So many of these skills have been lost in your traditional medicines. For thousands of years, shamans and other medical professionals understood how to support the body moving into a pain-free state so it could heal. It cannot heal with that degree of pain.

I think the only answer is going to be the eventual blending of the enormous knowledge that the allopathic medical professionals have and the understanding on the spiritual level. When the body is experiencing that kind of pain, it’s making a clear statement: Help! Help! Doing more surgery or whatever kind of treatments, or simply putting it on narcotic painkillers, doesn’t help the body.

From my perspective, I like Tavis’ kind of meditation. Aaron, do you want to lead this or shall I?

Aaron: I am Aaron. I would invite you to reflect on a situation that’s painful for you. Not specifically physical pain but also fear, sadness, grief, emotional pain, feelings of unworthiness or shame. These feelings have arisen because of conditions.

Close your eyes and join me. I’m going to bring you to a special waterfall that has very powerful, clear and pure healing energy. Let us walk through a beautiful wooded path. There are places where it’s shady and areas of sunshine. In those groves of sunshine fly hundreds of butterflies of all colors, so beautiful. Orchids growing on the trees. There are a rich, sweet smell and a gentle breeze.

We walk down this wooded path to where you can hear the waterfall tumbling over the rocks and into a shallow pool. Sit with me here on a bench that overlooks the waterfall and reflect on what it is you would invite the water to help you release. Physical pain, shame, grief, anger, perhaps even the sense of something darkly negative that is attaching onto you, something of the self, or something that is attached.

Whatever it is that you have been carrying, reflect on your intention to release it. Let’s use several examples, like severe back or neck pain, a feeling of shame or unworthiness, grief, or simply a sense of darkness and enclosing negativity. I turn to you gently as we sit on this bench. “This belongs to you, and you may hold it for as long as you wish to hold it. I will not take it from you, but I will support you in every way, if you hold the intention to release it.”

The first step, to hold this literally in your arms, in your heart. The very specific body pain, grief, anger, shame. Speak to it. “I have carried you around for what seems like an eternity. I have wanted to be free of you, and yet you seem to get stronger and stronger, hold ever more of my attention. There is a heaviness with you, so I can no longer see and know the light that I am. I may have welcomed you at first, because you served as diversion from something even heavier and more painful. Now I am ready to consider the possibility to release the hold you have on me. To set you free and you to set me free.”

Continue to speak to this guest from your heart. And pause and thank it, because in some ways it has given something to you. It has given you that diversion or sense of protection in some way. Speak to it from your heart. “It is time now for you to go. I no longer invite you to be a part of my life.” Pain, darkness, fear, anger, shame, confusion; whichever is most predominant. “I am ready to release you.” And I am going to walk this body down to this beautiful cleansing waterfall.

As I wade in and stand under the heaviest spray, letting it touch the crown of my head and wash over me and through me, in this process I release whatever is ready to be released.

No hurry, here. You must proceed gently. But when you are ready, take my hand, I will be with you, and your own highest self will take your other hand. Feel our love, feel our energy as we walk beside you. The painful body part, the painful emotion; we walk down the hill with it and gently step into the shallow water at the base of the falls.

Pause and speak again to this heavy weight that has been so attached to you, with as much love as you can offer it, saying, “Thank you for what you have taught me. And now I set you free and ask that you set me free.” And with that, we step under the flow of the water, not such a hard flow as to cause pain but definitely a strong and forceful spray. Breathing it in, feeling it coming into the crown chakra and through the body. Feel what flows over the shoulders and back. Invite this purifying water to wash away whatever has been held, has created pain, and is no longer useful. “I release it.”

Feel the possibility to be free of shame, of feelings of unworthiness or doubt. Feel the possibility to be free of the ongoing pain in the body, to allow this holy water to wash it away, the chakras and energy field are opening, the body releasing the contraction that has held this pain in place. Feel the possibility of fear or grief washing away.

Watch any little contraction that comes, saying, “Is it safe? Maybe I still need it.” Shh, it is safe or you would not be here. So, we let it go. It is safe. Letting the water flow through the place of pain, whether it is emotional pain in the heart, physical pain in the body, or even a sense of darkness from negative entities that have held onto you and led you further into fear and darkness. Deep breath, and with the exhale, “I release.” Breathing in, bring more of this water into you, and breathing out, releasing. And again…

If there is fear of such release, hold that in your arms, in your heart, and know the possibility to release the fear that blocks the release of the physical or emotional distortion. I hold your hand with so much love; you are safe. You have made the decision; now let fear go. Let pain go. Let contraction go. You do not need to hold it anymore; let it go.

Feel the body becoming lighter, both in weight, in the higher vibration, and in literally in terms of light, more and more light coming through as the density opens. You are light. Everything else flowing away, washing down the river and out to the see.

And now, together we’ll step out from under the flow of the waterfall. And just there, one step away, is a patch of brilliant sunlight bursting through the trees. Let it touch your head, your shoulders. The water was chilly. Feel the heat of that sunbeam warming you. And suddenly several beautiful butterflies land on your arms and shoulders: blue; orange; yellow!  Feel the joy and lightness, the gratitude to have let go of this burden.

And now, still holding my hand and that of your guide, let us climb the hill together. Back up through the trees, up to the plateau above in the sunshine. Rest there for as long as is useful, offering thanks for the release of this weight you have borne for so long. Know that you can come back to this waterfall as often as you wish. Know that I will always be here, happy to accompany you under the waterfall, to support your journey, and your own guide also. Each time you come, a little more darkness can wash off and a little more light emerge as you gradually release the contracted distortions and open to the true self.


I would end this with the bell but it is not in my reach.

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

Stretch; short break

 Aaron: I am Aaron. I think it would be useful to hear from those online who have questions as well as those in the room, in terms of more universal questions rather than, “What do I do with this pain in my neck?”

Tavis: I just need to qualify that the spirit doctors have decided that we will not address personal disease processes that are unique to one individual, i.e., this is not the format for a personal consultation.

Q: Tavis, thanks for all this, it’s wonderful. You were describing the exercise where we bring the light down into our heart and then push it out all over the body, and mind, I guess. So what I noticed was that in my own mind there was a concentration of energy that wasn’t receptive to the light. It would just stay there. It was like a contraction of energy. What do you say is a useful strategy in a situation like that, where something’s not responding when you’re giving it light?

Tavis: You continue to surround it with light and love. Typically, what will happen is that it will start to contract upon itself and dissipate. Another way is, you see the light as sort of like a laser, and you laser from the inside out, so that you make little pockets of light shining through, and then it can dissipate easier. But probably the core of the issue is, what is that darkness that’s not wanting to see the light? Looking at that, understanding what it is, and learning to heal that component, which would be under our spiritual/psychological/emotional component, that’s going to help heal that probably the best. Does that make sense to you?

Q: Yes. I actually didn’t think of asking it what it was. So that’s good advice, thank you.

Tavis: Let me know if it works.

Aaron: I am Aaron. I see this as a big cube of ice. It’s not going to melt like ice, but as we keep bringing light and offering heat to it, gradually it dissolves. There will always be small areas of blockage in any body. We don’t try to get rid of the blockage, which is just a way of creating more ice, pushing with force, but rather we hold the blockage with love. We hold it in the light. We trust that there’s nothing there but frozen water, and that as it’s held within the loving heart, it will dissolve. So never any force; but gentle perseverance, trusting the power of love.

Q: I want to ask about denial, the power of denial, and invalidation. These thoughts often go together in patients as well as in their doctors. I’ve been healing with a chronic illness that about 2 million people have, which is routinely dismissed. I think the mirror image of that in patients, who are mostly female, is self-invalidation. And so, I’d like to understand how we deal with our own self-invalidation and the denial of illness, both by ourselves and our caregivers. Thank you.

Father John: I am Father John. One can become caught. There may be invalidation by others, on the one side, “You’re crazy, there’s nothing wrong with you,” and to be caught in that invalidation, but also with a deep knowing, “there is something that’s happening that’s imbalanced in my body and it does need care”. Trusting that. But as reaction to message, holding onto the distortion, almost as reaction to the push of “you’re crazy; nothing is wrong,”  building a self-identity on the distortion. So, the caregiver, physician, whoever it may be, is saying, “You’re crazy, there’s nothing wrong,” and that can push you back into holding onto it as a reaction.

It’s important, when somebody is trying to invalidate your experience, to ask, what am I learning here? If somebody is invalidating my experience, and I am the authority on my experience, how can I more fully trust my experience? Because I cannot heal what somebody else invalidates so I cease to trust myself, and I cannot heal what I am hanging onto to try to prove to somebody that it’s real.

The balance, here, is knowing that you are the authority on your own experience, and simultaneously knowing every mundane experience is impermanent. You are the final authority on whether and when it will pass on. I know that can sound harsh to some of you who have suffered from chronic conditions. But, I am quoting the Buddha here: “You are what you think. With your thoughts you make the world.” If you believe this chronic condition is self, you will cement it in place. If you believe you must perpetuate it to say no to somebody who’s telling you, “You’re just making it up,” and it keeps getting it worse so they’ll finally believe you, you’re still cementing it in place.

Come to the balanced place of love, that says, “It doesn’t matter what they say. I know this is my experience, and I know it’s temporary. And I choose to release it.” Then, with the various supports like that offered by Tavis, that of your medical doctors, whoever— I don’t want to say specifically Tavis; that of your allopathic medical doctors, that of your spirit energy doctors, with the various kinds of support you have, once you’ve made the decision it’s time to let it go, then take it under the waterfall; let it go. I’m not trying to make it less than it is. I realize for some of you the chronic conditions have seemed to have held on fiercely for decades. But you still can let it go. Start the process, at least.

People come to me asking to heal, praying to heal, and yet still not ready to allow healing. What does this ailment protect you from? What might happen when it releases, that frightens you? This is your work, the first steps of the healing. If you are carrying a heavy burden, I may offer to take it, but you have free will. I cannot take it from you until you are ready to hand it to me. At some level, some people want me to force them to relinquish it and I will not do that. It would violate your free will.

Are there other questions?

from Zoom:

Q: This is for Tavis. You mentioned help from the spirit world in healing, and that is the title of my newly published book. I’m a physician, like you are, an allopathic physician, and have been to see John of God eight times to study his work, and also to assist him. I was also part of a Discovery Channel documentary on John of God.

We have a trance healer, one of few in the world, and when we go back in recent history, we have in England the use of attunement, which comes from a Harry Edwards work. What do you believe is the best way to ask the spirit world for help and healing?

Tavis: Part of the component of healing that is important is that people believe in whatever practitioner or healer they’re going to seek help from. So if that needs to be a full-trance channeler like John of God, then that’s going to work well for them. I did read your book (“Spiritual Healing, Help from the Spirit World” by Douglas E Busby) but I don’t remember who Dr. Edwards was. For someone like myself, I’m fully conscious when I’m working with the entities and the patient. So it just depends, I think, partially upon what the patient feels is going to work for them, as well as the skill and experience of the practitioner.

Q: Is there any suggestion from the spirit world that Barbara can give us?

Aaron: I am Aaron. We are here! I know you can’t see me. I’m presently connected to this body; my consciousness now is within this body, and also outside of it, but I’m not this body. I come as a friend, as a guide or teacher. Each of you has many guides. The whole spirit plane is available to you. You did not come alone. You came connected with your guides and with the promise that they would walk this journey with you. Then you slam the door in our faces and say, “You’re not real!” Well, if you want to believe we’re not real, how can you hear us? How can we help you?

You ask, “What is the best way to ask the spirit world for help and healing?” The first step is to open to the possibility that we are real and available, and to open a relationship with your own guides as the beginning of the process.  You don’t have to believe we are real. There just needs to be that, what is it from Coleridge, the “willing suspension of disbelief”. Just willing to consider the possibility, “Whether they are real or not, I open myself to the possibility that there is help beyond that of this mundane world.”

My dear ones, if you will meditate with some degree of regularity and reach the point in your meditation where there is, not zero self-identification but reduced self-identification with the physical and mental body, doors will open. Who are you when you’re no longer the physical body, when you’re no longer the mind, no longer the emotions? What remains? Gradually as the body quiets down in meditation, and the mind quiets down, something vast opens, a much deeper sense of who you are. Beginning to get even a glimmer of your true self gives you a ground for trust, that if you exist as spirit, other things exist as spirit, and that spirit is accessible, just as your own higher self is accessible. Positively polarized spirit deeply respects your free will. We will never force ourselves on you. But when you say, “Help me,” and you mean it, “I am open to this help,” we can come in and help you.

I see from the people that Barbara brings to the Casa that the ones who heal most deeply are the ones who are willing to consider the stories of the ego as stories that have arisen from conditions, and not to believe those stories. This is the old “Don’t believe everything you think.” Who am I when I’m not lost in these thoughts? I am Love. You start to know the power of the loving heart, the awakened self.

There are so many loving entities, who are all there to help you; and also present to help the “healer”, because when one such as Tavis comes in, whether he’s working with allopathic or energy medicine, when he comes in and says, “I am going to do this,” from the ego, nothing can happen. But when he comes in knowing he is co-creating with your own higher selves, with so many other spirits, with his own highest guidance for the highest good and with love, then everything can happen. This is why he sometimes speaks of his work as  derived from “we”.

So much of this work is beginning to distinguish ego for what it is, a construct that can be a useful tool in the incarnation if you don’t become its slave. As you begin to understand that it’s arisen to be used as a tool and then be laid aside, then you can co-create and the ego self can become a tool toward the healing rather than a block to the healing. I pause.

Tavis: I want to emphasize that part of my practice, which I didn’t really talk about, is empowering the patient to learn to heal themselves. I don’t want somebody coming back to me repeatedly for “me” to heal them, because I’m not the one that’s healing them. I’m going to teach them how to heal themselves. I can’t heal them. And that’s a critical part of my practice, is teaching people how to do that for themselves.

Q: Thank you for a wonderful answer, both of you.

Father John: I am Father John. As a spirit doctor, whenever I work to support the healing, to co-create healing for a person, I will never violate their free will, which includes their decision to hold onto the illness for now. But as soon as they even open the least bit, to say, “Maybe I’m ready,” I’m right there to help.

Think of the baby who dreams to walk but still holds on. It sees the adults walking around unsupported. “I want to do that, but I’m afraid.” The parent doesn’t pull away all the support. The parent just keeps holding the baby’s hand. The baby will take the lead. The baby at some point will release the hand and take two or three steps and plop down, maybe even cry. Stand up again, take the hand, take two or three more steps, release the hand, and this time it walks across the room.

My job as one who supports healing is to keep my hand out for as long as needed, encouraging you to let go of the hand when you are ready, and to know your own power to walk alone; to be the divine essence that you are. Thank you.

Aaron is asking, do we need to stop? It is after 9, I know some people must be tired.

The Mother: Well, I have not had a chance to speak tonight. (laughing and smiling) These men have been busy talking! Of course, I do love them all! I am the one you call the Mother, and I just want to greet you with so much love. To remind you, you are whole and radiant and beautiful and I love you. And I am always with you. And if the “healing” and work and meditation and all of it becomes too hard, just come and rest in my embrace and let me love you. Thank you.

So, shall we close? Are we finished?

I thank you all on behalf of all the Brothers and Sisters of Light, and I was teasing when I spoke about the men, because of course they come in a masculine form but they are no more masculine than I am feminine. We are all both masculine and feminine together. (smiling) But I like to hug you and they like to talk! That’s fine too; there is a place for each.

Thank you to all of you out there for being with us tonight. We love you very much. I will release the body to Barbara…

Barbara: Swing around in such a way that those online can see us… (The people online and present say good night to each other.) This is Barbara. I love you all! Thank you!

(session ends)




Jan. 4, 2017 Private Session Excerpt

Aaron: I’d like you to try something with me. Please clench your fists, clench your jaw, tighten your body just for a minute, 10 seconds. Feel the contraction. Then release, ahhh… I am certain you can feel the distinction between the contracted and open state.

When we live with a lot of fear, when essentially we have lost touch with our essence so we are more connected with the physical and emotional bodies than we are with the spirit, all the systems start to shut down. The chakras close, the flow of energy closes. Everything becomes contracted and all sense of spaciousness is lost.

The experience is as that of somebody who had walked into a cave, walked a distance in, but when you turn around you can still see the cave opening. There is a sense of safety with that connection to the light.  You know where the light is. You’re 50 yards in. Picture yourself turning around and looking at that very clear doorway. It’s mid-day, no danger of the sun setting and leaving you in darkness. You have the choice. You can stop right there, knowing that the light is there with you. Or walk on!

If you keep walking into the cave, it grows darker and you believe you don’t have a torch. Fear comes. Contraction comes. You walk around a bend so you completely lose sight of the light.  As you go around that bend you no longer can see the big opening and the light. Suddenly you don’t know which way to go. No torch, and you’ve lost touch with the light. What are you going to do? Can you feel the contraction that that brings? This is the frequent human experience, as the human loses touch with the inner torch. Your work as a human is to maintain connection with the light. The inner torch is always there. You are that Light.

If you just sit in the doorway, fully out of the cave, fully in the light, you never can explore the shadows. Part of your commitment as a human is to begin to explore the shadow side, to be able to bring compassion and wisdom rather than fear and hatred to darkness.

You cannot just stay outside of the cave, and you can’t become lost so deep within the cave that there is no longer possibility for learning and growth, only fear and despair. Your meditation practice, your prayer, these practices help you to stay connected to the light and rest more firmly in the light, no matter how deep the darkness. Then you can go as deep as is needed and bring your portion of Light where beings flounder in darkness. Just a smile will do wonders!

Private: Karma, Helming and a Past Life from Aaron

May 11, 2016 Wednesday, private session for 2 people
Aaron incorporates during a conversation we three were having.

Aaron: Barbara, Q1 and Q2 were talking about how we can purify karma for ourselves and for others in a lifetime. There was a being that I was 2,000 years ago, not the lifetime in which I knew Jeshua but a later lifetime. There was very little care for lepers in those days. I was experienced in healing, and I went from one leper colony to another trying to help people.

It’s a contagious disease. I knew I might pick it up. I had the skills not to pick it up. I understood how to create a shielding to it in my body. I had to weigh very carefully: which is of more benefit, to be the one who comes back here year after year and doesn’t get leprosy but takes care of the people and is able to continue taking care of the people, or to the be the one who does catch leprosy and suffers it with them, and helps them learn how to live with it? Still helping them to heal, as I helped myself to heal.

I would not say I consciously stated, “Okay, give me leprosy.” Only, I stopped using the practices which would cleanse me regularly of the disease, in part just because I was so busy and they took so much time. In part because I perceived that my attempt not to catch leprosy was based a little bit in fear.

So I contracted leprosy. This was perhaps 10 years into this healing work. Up until then, people regarded me as an outsider, someone who came and helped them, and they were in a sense dependent on me. “Oh, he is here. The healer is here. Maybe he can help us do this, do that.” But when I first appeared with leprosy, it was a totally different picture. They brought me into the center of their group. They loved me. They helped me treat the sores– not that I needed their help, but the love behind it was helpful.

I was able to keep the progression very slow and to teach many people how I kept it slow, so that people with leprosy who would have moved into a much more painful stage of the disease did not move into it. But I could not have convinced them that it worked if I did not have leprosy. It was them seeing me unchanging, that there were sores but they were not developing quickly, not deepening. There was not the rotting of tissues, as usually happens. If I can do it, you can do it. And teaching them, I learned and became much clearer.

The second part of this story is that at some level I was clearing my own karma, and also taking on some of their karma and clearing it. I did not begin this with the intention, “Oh, *I* will clear their karma.” There was simply the intention, “I will take whatever comes to me. I will hold it. I will purify as best I can. I will release it.” But because I was willing to do this, it did purify my own karma. I won’t go into details here about what that karma was. But it did purify my karma and purify other people’s karma. Some of those people became healers, and also were able to take some of the group karma into themselves and release it.

At no point was this a conscious, “I will do this.” It simply evolved out of the intention: Do no harm. Do only good. Do good for all beings. The two of you, and Barbara also, don’t see this in yourselves. You are doing this. Your sanghas, your friends, all the people who are in contact with you, through what you are doing you are helping them to heal and to release some of their karma. Not specifically with a disease like leprosy, but in various ways. To find the courage– I know that both of you have found the courage to live with your challenges, as Barbara has lived with through the years, not to come to a, “Oh poor me, I’m deaf.” She could have done that very easily, and lived a life in a hole. But no.

People need models like this. And Barbara did not say, “I will do this to show off something to people.” Only, “This is the only way I can live.” This is the only wayyou can live, and the only wayyou can live (indicating  Q1 and Q 2) . So have some trust that you are both releasing karma in yourselves and in others in the world. You are serving as models for others.

It’s easy to be on top of the world when there’s no obstacle. But when there are obstacles, it’s very strengthening for people, it really helps people. How do we live with these human bodies and emotions?

That is all.

(tape paused)

Q (with an ongoing physical ailment)asks, by what I’m saying, do I mean, does one not continue to work toward healing? Yes, of course one continues to work. But, let’s say that you have ten starving people in front of you, and you have a little bit of food that you’ve grown. If you divide the food in ten parts, you can just barely keep the ten alive, but youcan keep the ten alive. Or, you can say, “Okay, five will die, and I can feed five of them better.” Or, “Eight will die, and I can feed two very well.” How can you let any one die when you can prevent it? If you were to put all of your energy and direction into healing the body, I have no doubt that you could do it, and fairly quickly. When I say quickly, within a year or so. But this is not your primary purpose. This is one of your purposes. You need to keep feeding all of the purposes, to be true to yourself.

So you offer the energy and intention toward healing, knowing: this, I can do this. Let me offer Barbara as an example. She could do 3, 4, 5 even 6 hours of physical therapy and swimming and Feldenkrais and other such work each day, and completely ignore the dharma teaching. She does not choose to do that. So she divides her energy, knowing, “This is my intention.”

There are two parts to this. On the ultimate level, the ever perfect body is already there. You’re not healing yourself, you’re opening to that ever perfect body. But then if certain other areas are important to you, like learning about human grief and letting go, learning that you are truly not alone at the deepest level, well, this illness serves as a catalyst to lead you into those beliefs so you can release them. If you completely healed the body, what new catalyst are you going to find? Is it to be equally painful? Maybe just stick with this catalyst and continue the work toward physical healing while you simultaneously continue to do the work toward the other healing, for yourself and for others.

Everyone in the world is a mirror, mirroring back to, as you mirror yourself to them. What do you choose to mirror to people? Both of you are choosing to mirror the whole self even though there is ailment. You are not mirroring the broken self. This is vital for other people. It’s an enormous gift. I’m saying more because Barbara will read the transcript: Barbara does the same thing. There is a truth that there are ailments, things are “broken.” There is also the deeper truth you are whole. What do you choose to mirror out to the world?

I have observed for Barbara that there are people who are not ready to let go of their belief in their own brokenness. Part of the reason they have turned from Barbara and Deep Spring  Center is that she’s a reminder to them, wake up! Be the fullness and the wholeness that you are, not the brokenness. And I have no doubt this is true for both of you. What do you choose to reflect out? But it will terrify some people.

(tape paused)

Aaron: We are talking about energy, not my energy but THE energy. The well is never-ending. It’s constantly replenishing itself from the deepest waters of the earth. Dip into it when you have the need. You are afraid that if you dip into it, you’ll take away from others. This fear is part of your karma, to understand the unlimitedness of Source. But of course you won’t take from others, because  the well is infinite. So please partake more fully of that well, nourishing yourself with love, with light, with energy. Will you try that?

Q: Can you give me some specific guidance?

Aaron: Yes. When you’re feeling depleted, tired, when mind is spinning with tasks you “should” get done, when you’re working with your 50%(her medical doctor has advised her to do 50& of what she was doing) but you’re feeling, “I need to do more,” I’d like you to take time out. In this season, go out to your garden. Just sit and look at the flowers and trees, lie on your back and look up at the sky, arms stretched out. “Thank you! Thank you for the beautiful energy of the universe. I am love. I draw this into me and let it fill me.” Watch any image that comes to mind: “If I take some, somebody else will go without.” That is an ancient belief of yours. I don’t think it’s a completely conscious belief.

Picture yourself beside a stream of pure water flowing from a spring. You are drinking when somebody comes and drinks beside you. Fine. Then you notice there are ten people, a hundred people, a thousand people. “I better get out of here so somebody else can drink.” Can you see that thought arise? This stream has a million-mile bank. There’s plenty of place for everybody to drink. You not drinking does not help others. You not drinking only dehydrates you. Do you understand?

You as yet have no idea where you are headed. I cannot promise you it will always be comfortable or easy, only that it will be good, and it will serve your deepest intention of service for the highest good to all beings and harm to none; a way of truly sharing love and light and wisdom in the world. Trust your path.

And yes, it may be challenging. Challenge is not a problem. You would not have come into human body if you were afraid of challenge.

(recording ends)

Wednesday with Aaron; The Practice of Clear Light

January 13, 2016 Wednesday with Aaron
The Practice of Clear Light

Barbara: When I was planning a trip to Spain in September I had felt DomInácio’s invitation to come to Montserrat monastery.  I had a wonderful meditation with him there. He asked me to give him one day a week to sit with the Casa current and to let him work deeply on my ailing spine and knees in preparation for my visit to the Casa, which is in 2 weeks. I’ve been doing that regularly. Often I sit with the current. Sometimes I lie in bed or on the chaise in my office, where I put crystals on each of the chakras.

I have here a fist-size crystal that was on the base chakra. It’s a clear crystal with a lot of light in it. It is variegated, not solid clear, but clear with a lot of rainbow light showing. I’ve had this crystal for several years. When I got up this morning, and lifted it from the base chakra, the bottom of the crystal has two flecks of fairly strong red color. At first I thought I was bleeding, but it’s not on the surface, it’s inside the crystal. There were a lot of black flecks in the same corner of the crystal. The whole thing, the red color and the black flecks, have faded now. I’m going to ask Aaron to talk about this later, after his talk. I’m passing it around so people can see it. My guess is that they were using the crystal to remove some impurities from the body.

I never ceased to be awed at what happens as I work with these crystals and with the Entities! The red has definitely faded. I don’t think it’s gotten smaller so much as faded.

(tape paused)

Aaron: My blessings and love to you all here… I am at fault for not having written a statement for my plan for tonight, as that usually is posted on the website. I simply never got to it. I didn’t send out a clear invitation. But I did at the beginning of the year speak about my idea of 2016 as the Year of Light, what it means to be light in ourselves, and to be a light in the world.

Among the Buddha’s final words: Be a lamp unto yourself. That phrase has many meanings. One means not to lean too heavily on others’ heart and ideas and so forth but to find your own inner deepest knowing. But also, and a less understood meaning for that phrase, is that each of you is literally a lamp, a light.(There are beautiful tiny Christmas lights on the altar, illuminating the room. Aaron has turned them off) If we turn these off, there is a completely different energy in here. Light lifts us up. But so often we look to the electric lights, to the sun and moon, to the flashlight, to the candle, and we forgetwe are light.

I want to start with a story, and I hope it will become a favorite, as my well-known Halloween story has become so. This is one I’ve never told before.

I lived very peacefully, growing up in a country, you don’t need to know the name of the country, but at peace with myself and my fellow men, and with the animals and vegetation around me, with life itself. My people were a very peaceful people.

I was training to become a shaman, and I was skilled at what I did. I had the ability to connect with spirit, to connect with the earth, with all the elements; to feel distortions in the energetic fabric within each being and with the energy connecting beings. I was able to support both the release of distortions and to support the loving connections, to support the inner radiance of each being.

Inner radiance for me was a metaphor. We did see light in people, but it was not the actual light. For those on the conference call, we have some beautiful lights run on copper wire. There must be 200 tiny lights glittering here on the altar, hanging over the Buddha, and draped down upon the shelf. I have never seen such exquisite miniature lights. The inner light I saw in people was not quite this visual luminescence; it was more energy an expression of people’s own inner love.

Our village was invaded by very brutal men. Older men were slain. Women were raped. Some young children were simply cast aside and killed. And men and women of perhaps 14 and up, but young and healthy, were gathered up and taken away. Others of this clan had attacked neighboring villages too. So as we were gathered together by them, perhaps 50 or 60 of us were taken as slaves.

It was late spring, and we walked through the entire spring and summer over a vast range of mountains to a land whose existence was completely unknown to me. Let me offer a digression here. I do not think in terms of words, I think in terms of thoughts, and I pull out words to frame the thoughts. Sometimes I have a thought and the word is elusive. So there are slips at times. It’s not that i don’t know what I want to say, it’s that the perfect word for it has not emerged.

Returning to my story… We arrived in a land not too different from my own, yet more arid, where we were sold as slaves. There I lived for the next 10 years. If I kept quiet and did my work, I was not treated too harshly. I was given a bare minimum of food, but still adequate food. I was not starved. I worked for over 14 hours a day, a lot but not beyond my capacity. I had a place to rest, and I made friends. Men and women were housed separately and fraternization was not encouraged. So my friends were men, and I rarely saw a woman my age.

At night we ate our dinner by fire. We shared stories. We went to sleep early, of course, because we were exhausted and a new day would come soon. We were not given a rest day but worked 7 days a week. These were not brutal conditions, and yet we were slaves with no freedom,  little joy of life and little hope.

My constant background thought was; how can I escape? I want to go home. There were two men who had been close friends in that village of my childhood and taken with me to this place and another man with whom I had become a good friend, not very close but a good friend in the years here. We four talked often, very quietly, about escape.

I woke one morning hearing bells being rung– loud, irritating-sounding bells – warning bells that warned of fire or some other disaster. Enemy were coming. Barbaric looking men rode into this city on horseback, killing and maiming. We as the slaves were more or less just pushed out of the way, as the barbarians were not particularly interested in us. They were not there primarily to gather slaves or plunder or any sort. It seemed they were more there to attack the people of this city, more for power or politics. Riches also, I’m sure, but that was beyond my knowing as a slave.

This battle waged around me for a day, and I realized, this is the time. Chaos is everywhere, men fighting. Who will notice what becomes of slaves? We had been planning for this for years. We had a small store of food, some clothes, a water bag, the essentials we might need, and especially some rope. I didn’t know what I might need rope for, but we had come over the mountains in summer and needed rope, so we assumed we might need it going back. But now it was late fall, winter approaching.

We slipped out undetected, and very easily made it into the forest. We walked for a week or two, completely unfollowed, it seemed. The days grew colder, the nights darker, and gradually the land ascended up into the foothills of the mountains. But now it was winter and snow was falling. These mountains had been treacherous and challenging in summer. Yet we knew we could not survive by staying hidden until spring. If we wanted to go home, we needed to cross the mountains.

Through these years I had the opportunity to practice some of my shamanic and healing skills. I very well understood the use of herbs, for example. I understood how to connect with spirit. I understood how to read the elements of the land and the energy.

So we climbed, and it grew colder. It began to snow. My senses told me that there was a cave not far above us where we might seek shelter, and an hour’s climb brought us to it, the falling snow fortunately covering our tracks. We entered into the cave. Among the other supplies that we had hoarded I had flint to create a fire. We had rags and tallow, animal fat, to make torches. So we went a little way into the cave, in beyond the light of the entrance, and looked around. Here would be shelter for the night. We would see what the morrow brought. But this was the first blast of winter, and it snowed for almost a week. It did not seal the entrance but it was very clear the snow was far beyond our capacity to traverse, perhaps chest and shoulder deep, and it would only grow worse as we climbed.

We had enough food for, I would say for 10 days if we were careful. We had hunted as we walked toward this mountain range. It was enough food that it would easily have seen us over the mountain in the summer. But here we were in a cave. We would die here because we could not hunt in snow that was chest deep. If we walked back down to the lower altitudes, we would probably be caught.

Lighting the torch, we could see what was really a clear path into the cave. How far would it go? We had no way of knowing, but we decided to walk. We each had a torch, but we lit only one, saving the others. We walked all day, the ground gradually descending; as it went down, the air became warmer. We walked.

It was not a comfortable walk. We could see by the skeletons found here and there that others had tried this walk before us and died. There were frequent branches off to one side and another, but this main path by the light of the torch seemed just a little bit smoother, a little bit warmer, so we followed this main path. Remember, we were skilled trackers, pathfinders, and outdoorsmen. We walked.

The first torch was burning out; we used the second. Each torch seemed to last for a day or two, and we dared not walk without it because there were places where there were precipices, or seemingly equal forks, where only by careful examination could we find which one was the true path. We walked.

We had used up two of our torches, and there came a time of decision. Do we go ahead and trust we will be through before the final torch burns out? Or shall we go back and take our chances in that winter landscape? We would not go back to captivity.  We did not fear a clean death in the winter elements, but we would not go back and be slaves. We lit the third torch. We walked.

We decided to try to save our torches a bit. I mentioned that we had made rope, not the rope you have today, not refined rope, but rope made of vines and such, and I had quite a length of rope. So one man would stand where we had turned the torch out. The other three, tied together with 4 or 5 feet between them so that they could move a little to each side, would walk ahead very quietly in the dark. When they got to the point where the rope from the anchor person was fully extended, they would light the torch for just a moment to see if it looked like a clear path. And if it looked like a clear path, signal, “Yes, come!” And the last one would walk up and connect. And then we’d do it again, advancing perhaps 50 yards at a time, moving forward in this way in the dark. It was hard because rock projections would hit your head. Underfoot, other projections would trip you. There would be an unexpected turn, a place where it dropped down suddenly. But for three days we made our way this way using our two torches at either end of our 50-yard rope and progressing in those small incremental steps.

And then came the terrible day when we used the last of our tallow and there was nothing down there to burn. We gathered together and ate our meager meal. I bid my friends to rest while I meditated and asked the spirits, our guides and guardians, for support. What should we do?

Through the night I prayed much less for myself than for my friends, my brothers, whom I loved, that we might come to safety. I felt an enormous love coming up into my heart. I felt as I sat there as if I could almost see the path radiating in front of me, even though it was dark. I sat and I prayed, and my heart was filled with love and with light, light at that point still being a metaphor for me.

But gradually, as I looked around, I began to see, you can’t call it light, not in the sense of the lamps, but a vague light, a vague shimmering. The path itself seemed to be shimmering. One of my friends awakened, sleeping right there at my feet, and said, “You are lit up.” He awakened the others. They looked at me and could see light radiating out– not radiating, that’s too strong a word– very gentle light emitting out from the heart chakra and from the third eye, almost like a flashlight shining forth. Very soft, but enough light to light the way.

How could this be? I was somewhat of a master in many shamanic forms, but creating light? And yet it was undoubtedly so. When they pointed it out, I became afraid and the light went out!

The first one said to me, “Whatever you were doing, go back to it.” And we all began to chant there and pray. Again I opened my heart, and again the heart chakra opened and light shined through this flesh, just a gentle soft light. Then I brought my attention up to my head and my intention to see, and gentle light shined through the third eye. As that light shined, the path again picked up a very soft glow. So we began to walk.

It was vital that this happened at this point because where the path had been slowly descending. Now it turned uphill, and it became steep in places. We would have fallen to our death numerous times those next two or three days if we had not been able to see. But each time we could see enough.

When we paused, I sat in meditation with my friends and began to teach them this practice of light. Let us call it the practice of clear light. You know that there are practitioners who can sit outdoors in bitter cold and bring heat up into the body. This is not any different. The light is there; one can invite it. So we began to practice together, this practice of clear light.

This was the beginning of my deeper understanding of the simultaneity of relative and ultimate, for this cave was pitch black in conventional terms and yet light was there. Where there is,… there are too many ingredients to list them, but simply loving intention, life, joy, non-contraction, hope, praise, gratitude, non-identification with fear’s stories, where these are, light exists. And we are never separate from that light for an instant if we remember we are the light that we seek; if we do not manifest it for selfish reasons but only for the highest good.

The way was much longer than expected. Fortunately there were underground streams, little waterfalls. We had abundant water. We had some dried food that, with our rations severely cut, would be enough to see us through.

The path slowly began to rise again, and we found ourselves, one glorious day, coming into a chamber that was far lighter than the light that we, all four of us, were now emitting. What we had found, at first was not a doorway; there was light streaming in between cracks in the ceiling. Then we still had to go a bit further in the dark. But it was clear we had arrived. And eventually we did emerge through a doorway and our homeland lay before us in the distance.

We still had a long walk. We knew this territory. We walked for several weeks to where our people had lived, in mountains. There, within the arena of our spiritual practices, I was given the opportunity to teach this practice of clear light. Not as a way of finding your way through a cave– that’s a practical application. But as a way of finding your way through the darkness of everyday life. The chaos and fear, the grief, the anger. It’s a very powerful practice.

This year I intend to teach a lot more of this practice. So many of you are ready for it now. So it will be a joy to share it in our classes and in our times together.

That is the basis of my talk, or at least of my tale. Let me go on to talk a bit more about the practice of clear light.

(tape paused)

Let us begin this discussion with awareness of the fact that nothing can be that is not already. There is already light. There is already love. It may not be visible. It may not be apparent. It may be so far submerged that you have lost touch with it completely, but of course it’s there.

Your spiritual practice is basically a remembering of who and what you are, of your radiance, of your divinity, so that you can bring it out into the world. Your world is not an evil place that must only gradually be shifted so it reflects kindness. Your world is a place of loving kindness, a place of loving intentions, a place of joy; of which most of you have lost sight, so that for an eternity you’ve been on a treadmill trying to plow your way through the mud that gets deeper with every roundabout, your feet going deeper and deeper into this illusory swamp.

Imagine yourself walking on a path after heavy rain, and the mud is ankle deep; there are thousands of you walking on it. Ankle deep mud becomes knee deep mud becomes hip deep mud, churning it up and churning it up. On either side of you, the ground rises up into a grassy bank, but you’re so accustomed to walking in the mud that you forget, “All I have to do is take a few steps to the right or to the left, step up to where the grass  and flowers are growing sweetly. I can step out of the mud any time I wish. It’s only my old habit that keeps me plowing through this mud.”

The waking up is the moment of remembering: perhaps there is something other than the mud! Perhaps instead of fighting against the mud I can say, “That’s enough,” and just take the 5 or 6 steps that carry me out. It will be hard. The mud clenches to the feet, even pulls your boots off. The mud is metaphor for old habits that do not want to free you. But a few steps up and suddenly you’re on that sweet-smelling grass. Then of course you’re lured back to the mud. Why? Just habit.

Perhaps you’re walking along on the grass, the muddy path turns one way, and you don’t see any way to go straight without getting back into the mud. Once you’re back into the mud, you forget you can step back out again.

So much of it is habit. Let’s just call it karma. This is the way that the human has learned to think for millennia, that life is or should be a fight, that if it’s not hard, something’s wrong– why? Why should it not be easy and joyful?

So the first step is to remember: life does not have to be hard work. That doesn’t mean there will be no work, but the work is different than you think. It’s hard work also to walk for miles in that sweet-smelling grass, and you do need to keep walking, but you are aware of the blessings. At a certain point you can settle down and sleep in the grass. You can even stay there for a week or a year. But eventually you’ll want to get up again. And walking takes energy. So no, we’re not just all going to go lie on the beach. And if we did, we’d still have to fish for our food.

The shift in thinking is the release of the idea everything is against you and you have to fight for what you need, rather than knowing, everything is supporting us and we welcome it with such gratitude, and co-create with the universe, for the highest good of all beings everywhere. We welcome this abundance with such joy, such gratitude; we learn to trust this abundance. We are not separate from it.

You are here to learn. Sometimes the uphill struggles are part of the learning. So sometimes it does seem to need to get a bit more arduous in order to allow you to recognize your deepest resources. If I had not been caught in that dark cave, I would not have remembered how to bring forth this inner light, and how to teach it to countless others, who have taught it to countless others. I’m not the only one who is teaching this, Today I am one of many, and am a relatively small figure amongst the illuminated beings in the present world. But I needed to learn it, so I needed to be in an uncomfortable enough place that I would remember/ learn it.

Life challenges you. What is it challenging you to learn? It is not trying to oppress you. It is inviting you to open to something new and yet ancient, to literally remember your wholeness. Remember your harmony with the earth and all that is, and that this is how you were made. This is the human being, made to live in joy, in harmony, and with ease; not the ease to lie all day on the beach, the ease also to get up and catch the fish. But when you’re living in harmony, you simply invite the fish and the fish will say, “Oh yes, it will be my joy to come and feed you,” and they leap up on the beach at your feet. Then if you want to cook them, you still have to go and gather wood to light a fire, or eventually remember how to invite the fire to spark forth.. The trees may or may not say, “Oh, we will leap to your feet and start a fire of ourselves.” Perhaps that’s a little more of an advanced stage! For now, the fishing can be a joy, and the lighting of the fire can be a joy. And you express deep gratitude to the fish and deep gratitude to the woods and to the fire. The fire that warms you, the sea that cools you. Everything is given. Why would it be otherwise? Is it time to stop living your life as a battle?

So these are the teachings I would like to move more deeply into this year. It’s interesting, as I look through all of my teaching here to Barbara since 1989, there are many things I said to her then that she understood only on one level, really on a linear level. Many things I said to many of you that you understood only on that level. But now many of you are deepening and ready to understand these teachings on a nondual level.

There is literally nothing to fear. You are love and you are light. When you know that light within you, it cannot be dimmed. You are a Divine spark of Light. The human can die. The light of that individual expression of itself can be dimmed. But the essence of what you are cannot be dimmed.

How do we speak to the terrorists of the world, to those filled with fear and hatred? Only love resolves hatred. This is the truth, ancient and forever. Quoting the Buddha in “Dhammapada” , of course. How do you learn to bring forth that level of love in a world that’s constantly pushing at you? How do you learn to trust your own inner light to literally light up the way, as my heart did in that cave?

My heart was no better than yours. You can do the same thing. Anything I suggest that you can do, or tell you I did, you can do. You are no different from me. But first you have to hold the intention, “It’s time to pick myself up out of this muddy track. I’ve had enough of this muddy track. Now I’m going to walk in the flower-strewn meadow.” I will meet you there.

So let’s take a minute to stretch, here, and then we’ll open the floor to questions.


I welcome your questions…

Q: What does it mean to manifest light in a selfish way?

Aaron: You really cannot manifest light in a selfish way. The ego can take the light around you. You may even use that light to support others. But it’s not coming from within. Only the clear self can allow the light that is already within to shine forth.

So if I come in with a bowl of fruit and I take a few of the choice pieces off for myself and then look at it and say, “Well, there’s more than I can eat here. Would you like some fruit?”, the ego in a kind way is offering the fruit to others. But it’s from a place of self, the giver, the doer. *I*will give fruit to others. It’s a kind thing to do. Others will enjoy the fruit. But it bears less good results than if I see the bowl of fruit and say, “or “Oh, there are three pieces here and eight people, but it can be shared.” There’s no thought of what do I want first and then I will share, but, “Oh– here,” offering out constantly from this place of emptiness and love.

It bears good results not only in that it gives people the benefit of the fruit, but in that it creates a whole new karma of connectivity, of interbeing, of joy. It releases any karma of fear and holding.

So to manifest light, to shine light– I take the torch and I say, “Here, do you want some light? I’ll shine it on the path to benefit all.” To manifest light can only come from this clear space.

Let’s not only use light, which is harder to understand, but kindness. I can offer kindness to people. “Can I help you? Are you hungry? Would you like a snack?” Well, it’s kind of me, it’s generous. There’s at least some degree of ego doing it, but still it can be very kind. But it’s very different than the complete openhearted, “Everything I have I give out freely. I have no need to fear and to hold onto it. Whatever I need will come to me. I give it freely.” So I manifest abundance in that way. So I’m using kindness as one step easier to understand than manifesting light.

Does that make sense to you, how we might manifest abundance and then move on to the next step of manifesting light?

Manifesting light is not really a clear term. Making available the light that is already and always been manifest, is a clearer way of saying it; to make it available. Not I; but love makes it available. And that’s what I did in that cave. Only I didn’t know the light was there. I was as surprised as the next person. “Where did this light come from?” Then I remembered, or realized,  it’s always been there. And then I was able to begin to understand what allowed it to shine forth.

Other questions…

Q: It seems like there could be a possibility of idiot compassion where you don’t accurately assess your own needs, and the impulse to be generous becomes a problem.

Aaron: Bingo! Good one! The thing is, this is not compassion. This is simply a surreptitiously driven ego that doesn’t want to acknowledge that it wants to be somebody who’s generous, who’s skillful, who’s kind, who perhaps has the desire to be seen as generous, skillful, and kind. And by others, perhaps not even that so much, just, “For me I have to be generous and skillful and kind or I don’t feel good about myself.” But it’s still about me.

But when I see that movement to  being a “somebody”, recognize it, and start to balance it, there’s no longer a distinction between you and me. Both our needs are requested to be met, and if it’s not meeting my needs, it’s not meeting your needs. If it’s not meeting your needs, it cannot meet my needs.

Once we are more awake, we know that. The challenge is that we are not all yet awake, so we must walk this path gradually, investigating generous giving  and then asking, how did that feel? Is there some part of me that held back? Is there some part of me that had to give, even though it hurt me? With mindfulness we begin to understand what’s driving us, to let go of what has been driving us for lifetimes, and to find the place where innate compassion comes forth and speaks or acts.

It’s such a gradual transition that you don’t see it at first. But there comes a point where you know it just feels right. There’s no question in your mind what should be done. You know what to do. And the knowing what to do is not always about giving; sometimes it’s about saying no.

So it takes moving back and forth, speaking and acting and reflecting. Taking it into meditation. Understanding any places where there was subtle contraction in that speech or action, and what the ground for that contraction was, which is almost always the imbedded notion of the separate self. But we’re not as stuck as we seem. It’s not that we have to be completely awake in order to speak and act from that place of innate compassion. But that each time we do it, it helps us to awaken more and be able to do it further.


Q: Why does it seem to take a big challenge or trauma to do the most learning?

Aaron: Let’s go back to our illustration of the path through the woods. Once upon a time it was at the same level as the woods on either side. There was some grassy edging. The whole open passageway was ten feet wide, but people walked in one central area and gradually they wore down a path that bore into the soil so it was 6″ lower, then a foot lower. Now to step up on either side of the path is stepping up onto a high bank. It rains. The path becomes muddy. Hundreds of people walk through it. The mud is churned around. It’s worn down through the years. Now it’s two feet up on either side. To step out of it, you have to climb out. It’s not just a side-step anymore.

Here we come through the woods on this, what was once a level 10′ wide swath of grass. We’re walking in the center of that 10′ swath, sunken down 3′ in mud up to our knees. You look on either side of you. What was level path is a high step up and thorns have grown up on those previously grassy banks. It no longer looks so easy to walk there. Saplings have grown because nobody has walked there, tree roots.

How deep does the mud have to get before you finally says, “That’s it. I’m going to step out of this.”? Once you step out, you might take a scythe with you and clip down some of the weeds. But you’re going to be very wary of not creating another trench. You choose a path that’s lovely, and then you choose another path that’s lovely. You don’t create any more trenches. Let us consider “trench” the habitual notion of separate self. Basically you’re not going to get out of that trench until it becomes too hard to walk there. When walking through it is too unpleasant, you’ll get out, otherwise you’ll stay.

Let me ask here a personal question. And you don’t have to answer this to the group, although you are free to if you wish. Think about what finally brought you to make a shift in your previous relationship and step out of it. If there had only been a little suffering there, would you keep trying? There was a point where you said, “That’s it. This isn’t working. It’s time to step out.” It was very painful to be in, and painful to step out. But once you stepped out, you found there were other beautiful things in life that you had forgotten.

Does that answer your question? Of course we could talk about this for weeks. That’s a short answer, not the long answer. But the way your life is set up is that you have certain intentions. You keep coming to things that challenge the fulfillment of those intentions. In order deeply to fulfill the intention, you have to meet the challenge. In meeting the challenge you usually have to go beyond what you thought of as a prior limiting belief. Then you begin to discover and live the fullness of what you are, not just trod this small muddy path.

Or maybe it’s dry season and the path is packed and there are birds in the trees. Pleasant walking. There’s a bank on either side with flowers. But you’re still stuck in that path, still in a rut of limiting beliefs..

Barbara has a cabin in the woods at Friends Lake. When she first moved into the cabin 15 or more years ago, there was a path coming from the parking area, up to the top road, along the road a short way and back down her driveway to her cabin. She thought, I want to make a path that cuts across from that main path to my cabin so I don’t have to go up and back down. I said to her, do you really want a path? What if you go through a different way each time so that you don’t create a new path but simply work to keep fallen branches, poison ivy, and other such obstacles out of the way there, so that you can walk through any way you like?

She thought it was a wonderful idea. But eventually a path became carved. Now it’s a sharp path. It’s not a bad path, but it’s a very distinct path. And the other ways are not so open anymore. There are fallen tree limbs, poison ivy, and such. The more there are barricades in the other routes, the more Barbara and others cling to the path. It’s not bad. In this case it’s convenient. But think about that as a metaphor for your life. Are you wiling to go out and clear up the tree limbs that have fallen so you can walk where you like, or are you just sticking to the known path? What do the tree limbs represent? Perhaps the uncomfortable relationships, the uncomfortable feelings, the times of confusion, the times of strong uncomfortable emotion. It’s not so easy to keep attending to those, so you just walk the one known path. But it limits you.

Other questions? (No.)

I told Barbara I would talk about the crystal. The red and specks are definitely fading even as we have been sitting here, but are still distinct. I’m speaking through Barbara and she also will read this in the transcript, so I’ll talk to her a little bit about it here, that she may read it later.

Barbara, you had the intention to healing, and out of that intention you invited direct connection to DomInácio, who said, “I support you.” He asked you, as I asked you, to consider the simultaneity of the body distortions and the ever-perfect. He noted that his work was not to fix anything but more fully to release the barriers to knowing the ever-perfect, including releasing certain challenging distortions like strong pain, because it’s harder to really rest in the ever-perfect when there is strong pain.

As you have noted, Barbara, there have been ups and downs these few months; times when the body seems to be getting so much stronger and more pain-free, and then times of extreme pain. So, from my perception, incorrectly doing a physical therapy exercise on Saturday triggered the recurrence of these very strong muscle-spasms and pain. It’s related to the nerves in the back, to the spinal stenosis. It’s related to everything; the whole body works together.

Keeping your agreement with him, you came to him this morning asking for help with this pain. You held your intentions before him before you lay down to meditate with the current. He chose this crystal because he knows the crystal’s capacity, and had you put it just above the pubic bone, at the base chakra at a point where it was close to the spinal area, the impacted nerves and so forth.

DomInácio, you, and the crystal all agreed to co-create a gradual release of the distortion in the body. “Distortion” looks contracted. It often gives off a dark light and energy. Crystal has the capacity to pick up such distortion, to take it into itself, almost like it’s doing tonglen. It breathes in that dark energy and then gradually it will release it.

I suggested to you after you arose today not to soak it in Casa water because it would be too extreme and it could implode the crystal; to let it sit in sunlight so it could gradually release, and in a day or two, when it’s ready, then we’ll put it in Casa water to release more. But some of the distortion may not completely release. The crystal has agreed to carry it so you don’t have to.

It’s much the way it is when you do tonglen. You breathe it in and you release it. And yet something in its passing is left within you, not to create distortion in you but as the ground for compassion.

You are serving the crystal here. The crystal is deepening in its ability for compassion. So I wouldn’t worry about whether it releases or not. But literally the black flecks you saw and the two red streaks are the material imprint of that contraction and distortion as the crystal has soaked them in and allowed them to settle into itself, to help release them from your body.

I can’t ask you if there are any questions because I know you are not hearing this right now. We will discuss it after you read the transcript.

So, are there further questions here?

Q: Just the other day I received a message from my cousin out of the blue. In it he said, “My ultimate dream is to quit my job and become your office manager and we do humanitarian work, and for us to serve and know happiness through service.” And he continued his email message… So I read the email. It was loving. And yet I was picking up on fear. And the parts in me, there was the pushing back against it. So it was an experience of hearing that message from the place in him that was ego-based, the ego parts in me bristling back, and also the love, the undistorted place in him, and that’s in me. And I wasn’t quite sure what was going on with all that! … It was just different frequencies and they were jarring.

Aaron: When there is strong intention to live and act from a clear and loving space, there is a commitment to ongoing meditation practice, to give yourself both mindfulness in the moment and the time in daily deeper practice to note anything that’s unclear, and hold the intention to release it. It doesn’t mean it will instantly release. But you start the process of releasing.

Everything happens gradually. If you know that you’re coming to the place where there’s that deep pit of a trail, knee deep in mud, when you leave your house that morning, you take the scythes with you so you can cut some of the leaves on the side. So you plan it so you’re not going to have to walk through the mud. But there’s not a smooth trail yet. It may be weeks before you’ve cleared enough of the growth on the side. Perhaps you will need to come in with some truckloads of dirt and fill the pit that formed, adding gravel, wood chips, whatever, leveling it out. It takes work. But it cannot happen without intention.

We watch various elements of this. Where is the intention coming from? Is it more in the ego? What part of the intention is clear and beautiful and pure? What part is more ego-centered? Seeing that part that is more ego-centered in this intention, what’s driving that? Some fear. What is the ground for that fear?

We can look at this two ways. On the one hand we understand that the one who is fully awake no longer has those fears or ego-driven intentions, and yet the path to awakening is a gradual one. We’re not yet awake. Can we be patient and loving with those ego-based fears and not give in to them, not be snared by them? But each time they come, note them. Can we find what is beautiful right there with the ego-based intention? There’s fear in that and what else? Where is the love in it?

If we look at it and say, “No, no ego-driven intentions here,” we may throw out the beauty of the intention as well. When we look at it and say, “Ah, I see the ego and fear in this and I also see what’s beautiful. I am going to focus on what’s beautiful but not deny there is some ego and fear,” what is the ground for that? How do I clarify that, right here in this moment with that which is beautiful? Just choosing that which is beautiful can clarify a lot of the ego intention, a lot of the ego’s energy.

So we keep moving back and forth, back and forth, with mindfulness, always looking at what was chosen, what was done. What are the results? Not asking, “What are the results?” with fear, but asking from a very openhearted place, what are the good results here? And what are the places that are still snaring me?

Your cousin has offered you an opportunity to do such work. Honor yourself that you are doing it.

Q: I considered <unclear> not just action but the contraction in the energy field.

Aaron: As we become more mindful, we see that faster we notice the contraction in the energy field, the smaller the reaction. You’re meditating and suddenly there’s something tickling your arm. Maybe just a moth or a little ant, maybe it’s a wasp, maybe it’s a mouse walking down your arm; who knows? Spider, who knows? The impulse– “No, I will not swat at it, no. I’ll open my eyes, see what’s there, and do what’s appropriate with it, and then I’ll come back and sit.” But  when one is back in that pit of a path. It takes a lot of doing to get away from the swatting.

The more attuned you are to the arising of even subtle contraction as catalyst for movement, for action or speech, the more quickly you become free of that kind of movement. It may be the same movement. If I see a spider on my arm, I’m probably going to want to get it off. If I see there’s a wasp walking down my arm, I’m probably going to want to get it off. The difference is, is the energy one of hatred or of kindness. “Oh, this creature is caught indoors and he may want to be free also. I’ll take him to the door. I’ll release him.”

And gradually when something tickles, we do move into a, “Oh, let’s see what it is,” not (swatting) and then, “Oh, what was it?” So habitual patterns shift gradually. It takes patience. It takes work. Perhaps dedication is a better word than work– effort, endeavor. Just because there’s a fear contraction doesn’t mean it’s bad. It’s just old habit. Where is the good in this? Where is the light in this?

Walking through the cave– fear. Where is beauty to be found here? Where is goodness to be found? For the highest good of all beings, I’ll touch this open heart. Not thinking, “Oh, I’ll create a light,” *I* will create a light with MY heart. Just, “I open my heart, because myself and my comrades are going to die here if there’s no solution. And I want to hold us all in love, whether we live or die, and not give into fear.” And out of opening my heart, the light that’s always been there shines forth.

Does that answer it, at least a bit, for you?

(new)Q: I would like confirmation about something that I suspect. So as we do this work where we put more space around contractions and then don’t choose to react to them, and they dissolve and no longer arise, does that mean we are allowing more light to be present?

Aaron: Yes. Always when there’s less contraction, there’s more light. Let me phrase that differently. When there’s less contraction, there’s less density. The light that’s always been there is increasingly able to shine through. Contraction is dense. When it opens up, the light that’s always been there can shine forth.

Q: And it’s habitual karmic patterns that create this density?

Aaron: It’s habitual karmic pattern to contract against uncomfortable experience rather than simply to breathe and open with it. As soon as that shift occurs where you realize, “I am the one that’s closing myself in,” then almost immediately it’s open again. It still takes practice, but you’ve shifted everything by that one moment of clarity.

It’s that old question; we ask, “Do I still need to do it this way? Maybe I don’t have to do it this way anymore.” What have you been doing over and over that’s creating suffering? Maybe you don’t have to do it that way anymore.

Now if the ego picks that up and says, “Oh, I can do it this way instead,” trying to force things, it’s not going to improve the situation. But if the heart comes in and says, “Oh, I see how much fear there’s been, how much contraction, confusion, sadness, anger,” (breathes) ” Awareness chooses to come back into the spaciousness of the loving heart,” not denying the confusion, sadness, fear, and anger but no longer locked into their stories. Suddenly I’m up on that grassy swath and I didn’t even have to mow it. It’s open. It’s always been open.

So that’s another trap, thinking, “If I get out, I’m going to have to mow the grass on either side.” Well, it is and it is not an illusion. If you’ve dug yourself deep into this path, it’s going to take effort. And the effort could be likened to having to mow the grass. Having to climb up the steep slope. It’s not as easy as it was before the pit dug itself. But once you start, you find that it goes very quickly, if you practice in a skillful and openhearted way and don’t fall into the trap of saying, “Well it’s still hard so I guess I’m not being skillful and openhearted.” Blaming yourself, criticizing yourself, do not help. Just note, “It’s still hard. There’s probably something here I don’t fully understand. I ask for help. I open my heart. I release obstacles. I hold the reality of the ever-perfect right here in this moment while acknowledging that while I’m knee-deep in mud.” It will come together. It took a long time to dig that deep pit of mud. So the first steps out onto the grassy bank may be hard.

I want to offer thanks and blessings to this space, that whoever next moves into this space will enjoy this high energy and the love we have left here. That our efforts to transmute the vibration of this space may bear wonderful results for whoever inherits it. I thank this space for welcoming us. And I know our space with Interfaith will also be beautiful. I’m truly looking forward to that and grateful to Interfaith Center for the invitation.

My blessings and love to each of you. I’ll say goodnight.

(session ends)

Barbara’s 2016 Casa and pre-casa journals, all

Feb 25, 2016.I have been here at the Casa almost 5 weeks and have barely written. I’m resting in my room, after surgery Wednesday afternoon and want to finally write. I write primarily for myself, and not to be literary; there will be typos and grammatical errors too.

I invite any readers to feel free to skip to page 4 where I’ll start with a brief entry from Feb 19, and then today. I’ll work backwards to my arrival here. These first four pages are journals from the fall, very relevant to the story but not “current”. However, I’m going to reread those 4 pages now before I start to write.

August 30. I thought I had written this month (August) but it’s not here.

Last night I slept soundly for 7 hours!! (rare), and awakened free of any pain (also rare). My left shoulder especially felt open and pain-free. I felt the Entities present so after washing I laid down to meditate a bit. There was strong energy, Father John and others.  After some time of meditation and centering, and work with the Entities, I did some of Dale’s (Feldenkrais) exercises with one knee bent/raised and raising that hip, shortening that side.

As I did this, I was reflecting on the elements and what imbalance there was. As soon as I lift the right hip, if done with a push from the leg, there is right thigh cramping and the elements move out of balance, especially in the belly, but also in the back. Air and water are locked out by too heavy an earth element in the belly, especially in the solar plexus area, but also in the lumbar spine.   Relax the lift; breathe; invite elements into balance. With more precise awareness of the elements and just at the moment when theybegin to go out of balance, lift again; watch for any distorted tightening in the belly or back and bring the elements and chakras into balance. Envision a stream flowing from right hip to left shoulder, and in back, a river flowing up a down the spine. Now lift gently, using muscles of abdomen, back, & glutes as seem to be appropriate, and breath gently, keeping the energy open, elements balanced.  Hold a few seconds; release; rest again. I did this for about 20 minutes, some on each side, and it eventually felt open and good. Raising the left knee, the element imbalance was more in the left lower abdomen near the spider bite area (brown recluse spider bite, June, 2013), blocked there, stagnant; no fire, no movement. That area was heavy so energy was not moving up toward the right shoulder.  So I worked a bit differently with that, toning and bringing loving energy into that lower left abdomen.

I finished with this and then rested a while. I felt the presence of a new entity that gently took my right hand and brought it to my (still pain-free) left shoulder. I asked who she was (I experienced the entity as female although of course they are all androgynous). More about her below, but Father John sent her.

She asked me to lift my left arm, which was resting straight out on the bed. I could not do so without pain. Stop. She asked me to locate the back muscles connected to the shoulder and then, keeping the arm straight, to lift the arm just an inch but without strain or pain. After some experimentation I was able to do so. Next she asked me to also bring in the abdominal muscles. Lift the arm just one inch with no strain. Done.  Next, bend my right knee as I have been doing with Dale’s exercises, gently lift the hip in the appropriate way, and simultaneously lift the arm up from the side to pointing to ceiling, as far as it can go with out pain, slowly and gently. I found it could raise it almost up vertical. Lower gently, then rest. She asked me to do this 5 times, resting between. No pain.  She then asked me to repeat with the other arm. That one is easy, but she wanted me to use the correct muscles, bend the left knee.

Who is she? We talked a long time after I finished the exercises. Her energy was so gentle and loving, but also a bit timid. She felt “young” to me. I asked her if she had transitioned recently and why she was sent to me. She says I may share this.

She was a Christian nun, originally English, who lived many decades in India and worked with Mother Teresa. She was skilled and loving but always frustrated that she could not help people more, that there was so much suffering. She began to carry more and more of it on herself.  Finally, in some ill health and growing old, she ‘semi-retired” and was sent to a convent in Brazil to carry on Mother Teresa’s work in a more sheltered and less stressful environment. There, about 20 years ago, she came toAbadiânia and met John of God (actually, she says now, she first met him when he came to the city, then was drawn to visitAbadiânia) where she spent much time over several years. She died a few years later (about 15 years ago) but her karma held her into a denser place, still caught up in “fixing” and fear. She has recently grown through that, with loving support, and is just starting to work with the Brothers and Sisters of Light. I am her first “assignment” or (she says) more correctly, she is my assignment as her teacher; through me she is to learn more patience and openheartedness. I pointed out that teaching and learning go hand in hand and we will help and teach each other. Our karma is intertwined.  We thanked each other, offered our blessings to each other, and she left.  I do find she is hovering around me all day though, eager to watch and sometimes asking questions, though not intrusive. Once today (when I was helping N move a lightweight pile of wood chips with a shovel and was moving in an unskillful way), she stopped me and coached me to move with more awareness of our morning exercises, lifting from back and abdomen.  I look forward to getting to know her better. She asks to be called Sister Love.

October 7, 2015:

We returned home late Monday night from the cruise, which was lovely. I’ll add some brief journal notes here. I want to write about Montserrat. In August I wrote about my “invitation” from DomInácio but cannot find that journal (It also includes more of my experiences with Sister Love. Maybe lost with the fall computer breakdown. I’ll look for it, and rephrase very briefly below). Realizing that we would be in Barcelona and the proximity of Montserrat (of which I was previously unfamiliar until DomInácio’s invitation to come there), I arranged a day tour there. While meditating here in my office, with the Current, I hadheard an invitation from DomInácio to come, that he wanted to talk. I asked him why we could not talk here, and he said we could but the energy for the exchange was better there, to be patient and thank you for coming.

At Montserrat we went into the main room of the Basilica, and I was able to meditate there for about 45 minutes (I would have liked to stay longer but Hal and our guide were with me and I knew they couldn’t sit quietly much longer). By then, DomInácio said he and the other entities had conveyed the basic ideas, plus a very high energy “gift” ( I don’t know what else to call it, but his energy was so deep and embraced me totally, so filled with lovingkindness), and we could continue to talk once I returned home. After we left the Basilica, I went on to darshan with the Black Madonna. I was able to enter a back way with fewer stairs, hold her hand a few moments and look into her eyes. I thanked her for allowing me to be an instrument for her love, asked her to continue to help me to be a clear channel and to live with an open heart.  Her energy was very powerful.

Back to DomInácio: First I just felt bathed in love and compassion. Finally, the thoughts came. These were picked up asthoughtsnot aswords,so although I am offering them as quotes, they are more the thoughts that I heard (and what I remember), put in to my own words like conscious channeling.

You ask support to be an ever-clearer medium. We respect and appreciate the mediumship you offer. You are an increasingly clear instrument. There is a further service that is more important, for others can channel, but you have the increasing ability to manifest what you learn. I ask you to model the remembering of wholeness, using the many tools you have practiced and inviting the wholeness to express. What blocks that fullest manifestation?

Here I had images of old karma, of old ideas of limits; “this is as much as I can do…I’ve done everything I can…” But I know this is a cop-out. One can always go deeper, release more, purify further. What blocks it?

I am urged to ask for and accept the loving support offered from Aaron, the mother, Fathers John and Kindness and all the other entities as I did years ago in the “council” asking help. I am asked to meditate for longer times and go deeper, then to manifest it. I wrote “Cosmic Healing.’ It is time to believe fully in the possibilities of healing and invite that manifestation, to release all blockage.  Know it can be done, not think ‘maybe.’ Why do I still hold to limiting beliefs?

Oct 23 now on a plane heading to Seattle.It is freezing in the plane; maybe 40 degrees and getting colder now, half hour after take off.Maybe the heat is malfunctioning. The flight attendant just came through with blankets but they are thin and don’t do much.

These 9 days since my return I had a computer failure (now mac OS and microsoft office in battle) so no chance to write. I lost a lot of what would have been journaling and meditation time, and also lost a lot of material/ documents/ mail.  I gained lots of practice with frustration! Back to the journal.

I usually process by writing; now I have had to process without the words or dialogues with spirit which have become a stable way of working. I have felt Father John and DomInácio, but less in words than energy. Father John has offered more guidance when I did my Feldenkrais and PT though, pointing out how to hold the body in more balanced ways and release unskillful habits of movement. Sister Love has also been here, often, to guide and help.  A primary example of unskillful habits of movement is while walking, using the buttock muscles held tight, to support the body, rather than broadening the pelvis and lengthening the lower back for support. Moving this way there’s much less back pain and less knee pain too, and more stability, but those back muscles are not strong enough to do this for any length of time. PT and Dale have both given me some exercises to lengthen (Dale) and strengthen (PT) the muscles.

The last few days, I’ve been hearing spirit more. The past few mornings, lying down with crystals on the chakras (my home version of a crystal bath) with the Current, spirit has been supporting my understanding of theexperience of wholeness. I feel that high energy around me throughout the day, and when I walk, if there is pain, it is much easier to shift back into the painless (simultaneity of pain and painless), to just gently move the body out of the unskillful posture and into a more wholesome one and keep going, without the subtle stories of “I can’t”, “why me”, or other negative thought.

It feels like 2 things have happened. There has been a release of some long-term small darkness, that release supported both by spirit and by my intentions, and there has been a deeper opening to true possibilities and my intention to “climb the rest of the way up the mountain” and strong support to do it. It’s hard to explain; I’m just in a very different place. I know DomInácio and the Mother are helping, Jeshua and Aaron and many more. My whole energy field feels lighter and more joyful. I frequently picture myself walking with ease, hearing, seeing,; not as a grasping energy but just knowing it and moving toward it. “If it were not possible…” They would not ask me to do the impossible. All things are possible. There is a phrase, “with Christ all things are possible.” This doesn’t mean Jeshua will do it for me, but the knowing of and trust of the ultimate truth of inner Christ is what makes it possible.

This morning as I meditated with the Current, Dr. Augusto was working on me energetically when DomInácio came. Together they asked me to review with them everything with which I asked help, not just the top 3 things but everything. We started at the top of the head and moved down: improved memory, eyes; hearing; sinus; shoulders; lumbar spine areas with stenosis; bulging discs; digestion and abdominal muscles; knees; blood circulation in legs; diabetes; blood pressure; thyroid!!! He moved through slowly, asking me to truly envision each part functioning well; know that capacity, and with joy. Feel it. Offer gratitude to that body part for it’s ability to restore and renew itself. KNOW it! We took over an hour going through the body in this way, He asked me if I was committed to to this shift into wholeness, and with their support, and with this healing consecrated to the highest good of all beings, not just for the self, as we had discussed at Montserrat. I said yes. Did I now know it was possible. YES! Am I ready to release the obstacles, to “climb higher.” Yes.

Here’s what he asks, not in return for his help which is offered freely, but to takes steps to consciously support my healing for myself:that I journal regularly for my own benefit and so the changes and learning are documented for others; that I meditate daily for a longer period; that I set aside one full day a week starting November 1 after the weeklong retreat I will lead, when they can do intervention and I can rest for 24 hours after.

There are no doubts now. Just yes, yes, and again, yes.

December 27.

Two months, no writing, but lots of practice! I promised this in October”that I journal regularly for my own benefit and so the changes and learning are documented for others;”I ask forgivingness and plan to start this week. I have done more meditation, but not enough. I have set aside the one day a week and felt spirit work deeply with me, often slept much of the day afterward.  Four weeks now until I leave. I will not start any counseling with new people, only meet with each of my group about their intentions; I will focus on healing.

The biggest change has been the smartscoot. I hesitated a lot over buying this; it was over $2000, $2500 with the spare battery. It was a great investment. I see from here how I was falling into an ever-narrowing dark place. I never went out except to teach and to medical appointments or gym. I thought I had equanimity about the body conditions but see it was more resignation, closed and contracted.

The body changes have been ten steps forward, 9 ½ back, such slow progress and so many back-steps it was hard to see the progress. But there is progress, and even more, there is trust. This body can heal, is healing, and I trust the process. It is gradually growing stronger; pain is less frequent and less severe when it comes. Between all the wonderful caregiver support (Kathleen (chiropractic)  Brodie (acupuncture), Dale (Feldenkrais) and Brandon (PT), and the amazing gifts from the many Entities, how can it help but return to wholeness? I see that when I swim daily, and do the PT and Feldenkrais on a regular schedule, there is more strength and less pain. But then a twist of muscle, severe pain, and I’m back 10 steps. More important than this day-to-day progression (or lack of) is the attitude, that is really grounded in the joy of using the smart scoot, and getting out, no longer holding the self image of this body as crippled but as whole with temporary distortions.

Jan 2, 2016:  So much that’s not written in 2015…I’ll start where I am.

The shift from “broken and struggling hard to limit the damage” to “whole but with temporary distortion” is the major one.  It’s an emotional/ psychological/ mental shift, but more important, it’s a shift at the cellular level. The cells are beginning to know and trust the wholeness.

On the one hand, the medical “experts” here, the spine specialist, the orthopedic specialist with knowledge of knees, all say I need back surgery and knee replacement surgery.   On the other hand, knowing the ever-perfect!

Jan. 12, two weeks until I leave for the Casa. This week, a big slide back after some injury doing PT exercises; lots of pain. I almost cannot walk at all. It will heal! The scooter continues to be a joy. I am giving DomInácioone day a week.

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Feb 19, 2016:

On Wednesday I had my fourth surgery of this trip, one a week. Most years I have one, or at most 2 operations, so this has been different. The first one, I was sent to surgery by the Entity after going through the line. The other three: 1) all wheelchairs sent to surgery (I was on my scooter); 2) the Entity saw me in the main hall, pointed to me and said “operation now;” 3) entire revision line sent to surgery. But I knew I needed it so did not opt out. I’m very grateful for what they are doing,

I’m going to start with this week while it’s fresh in my mind and work backwards as much as I can remember, but this story builds on the past weeks so I may need to write, then cut and paste reversing the order. Surgery itself was short.  I came back here, took a quick shower and got in bed about 3PM. I fell right to sleep until someone woke me bringing dinner. After dinner, I was in some pain, not severe, just aching lower back and sharp pain around the spider bite area that felt like stitches (again; this has occurred with each surgery). I asked for help and was advised to breath gently into the areas of pain. Eventually I fell asleep.  I awoke to use the bathroom about 2 and the legs felt numb and like they would collapse if I tried to stand, just as happened after the second surgery.  I want to be clear that this was happening often back at home, and this is only the second time while here. This is why I was using a walker at home; I never knew if I would literally collapse without something to hold, due to knee collapsing or the spine losing sensation. This loss of sensation and seeming temporary paralysis first happened three years ago right after the spider bite. My picture was brought to the Casa, and the Entity told Heather to tell me he would come that night and help. He did so; the problem stopped completely until this past year. It was at that time in 2013 that my doctor did the first MRI that showed the stenosis.

This time I lay on my bed until the sensation returned, used the bathroom. Again the Entity said “work in progress’ and sent me back to bed immediately. Breathing again. I slept for about 2 hours, then awakened with some pain and coughing.

I have remembered the wave accident many times but not to re-experienced it, the pain, shock and trauma as it was in that moment, the painful side of the near-death experience. Remembering is a step removed, perhaps a kind choice, but I realized that if the body cells are going to fully release the trauma and resume their wholeness, there has to be a willingness to go back into the experience, not to hold it a step away. That early morning, I got closer to the second half of the experience; the second impact, lower back hitting the ocean floor with great force; legs losing all sensation and ability to move. My face had hit first and the ribs were also broken as the surfboard broke into my rib/ sternum area, (first wave) and I was moving in and out of consciousness. This second stage of back impact is where the near-death experience came in, when my legs would no longer work so I was helpless in the strong current.

I can’t invite the body to release the trauma unless I allow that full experience, but there was still a small area of resistance. I felt Aaron and some of the Casa Entities with me, as indeed they were with me that day, holding me with their love. It allowed me to go fully into the second (back) impact experience and breath love to the damaged cells, to cease separating my consciousness from these damaged body parts.  It was still hard; I literally shook with the effort.  I cried. But in the end it felt like much was released and I slept soundly for several hours.

After breakfast, back to bed and it resumed, this time coming to the first part of the experience, the face impact, the shock and pain, the feeling of shutting myself off from the face, disconnecting, which I suppose was part of the survival mechanism.  Moving in and out of consciousness, trying to reach the surface, intense pain…

Then I returned to the near death experience and the frightening side of it that preceded the beautiful parts of it.

Last night, lying in bed, …

Feb 25: I never got back to this and forget what I was planning to write. I think it will come back; but another week; another surgery, and I want to write this one before I forget.

After lunch and before the surgery, I was invited to come into Joao’s (office/ private area) to give him the group casa donation directly. Everything is freely offered here.  (except we do pay for the pousada; private room with bath and 3 good meals about $30 US / day this year because of the good exchange rate and due to my group rate which is much lower than the individual rate because I guarantee them a large group. I’m responsible for the number of rooms I reserve so can lose money if people cancel or don’t register. So I do take that risk. I give 10% of the fee people pay me as a casa donation, unless people opt out (which they may do if they choose). So here I was with $2100 Casa donation. In past years I have simply given it to the Casa financial head.  This year I was told he has retired and I may give it directly to Joao.

Joao’s son Carlos (who doesn’t speak English), another man,  Antoine,  who speaks English well though perhaps not perfectly, as translator, Terri to sign for me, and I went in. L shaped room, front hall just an entry with some straight chairs; inside a lounge chair on which Joao reclined semi-seated, tired from the morning I assume, and a blue semi-circular shaped sofa.  Plain room; not much other ornamentation, though I did not look closely.

Communication was a little awkward as everything had to pass through the translator to Joao, then back from Joao to translator to Terri to me, so I was not really able to look at Joao and also look at Terri to get what was said. When we entered he smiled and said,  “I have known you for many years.” After I gave him the money, and he looked at it and said thank you and that he will use it in Sao Paolo (in the soup kitchen he created there?) and gave it to Carlos to handle however. I thanked him and said I came a month ago in a lot of pain and barely able to walk. I had walked in and was standing (straight!). So I said there is a great improvement and I am so grateful for all you and the Entities do for me and everyone. He said with a smile; you are a Daughter of the Casa; we are working to help you and you will heal (like, why a surprise? You know as a Daughter of the Casa that this is just what we do here; to be expected; but said with a big smile). I thanked him and mentioned with a smile that when I first came 14 years ago, Dr. Augusto said “you will hear.” I know I will hear but am still waiting for that! He laughed and said; “we are helping you in every way” or something like that (this was like ‘whispering down the lane’. What he said may not be what I got in the end.) Finally, frustrated with the limits of language, I just looked deep into his eyes and we held that for maybe 30 seconds, a very deep energetic exchange with smiles.   Apparently he then said,  “I like you very much.” He was clearly tired and in pain so we said goodbye and left.

This surgery seemed the least physical of the five, and unlike the others, I did not sleep soundly for 20+ hours!  (I slept about 15 hours of the 24 following surgery, with periods of meditation and just being awake.) Two non-physical or quasi-physical things to share. Somewhere during the night, I came half awake with the image of the day, of looking deep in Joao’s eyes. Then I was looking into his eyes. Dream, over-active imagination or real? It felt alive, not a memory. I have no sense of the length of time, but there was deep communication on the etheric plane, much easier with thought than in human bodies with words. Both shared about healing of karma, his work and the work I’m doing with remembering wholeness; the importance of kindness and self-honesty. He seemed to ask Aaron to say something about karma and it seems like I channeled Aaron in my sleep or semi-sleep, as I don’t know what Aaron replied but about karma. Looking at the clock later, about 45 minutes passed.  It was very powerful. It’s private so this entry will suffice. Then I fell back to sleep.

At another time during the night I got up to use the bathroom; when I returned to bed, some worried thoughts came up about the trip home. It was originally Delta from Brasilia to Orlando, then Orlando to Detroit. Delta cancelled the first flight (they no longer have a presence in Brasilia)  and rebooked me on TAM  from Brasilia to Sao Paolo, then Delta  from Sao Paolo to Detroit. There’s only 90 minutes between flights and i have to get from TAM to Delta with  my luggage and pass through immigration. Coming, my scooter came with me and not as checked baggage, stowed at the gate and then returned for each flight. But I needed it then, with 5 hours between flights.  Now, I don’t need it. Do I trust TAM to check it and get it through safely? Worrying! Ask Hal to check  that it is insured!

Suddenly I was surrounded by spirits, embraced in very loving energy. Several tried to talk at once with different things to say; I requested one at a time and Aaron took over as speaker and facilitator. First, feel how ‘worrying’ impacts the body. Feel the subtle contractions, in back, in shoulders, in belly. Aaron reminded me of the practice I’ve been doing of bringing light into the spinal stenosis areas, and to observe how the contractions – even subtle ones – block that light.   Some time (20 minutes)  spent doing; opening and relaxing until light moved through freely. See it as an habitual pattern. I did notcause the stenosis with this pattern. I magnify it though, instead of releasing it.

Then Aaron began to talk more, nothing I have not already heard but old habits die hard! When I visualize something going wrong I am planting the seed for that occurrence and giving it energy. See it all flowing smoothly. Feel it! Offer gratitude for this smooth flow of events. Why would I need or want anything different?

“Trust God and tie your camel” Make sure I have adequate insurance so it is covered if it is lost or damaged., Then let go. It probably will come though fine but if not, then no problem. It will be replaced.

Feb 27. I leave today for home!

This morning I awakened feeling much joy and ease, having slept soundly and awakened free of pain. Gratitude! Spirit reminded me to open the pelvis and shoulders, not to contract anywhere. This bringing of awareness to any contraction, opening it (rather, going to where the contraction is not, resting there, and allowing/ inviting release of the mundane contraction), and drawing in light once space has opened has become the ongoing practice.  I was instructed to move into meditation with luminosity as primary object, and once stable there, to move ever deeper into the source of that light; that Brilliant Heart of all Light and Love. I can’t go fully into it but at least as close as possible. Now breath that light into every cell of the body. Let it permeate everything. I did so for about ½ hour. Such joy to rest in and absorb that Light. I am that!

March 2, 2016:

Home 2 days ago. The trip was LONG, because of my cancelled Delta-Orlando flight and the need to fly TAM to Sao Paolo, adding 2 hours flying south and the same 2 hours back north, an 11 ½ hr flight Sao Paolo to Detroit.  I had to collect bags from TAM in Sao Paolo and recheck at Delta counter with only an hour between flights (the TAM flight was late). Delta Sao Paolo had given my seat away! They finally figured it out and, boarding pass in hand, I reached the gate flying on my scooter as they were about to close it, flight attendant outside paging me and waving me on! But, I’m home. These were all minor complications! 11 ½ hours flying at once is too long for me though. Lots of body pain that I have not had for weeks, upon return. It’s gradually releasing, except for knee pain.

So what has happened in five weeks? It’s hard to say. A week ago inAbadiânia I was walking very well. Now my knees are quite painful and my back is more bent. Is it the result of the long and painful flight? I guess time will tell. The muscles are weak but free of pain. The terrible muscle cramps and back spasms have not shown up for over a month, even with movements that were causing them before.  I do have a much better sense of the wholeness of the body. The ongoing practice is two-fold: deep awareness of the ever-present openness of the spine (and pelvis, shoulders, etc), and awareness of any subtle move to close energy to these parts of the body; Staying connected to the core of radiance (divine or paramatman light) and consciously inviting it everywhere in body, emotions, etc; watching for any place where I close off and moving attention back to the fact that the Light IS! It is the living practice, 24-7, of the simultaneity of relative and ultimate. When I’m connected to that Source, I know it! I feel it like an energy moving through me and filling me.

March 3:

This morning was the first morning in 5+ weeks to awakenpost revision, (i.e., no stitches anywhere in the body from casa surgery). I had been waiting for this as now I may begin some exercise. (I have been swimming, but just that). When I got up, there was mild aching in the lower back, but no stenosis pain. I used the bathroom and returned to bed, and began very gentle movement with spirit’s guidance (Aaron and Sister Love). First, just resting in the current for 10 minutes, body fully relaxed. Then, (from Feldenkrais) bend one knee, foot flat; very gently lift that hip a small amount and reach that arm down toward knee, pushing very lightly with the foot, head moving with the arm. Hold a few seconds and then relax. Repeated about 10 times, slowly. Same move on other side. If any tension in muscles, pause, stretch out the leg and rest before resuming the movement. Breathe deep into the pelvis. That only happened once.

Next, a series of pelvic floor exercises (feldenkrais again; pelvic clock). Rest.

Both feet flat, knees bent; tuck up the pelvis, stretching the lower back, while keeping pelvis open. With back stretched in this way, do the pelvic clock again.

Rest completely. There were some tiny quivers of tension in the muscles. Open body; breath in Light, through the spine and into the stenosis area. I spent about 10 minutes just filling that spinal area with light, expanding the place where the nerves emerge pinched in any way, feeling it all open and relax.

Then repeat the above, both feet flat… Full rest again and drawing in spotlight, opening the space.

The whole process above was a little over an hour.  Now, no pain at all. They say I may use the nu-step at the gym today, maybe 10 minutes, very slow and mindful, low leg pressure, along with swimming.

March 4: I never got to the gym yesterday; it was a full day until 5PM and by then, snowing hard so it didn’t choose to drive. I sat by the fire and read a good book, watching the beautiful snowflakes blowing out the window. This morning I have an appointment at UM hospital, made months ago, with a Dr. Daniel Orringer, neurosurgeon and spine specialist. At this point, the pain is gone after the 5 Casa surgeries. We’ll see what he says.

Back from the appointment. He is a nice man and a big Davy fan! His first words to me, holding my file, were, “Do you know Davy Rothbart?” (one of my three sons; I’m Barbara Brodsky Rothbart) He tested arm and leg muscles, looked at my back. After looking at the MRI resultsbefore he saw me, he had felt I was a candidate for the surgery; but after muscle testing and looking at my back, talking to me and seeing me free of pain, he thinks they did what was needed in Brazil. He asked many questions (only some of which I could answer) about the Casa. What did they do??? What is the surgery procedure there? There’s no incision? I described as much as possible and he did really listen. He suggested I start PT and we wait and see what happens. Right now, he repeated that it looks like the work has been done.

If I did need surgery, it is a long incision, maybe 10 inches. I’d be in the hospital about 4 days, then another 2 weeks for the incision to heal. I would be able to lie on my back, even with the stitches. PT after a month. He has done many of these operations and feels it would be successful if needed. If pain resumes, and I see him in a month, (early April) we could do it in early May.

I told him I hoped to never see him again except at a Davy RothbartFound Show. He laughed and agreed.

March 5: Knees continue weak though, and still collapsing on occasion. I’ll start PT this week, twice a week. This morning was my committed weekly session with DomInácio. Back to bed with my crystals, my home-made crystal bed with one carefully selected (by the entities) crystal on each chakra. During the session, once the energy was open, he asked me to feel energy and light moving down to the knees and feet, which have poor circulation. I felt something pressing the bottoms of both feet, inviting opening. Visualize this new skeleton with perfect circulation, perfect knees. See myself dancing and running! After an hour of intense energy, I slept for several hours

Now I want to go back to the first 4 surgeries, a summary. I have no notes and no clear memory of the order of events for the most part. Order doesn’t matter.

After sleeping the afternoon and evening of the first or second surgery, very early the next morning (2 AM) there was some communication. Resting in bed, I felt spirit’s presence and was asked to relax as fully as possible. After a few minutes I felt as if I could not move, like the body was paralyzed. Aaron asked me to move just one finger to see that I could move if necessary. Then be still. Give them the body! I was told that they were replacing my skeleton! The body needed to remain motionless. I did, and am uncertain whether what followed was in a state awake or asleep.

Later it was explained that they were replacing the etheric skeleton. Why? The image I was given was of going to a museum to copy a painting by a famous master. I would stand right in front of it and copy it precisely. Going to the ever-perfect and mirroring what is there is similar. This is like the akashic field practice. But what if there are many people copying that painting, and people copying the copyists, and the closest I can get is 5 rows back? Now, as I invite this body to replicate the ever-perfect body, I can’t really access that blueprint. Through this and many lifetimes of damage to the physical, and some of that distortion mirrored back to the ever–perfect, it just is not so accessible. What is needed, what they were providing, is a new and very accessible master image, so to speak, a new “ever-perfect” on which to base the akashic field practice.

Gradually the reality of the new body grew into my awareness over about 2 hours.  Then I came more awake, and was invited to consider this new skeleton a section at a time. To “praise” it with gratitude, and to bring each part of the mundane body into contact with the etheric blueprint. The whole process was about 4 hours. Eventually I fell into a sound sleep.

Another week; another surgery. I always sleep the first 16 to 18 hours or so, and then some more conscious inquiry begins. I had been looking at what seems like a heavy blackness through the spine, and the need to bring in more light. I asked, what is the source of that blackness? I began to see a lifetime I’ve worked with a lot; the Tibetan monk, an abbot of a monastery perched on a hill above the village, and which had a flat open courtyard at the front. Invaders were coming into the land;  the village head asked if the monks would fight. The abbot said not with weapons but in his own way.

He understood profound energy and light practices (dating back to Lumeria) and knew how to energetically surround a distortion in the mundane realm and prevent it from spreading. (I think of Obi-wan Kenobi waving his arm and closing the energy field so he could sneak by the enemy) He had taught his monks these non-dual practices. I have learned a lot from him about such practice. They are a foundation for the akashic field practices and those of simultaneity of relative and ultimate. I’m still a beginner though, in this Barbara consciousness. When the invaders arrived, the monks went onto the flat plateau in front of the monastery and began to play their big horns and dance. The invaders shot arrows and hit the monks. Most of the men were able to keep dancing at least for a while. The one who I was had numerous mortal wounds but kept dancing until the invaders decided he was a demon and they fled. At that point he simply dropped dead.

I had never considered the energetic and emotional toll of this effort. What he lacked was the understanding to make space in his heart for any pain, any fear, even for the damage to the tissue; so he locked that away too and it became imbedded in the cells, way back then. That trauma is still there.  It needed to be freed.

I spent most of the day and into the next working with this process, and with gratitude for the profound assistance. It seemed I just spent hour after hour removing arrows from the spine (really, just seeing deeply into their nature, going to the place they were not, and inviting release) and allowing in light (the light that has always been there but that I couldn’t access because of the illusion of the arrow and all the implications of it), then offering thanks for this light, and then again…. Eventually it all felt clear. The arrows and the dark areas they marked were both physical/ cellular, and emotional. It points out to me the extreme importance to stay open to negative emotions without buying into their stories. It is that self-identification that invites the karma to stick. Then I spent many hours just inviting Light to pour through these wounds and through all the karmic wounds that followed the original.  Forgiveness, grounded in compassion for self and all beings, brings healing.

Again, another week, another surgery. What still blocked the fullest light from reaching the spine? Once again, many hours of sleep and then some more conscious inquiry. As I lay in bed, in and out of sleep/ meditation, I was led back into the wave accident. I’ve reflected on this experience many times, remembered it, worked consciously with the body and emotions, inviting forgiveness and with gratitude for my survival after the near-death aspect of it. I have never deeply re-experienced the trauma. I find we do not always need to re-experience trauma; sometimes it’s too painful and going into the fullest experience is cruel. I still don’t understand when it becomes best to do so. I think the review is a natural process; if nothing blocks it, what needs to come up will do so.

The second part of the experience came to me first, not surprising as I was working with the back. In the whole experience; first my face hit the bottom, knocking me mostly unconscious, breaking the orbital bone around the right eye, and at the same time, the surfboard (one of those small body boards) broke in half into my ribs and sternum, breaking bones there. The second wave caught me backwards as I strived to reach the surface, pushing me back down on my back and tailbone. This is the part I reviewed first after this surgery. I was in and out of consciousness from the face impact, in much pain with broken ribs, but still using my legs to kick. Then I was tossed again and landed so hard on my lower back that I lost all sensation below the waist, could not move my legs at all, but felt completely paralyzed. It’s similar to the feeling of occasional paralysis of the legs I have had the past year. I was still moving into and out of consciousness but now I could neither swim my arms because of rib pain nor kick my feet. This is when I began to drown for real, and went into the near-death experience. That near-death experience was beautiful and did in real ways draw my attention completely from the trauma that precipitated it.

Most of my friends know what came next. Within that beautiful tunnel of Light I was fully embraced with love. The further in I went, the brighter the light and the stronger the pull. It was home! I was told I could choose, to go on or come back to this present life. There was no dishonor to go this way. I have worked hard in this lifetime; but there is more to do and I may choose to return to life. They could not guarantee what kind of body I would have if I returned to it; maybe paraplegic. Maybe great pain. I chose to return, not out of fear but of love. My work here was not finished. As soon as I made that decision, I felt energy lift me to the surface, and sufficient support to shout for help. A swimmer heard me, saw my bleeding face; people came; the unconscious body was pulled to shore.

In meditation that morning, I was led to see how the body shut down with this trauma, closing out energy not just because of the injury but the very normal (I suppose) contraction, drawing in to survival mode and not allowing any energy into the spine, just to heart and brain, breathing and heartbeat.  This is what the monk had needed to do to survive long enough to have the enemy leave; he encapsulated the injuries and gave energy only to heart and brain. I saw how, the past year when there was the severe muscle and nerve pain, I was withdrawing or at least blocking energy as an automatic response.

Revisiting the trauma, I spent some time crying, just offering love to this human experiencing such trauma. Then the entities began to coach me on how to open the energy field; how to bring divine light and energy into the back. After an hour or so of practice, I fell into a sound sleep.

After a while I awakened and we moved on, to the first part of the experience. This was even more traumatic because of the shock of the impact and severity of injuries, with no immediate travel into Light to balance it. I was happily playing in the waves, I was lifted, tossed, smacked into the bottom, I was drowning. As with the monk, my training seems to be important in some ways but foolish in others. There was mindfulness, compassion for the human, intention to reach the surface, not to fully black out. Any fear or contraction was completely put aside; I could not survive and open to that. But I never really came back to it and allowed Light in. It is almost what I did with my sudden deafness years earlier; “just note it and move on. Don’t linger there”. For the trauma of the deafness, I had to open to it to allow healing (No Eye, Ear, Nose…” in Susan Moon’s anthology “Being Bodies”)

I saw that I had never done that with the wave. Now it was time. More tears, opening the heart, inviting in Light. There is no one in control; just the outflow of conditions. Loving-kindness and compassion are two of these conditions, when I am able to stay connected to them.

After this surgery, my ongoing practice  has been just to remain connected to the Light. They say we teach what we need to learn. “Remembering Wholeness.” Whatever blocks the opening to Light, let it go. The Light and love are there. They are the source of all healing; other conditions are needed too, but without that Love and Light, the other conditions are insufficient.

I finally begin to get just an inkling of what healing is about.

The fifth and final surgery; I slept far less, maybe 14 hours of the next 24. I did more meditation; Spirit spoke with me about teaching and mediumship. Some very unstructured planning for future retreats and workshops. It was suggested that I have the capacity to hold both The mother and Jeshua or Father John in the body at the same time, both really incorporated but only one speaking or moving at a time. But in this way they don’t have to hand the body one to the other but can just flow back and forth; this would be much easier on my energy I am told, and also make them more readily available to each, according to need. We’ll do this in the next Remembering Wholeness session. Now I find that the March session wasn’t correctly scheduled and we don’t have the room reserved, so the first RW for spring will be in April. I don’t know what this is about but it will be fine.

Now, afternoon of March 6; some mild beginning twinges of cramping in the inner right thigh today. Each time I felt it, I lay down, relaxed completely, opened the pelvis and body, drew in light. Each time it has resolved completely and quickly. I see fear arise, “No! no back surgery”. Release the fear. All is well and all will be well.

March 11: I have had a week of physical therapy; all goes well.

This is probably the end of the 2016 Casa journal. I’ll add to it as private journal. DomInácio asked me to keep a journal to share with others, so I may post more too, if relevant.

For those who have inquired, my next Casa trip is Feb 12 through 25, 2017, with an extended third week to March 4. I arrive Feb 6 to set things up and have my own first week. A few very experienced Casa people who want a 4-week stay may come with me Feb 6 but I won’t be much available as a guide until Feb. 13. At this point, I will also leave March 4, staying just 4 weeks.